


Ballroom

by XpaperplaneX



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Dark, Drama, M/M, Squick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-05 00:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XpaperplaneX/pseuds/XpaperplaneX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sephiroth hadn't planned on becoming a caretaker when curiosity made him glance through the sample room window. He needs to learn to cope with it, however, because Cloud has no one else to turn to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shitsnacks, I finished it! Credit goes to Urplesquirrel for cheering me on and generally being awesome. So okay, darkfic and no warnings being given. I mentioned on my journal that it's like Twilight except not meant to be romantic, and there are no vampires. Got it? Then buckle up! There's one NC-17 scene, but I'll mention when that goes up so you don't accidentally read it at work. Enjoy!

Sephiroth walked quickly through the echoing hallways, eager to get out of the lab and back home where he could sleep off the effects of whatever Hojo had done to him this time. It wasn't too bad today, he had to admit, just a migraine and some soreness. The spots behind his eyes were already clearing. 

It was late in the day—he always scheduled these things so he wouldn't be expected to go back to work afterwards—and the lab was nearly vacant, so it came as a bit of a surprise when he noticed the lights on in one of the rarely used sample-containment rooms. He peered in through the viewing pane, wondering what Hojo had acquired, and saw a human shape huddled in one of the corners.

"Who did that bastard kidnap this time?" Sephiroth muttered to himself as he punched in Hojo's code on the keypad. Honestly, the man really needed to stop using it in front of him.

The door opened with a swoosh, and the figure in the corner cringed and curled in on itself even further. Sephiroth slowly approached and noticed that it was a girl, unclothed, but apparently unharmed. She looked absolutely terrified though, and she was sobbing desperately. Sephiroth took off his jacket and laid it over her to cover some of her nakedness.

"Hey," he said as gently as he could, "What happened? Where did you come from?" Where she came from was the important question. If he could get her back to wherever that was, he could go home. Sometimes he hated his curiosity; he knew what went on in the labs, but usually turned a blind eye to it. He wasn't heartless enough to just leave someone to suffer if he came across them, however.

The girl looked up with wide, tear-filled eyes, and they widened even more when she seemed to realize who Sephiroth was. "I—I don't know what happened," she stammered. "I was—I was coming back from drill when—they didn't say—they didn't say anything! Then I—I woke up here and—I was like—like _this!_ " The girl flapped her arms in some sort of incomprehensible gesture, then pulled Sephiroth's coat close to her body.

"Like what?" Sephiroth asked as patiently as he could. "And—wait—drill?"

"I—I'm a _guy!_ "

"A guy?" Sephiroth glanced down; that was not a male body, not by a long shot. "Oh...shit." How the hell had they managed that? No wonder she was so upset. This wasn't someone he could just send home then either. "Are you a cadet?" Sephiroth had long suspected that Hojo occasionally kidnapped struggling cadets that wouldn't be missed when he needed a disposable sample.

The girl—no, boy—nodded slowly. "Y—yes. Echo Company, sir. I—I—what are they going to do with me?"

"I...don't know." Sephiroth could think of a number of possibilities; none of them were pleasant. "Don't worry about it. I'll get you out of here, and we'll see what to do from there. What's your name?"

"Strife, sir. Cloud Strife."

"Okay, Cloud. I'm going to find something for you to wear, and then we'll go." Sephiroth stood and exited the room, heading for the nearest change room. He grabbed a set of scrubs and hurried back, wanting to get the kid out of the lab before someone caught them. Cloud hadn't moved by the time he returned, and she made no attempt at moving when Sephiroth held out the scrubs.

"Come on," Sephiroth said, "We've got to get out of here." He pulled the top over Cloud's head and shoved her unresisting arms through the sleeves. Of all the things that he had to find in the sample room, it just had to be something he couldn't ignore or send away. Not that he could blame the kid for being basically useless. He'd probably be the same way if he woke up one day with a girl's body. He kept that thought firmly in mind as he pulled the pants up over Cloud's hips and coaxed her into a standing position.

Sephiroth grabbed his coat off the floor and pulled it on, then took Cloud by the elbow and led her towards the door. "Let's go. That's it, one foot in front of the other," Sephiroth encouraged her as Cloud stumbled behind him.

"Where?" Cloud asked and fought back a sob—his voice _had_ sounded awfully feminine there, if a bit hoarse.

"We'll go to my apartment. Even Hojo doesn't have access to it. You'll be safest there if he decides to come after you." Sephiroth had meant for that to be encouraging, but Cloud let out a pained noise and clutched tightly at Sephiroth's arm. "It'll be okay," he said, despite the knowledge that he had no way of knowing that. He could keep the kid safe from Hojo, but that didn't mean it would be okay. 

This definitely wasn't making his migraine go away, he thought glumly as he hit the button for the elevator and prayed no one else would be in it. He tucked Cloud off to the side, just in case, so she wouldn't be seen if there was anyone in the elevator. When the door opened, Sephiroth saw a man in a suit and quickly pretended that he just realized he had forgotten something. The man shot him an annoyed glare, and the door shut again. The next elevator that stopped was mercifully empty and Sephiroth ushered Cloud onto it, thankful that Cloud was small and he was able to keep her—dammit, him—out of the security camera's line of sight. Their luck held and no one else got on, and they arrived at the ground floor without further incident.

"If anybody approaches us, don't say anything," Sephiroth instructed Cloud. "Let me do all the talking." He realized too late that Cloud's feet were bare and just how obvious it would be that he wasn't where he belonged. There was nothing he could do about it now, however, except move quickly. Fortunately, the building was mostly empty by now, and Sephiroth practically dragged Cloud past the security desk as soon as the guard turned away. She kept tripping as they ran across the open area, and Sephiroth wondered if she had been drugged as well.

The joint Turk and SOLDIER apartments were a lot busier, unfortunately, and Sephiroth opted for taking the fire escape up instead, despite living on the twentieth floor. "I hope you're feeling up to climbing, cadet."

Cloud was wheezing and gasping for air by the time they got to the eleventh floor, and Sephiroth took pity on him. "Climb on my back," he said, crouching down. Cloud hesitated, but was too wiped to really argue. But there was a small whimper when Sephiroth felt the two fleshy lumps pressing into his back. "Just hang on, I'll be quick." True to his word, Sephiroth covered the remaining floors as fast as he could and set Cloud down at the top.

"Won't there be an alarm?" Cloud said softly, and pointed to the sign on the door.

"Don't worry. I disabled that years ago; the fire escape is the only way up to the roof, and I like sitting up there sometimes." Sephiroth quickly unlocked it and opened the door, then led Cloud through after making sure that Tseng wasn't about. 

Sephiroth breathed a sigh of relief when he finally shut his front door behind them and deadbolted it. They were safe for now. Cloud seemed to have run out of tears and was just sniffling quietly and staring ahead with a blank expression. "Come sit down, Cloud," Sephiroth said, guiding her towards the comfortable couch in the living room. "Do you want a cup of tea?"

Cloud looked up at him, blinking. "I—I—okay."

Sephiroth watched sadly for a few moments as Cloud tried to arrange himself on the couch in a position where he had the least contact with his own body before he turned to go to the kitchen. This was stupid; tea wasn't going to make him feel better, Sephiroth thought as he plugged in the kettle and started rummaging through his tea stash. But he didn't know what else to do except grab a couple of painkillers out of the cupboard above the fridge and down them. He didn't have any ideas about what he should do with the kid. He didn't know how to fix it. Maybe tomorrow he could start investigating, but in the meantime he had a cadet one bathroom trip away from a panic attack on his hands.

The kettle boiled and shut itself off, and Sephiroth pushed himself off the counter, deciding to pour a cup for himself as well. Tea wasn't going to help put off the bathroom situation either, he thought, but that was inevitable anyway. "Take it one step at a time and remember that he's male," he murmured to himself before returning to the living room with the two steaming cups.

"Here you go." Sephiroth set one of the cups down on the side table next to Cloud and took a seat in a chair across from he—him.

"Th—thank you, sir." Cloud picked up the cup with trembling hands and blew on it before taking a tiny sip.

"Cloud—" Sephiroth began, and then hesitated. What the hell was he supposed to say? "Tomorrow...tomorrow I'll start looking into what was done to you. And ways I can change you back. But...don't get your hopes up for a quick fix. They'll bump up security in the labs because of your disappearance. And anything related to what was done to you will be extra-heavily guarded. But I will do what ever it takes to fix this," Sephiroth quickly added, seeing Cloud's look of despair. "I'll find a way."

"You shouldn't—" Cloud choked. "Why waste your time? I'm just a cadet."

"Just a cadet in my army, Cloud. Experimented on by the company I work for. It's not a waste of time; it's the bare minimum I should do. But while I'm doing it, I need you to be strong and hang in there for me. Can you do that?"

"I—I don't—I don't know if I can, sir." Cloud glanced down as his voice broke into a sob.

Sephiroth only hesitated for a moment before moving over the couch and reaching out to rub Cloud's back. "It's okay, it's okay," he murmured, "Just don't think about it and don't look."

Tea sloshed onto the carpet as Cloud flailed his arms in frustration. "How the hell am I not supposed to think about it?" he snapped. "And not looking doesn't help! I can still _feel_ everything! I've got _breasts_ , sir! And—and it's _not there anymore!_ How the fuck do I not think about that?"

Sephiroth grabbed the teacup away before Cloud burnt himself. "I'm sorry," he said, pulling Cloud in to rest his head on Sephiroth's chest. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to say. I'm sorry." He felt completely useless as the cadet sobbed on him; he had never felt less in control of a situation than he did right now. Even being strapped to a table in the labs was preferable to this. He let Cloud cry until he seemed to run out of tears again, although Sephiroth was certain the boy— _boy_ —was nowhere near finished. By the time the sobs and screaming had died down into sniffles, Sephiroth had made a decision: he needed help.

"Cloud, I'm going to call my 2IC and get him to come up here. He's a really good guy, and I think we could both use his help to deal with this. Is that okay?" Sephiroth was already pulling out his PHS and dialling Zack's number. He didn't really care if having another person know would upset Cloud more; Sephiroth couldn't deal with this on his own. And honestly, how much more upset could the kid possibly get? Cloud didn't protest, though, which came as a relief. While he was willing to ignore Cloud's feelings on the matter, he probably would have felt guilty for doing so.

"What's up, sir?" Zack answered on the fourth ring.

"I need your help with something, Fair. Can you come up to my apartment?"

"Sure. Is this a right away sort of thing, or do I have time to finish my dinner?"

"It's a right away sort of thing," Sephiroth said while he continued to rub Cloud's back. "Sorry."

"Damn," Zack sighed, "Canned chili is never as good when you heat it a second time. So what's the problem? Are you okay? You had an appointment with _him_ today, right?"

Sephiroth could hear Zack putting his boots on and a door opening and then closing. "I did, but that's not it." Sephiroth wondered how to explain it. "When I was leaving, I found...well, I've got a cadet in my apartment, and I don't really know what to do with...him."

"A cadet? You found a fucking _cadet_ in the labs, Sephiroth? Is that what you're saying?" There were heavy footsteps. It sounded like Zack was taking several stairs at a time; he only lived one floor down, after all.

"Yes," Sephiroth said as he heard the stairwell door slam open. "Just a second. Cloud, I'm going to go let Zack in. I'll be right back."

Cloud nodded and shifted away and Sephiroth stood up, putting the phone back to his ear.

"Sephiroth! Did you say _Cloud_?" Zack was shouting loudly enough that Sephiroth could hear him from outside.

"Yes, that's his name. Do you know him?" Sephiroth opened his front door and Zack flew through before the alarm had finished its three beeps announcing that the door was open. He hung up the phone and pointed towards the living room. 

"Cloud! Cloud, are you okay? Are you hurt?" Zack rushed to Cloud's side and pulled the unresponsive boy into a hug and then paused.

Sephiroth froze. Shit! He should have warned Zack or something first. Held him back while he explained. He tried to move to pull Zack off, but he was too slow.

"Cloud, did you just...squish?"

Cloud finally moved and shoved Zack off of him. He got up and ran, stumbling across the room, and looking around wildly. "Bathroom?" he asked desperately with one hand clamped over his mouth.

"That way." Sephiroth pointed. "First door on the left."

Cloud ran and Sephiroth heard the door slam followed by the sounds of Cloud vomiting. Zack was still looking shocked, but got up and moved towards the bathroom. Sephiroth grabbed his arm. "Just...just give her—fuck— _him_ a minute."

"What the _fuck_ , Sephiroth?" Zack turned on him with blazing eyes. "Did he seriously just fucking _squish_ when I hugged him?"

"Yes...sh—he was like that when I found him." Sephiroth silently berated himself; he needed to use the right pronouns, especially when he was speaking out loud. It shouldn't be that hard to remember.

"Why the fuck? And how? And what happened? And—"

"I DON'T KNOW, ZACK!" Sephiroth shouted and lashed out in frustration, putting a fist-sized hole in the wall. He sighed and rubbed his temples. "I don't know what they did to him or why. I can guess it was magic, since there aren't any signs of surgery. But I don't know. And I don't know what to do. I need your help, Zack. You know him?"

"Yeah, we've met a couple times. Us country boys have to stick together. So..." Zack stepped away from the bathroom where they wouldn't be heard if Cloud was listening. "He's really?"

"She was—shit, I mean, he was naked when I found him. On the outside, at least, he looks female."

"Completely?"

"Completely."

Zack let out a low whistle. "Shit, Seph. This is...this is more than I know how to deal with. I guess get him to stop puking would be a start. That can't be healthy."

"Right. That's a start." Sephiroth turned back to the bathroom, but Zack caught his arm.

"Maybe you should go get him a glass of water."

Sephiroth nodded silently and headed for the kitchen instead. Even though he hadn't been the one to send Cloud fleeing into the bathroom, he probably wasn't the best person to get him out either. He stared at the water swirling down the drain and zoned out for a few moments. The water was oddly fascinating and much easier to deal with than the mess that he had gotten himself into. Still, he was obligated to help.

He angrily grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and shoved it under the tap, banging down a little too hard when he shut the faucet off. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to any of them, and they didn't deserve it. He heard shuffling footsteps in the living room and sighed heavily before going back out there.

The only thing that didn't look female about the pale, trembling figure on the couch was his hair, he thought with yet another sigh. Sephiroth set the glass down in front of the two and sat back down on the edge of his chair, ready to do whatever was needed. Zack was wiping Cloud's eyes with a tissue and had taken a box of them from the bathroom. He tossed the soiled tissue down on the table and held out the water.

"Here," Zack said quietly, "Take a sip."

Cloud silently obeyed; he didn't really appear to be processing much at the moment. 

"I guess, for tonight, you can stay with me. My roommate doesn't get back from his mission until late tomorrow...I don't know what would be best after that. I'm sure that if we explain..."

"He can stay here," Sephiroth spoke up.

"What was that? Seph, you've never let anyone stay in your apartment before!"

"I do have a spare room. I'll have to clear it out a bit and make up the bed, but it'll be better than your couch. It's safer for him too. The less moving around and the fewer people who know, the better."

"Yeah, that's true, but...Are you sure?"

"I don't mind. I was planning to let him stay here anyway. Before I called you."

Zack nodded and looked down at Cloud, who had yet to show any sort of reaction. "Is that okay with you, Spike? Want to crash at the great Sephiroth's place?"

"Kay."

Sephiroth rather doubted that Cloud had even heard what Zack had asked. Not that it really mattered, he supposed. If Cloud changed his mind later, they could figure something else out.

"What about he—his things?" Sephiroth asked. "We should probably get them out of the barracks before they disappear."

"And you'd probably be tons happier if you had your own stuff here, hey, Cloud? Don't want to be stuck in stupid green scrubs all the time." Zack had to be given credit for trying; Sephiroth was impressed with that. "Well," he glanced at his watch, "If I go now, I can say I'm just finishing up some business for the day before I go home. I'll think of some reason for me to be taking his footlocker. Cloud, do you have things anywhere other than your footlocker and closet? Hidden under your bed?"

Cloud's head shook slowly from side to side, so Zack nodded and stood, ruffling Cloud's hair. "Gotcha. I'll be back as quick as I can then." Zack shot a concerned look at him as he passed Sephiroth's chair.

"We'll be fine, Zack," Sephiroth said and hoped it was true. He took Zack's place on the couch and hesitantly wrapped his arm around Cloud's shoulders like Zack had been doing. Cloud didn't react, so at least it didn't appear to be the wrong thing to do.

Zack gave him a smile and a quick salute before he disappeared, and Sephiroth heard the door slam a moment later.

"Do you want some more water?" Sephiroth held out the glass.

Cloud nodded and took a few small sips before placing the glass back on the table. Tears were streaming silently down her face and Sephiroth grabbed another tissue to wipe them away. "Can I really stay here?" she asked quietly.

"Of course you can," Sephiroth said, mentally smacking himself upside the head again for thinking of Cloud as a girl. "You can't go back to the barracks like this, and I've got room to spare. It's about time I got myself a roommate anyway."

"Thank you, sir. Sorry for all this."

"There's nothing to be sorry for; you've been holding up admirably, all things considered."

Cloud almost smiled at that. "Yeah, right. I've been hysterical since you found me. Crying like a girl..."

"Crying like someone who's had their life fucked over royally in the space of one afternoon. I'm pretty sure I'd be hysterical too." Sephiroth continued before Cloud could say anything else. "We'll fix it, Cloud. We'll find a way."

***

Cloud was leaning comfortably against Sephiroth with his eyes closed by the time Zack got back with the footlocker and a few hangers with clothing draped overtop.

"He sleeping?" Zack asked quietly.

"No," Sephiroth said at the same time that Cloud noticed Zack was back and sat up. "Cloud, can you wait here a few minutes while I go get your room set up?"

Cloud nodded. "I can help."

"That's fine, Cloud. It'll only take a minute to clear off the bed and throw some sheets on it."

"We've got you covered, Spike, don't worry about it." Zack readjusted the heavy trunk in his arms and followed Sephiroth down the hallway.

Sephiroth flicked the lights on in the seldom-used guest bedroom—damn, he hadn't realized how much junk had accumulated in it over the years. The rest of his apartment was so neat; it seemed like all the random stuff gravitated towards this room. "Just set his trunk down where there's space, and I'll clear off the bed. There're sheets and bedding in the hall closet if you want to grab some."

"Sure thing, boss. You know, I'm a little shocked you even have a bed in here."

Sephiroth shrugged as he started dumping old clothes he didn't wear anymore in a pile in the corner. "It came with the place."

He had done a rather hasty tidy-up job by the time Zack got back with the bedding. The bed was free of junk and there was a path leading to it from the door. They quickly made up the bed, and Zack took a look through Cloud's footlocker for pyjamas.

"Do you think...do you think he'll be able to handle getting changed?"

"I don't know," Sephiroth said, "I pretty much dressed him after I found him."

"Right, well, maybe I should stay with him and make sure he's okay...unless it would be better if you did...since you've already seen him...like that. Shit, I don't know." Zack ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. "And if he's staying here, then he's going to have you around more often, so he should get used to you, but I'm his friend. Maybe he'll just want to stay in the scrubs."

"Zack, I think you're thinking too much." With that, Sephiroth went back out into the living room and crouched down next to the couch. "Cloud, the bed's made up for you. Are you tired?"

Cloud nodded absently.

"All right, come on, let's get you settled in." Sephiroth took Cloud by the hand and led him to the spare room. "It's a bit messy, but I'll clean it up tomorrow. For now, it should do."

Cloud sat down on the bed and looked around a bit. "Thank you, sir."

"Here, Zack found your pyjamas." Sephiroth held up the clothes for Cloud to see. When Cloud didn't make any move towards them, Sephiroth decided that efficiency was the best way of dealing with it for now. "Let's get you changed."

Cloud barely had a chance to react before Sephiroth pulled his scrub top off and couldn't even glance down before the t-shirt was pulled over his head. Cloud actually cooperated with putting his arms through the sleeves, which helped a lot.

"All right, half done," Sephiroth said encouragingly. Now for the really tricky part. "Can you stand up for me? Good, and just look at the ceiling or something. No point in forcing yourself to see just yet." Sephiroth was pretty sure that social protocol dictated that he should have been punched for yanking off a girl's pants that quickly, but Cloud just placed a hand on his shoulder for balance while Sephiroth lifted one foot at a time. He transferred the old pant leg off and the new one on at the same time and had the sleep pants pulled back up in a matter of seconds.

"There you go." Sephiroth nudged Cloud to sit back down again. "All done."

Cloud gave him a weak, embarrassed smile and plucked at the fabric of his pants. "Thanks. I should have—"

"It'll get easier, Cloud," Sephiroth said, guessing at what Cloud was most likely thinking. "I don't think you're incapable, I just think you've had a long day and you shouldn't have to deal with anything more tonight." He pulled back the blankets and got Cloud lying down. Sephiroth covered him up and gently rubbed his back. "Get some sleep. If you need anything, my room is right at the end of the hall. Or just yell for me, okay?"

Cloud nodded and shut his eyes, pulling the blanket up to his chin.

"Sleep well, Cloud," Zack said from the doorway.

Sephiroth turned away and followed Zack out of the room, not quite closing the door all the way.

"Holy fucking shit, Seph!" Zack exclaimed in hushed tones when they got to the living room. "You needed _help_? Dude, you got him changed and into bed before he even blinked. I would have been so awkward."

"I just thought it would be best to get it over with," Sephiroth said. "If he didn't have a chance to think about it, he might not get upset. That's what I was hoping, at least."

"Well, it worked. Seriously impressed here, man." Zack made a short trip into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge, coming back with two bottles of beer and flopping down on the couch. "Here, you earned it." He held one bottle out to Sephiroth, who took it and sat down in his chair. "I can't fucking believe you had to rescue a cadet from the labs. I mean, we've all heard the stories, but they were just that. _Stories!_ No one actually believed they were true. It's like that story about the ghost in the men's room on the twelfth floor, you know?"

Sephiroth nodded, understanding that Zack needed to get it off his chest. Zack had a strange need to vent his feelings whenever he was upset, and that venting usually came in the shape of a long monologue.

"I mean, sure," Zack continued, "It's kind of creepy and there's that one light that's never worked and I swear the tap turned on by itself once while I was in there. But that shit's just to scare people! And the lab stories keep the cadets working hard. I've said it myself: 'If you don't finish your laps, you're going to end up part of someone's science project in the lab!' But...it's true." Zack's voice suddenly got quieter. "And it happened to my friend...to Cloud. He's the sweetest fucking kid, Seph, why would anyone want to hurt him? What kind of company do I work for?"

"I wish I could tell you that this was just a one time thing, Zack. That Shin-Ra's not really like this. But I've had my suspicions about the cadets for a long time. Letters have occasionally gotten through to me...people wondering where their sons are...sons that have supposedly dropped out and gone home." Sephiroth took a large swig of his beer. "I never had proof until now though."

"So, what do we do? Go public? That'd kill Cloud."

"I think you're right, he's not in any sort of condition to do that. I want to find out what was done to him, and see if there's a way we can reverse it. Was—I hate to ask it, but was Cloud doing well in the cadet program?"

Zack hesitated a moment before replying. "No...it's not that he didn't work hard or wasn't cut out for it; I think he's just a late bloomer. A lot of his instructors said that he was mentally weak. When I went to pick up his locker, everyone assumed that he had dropped out. I didn't even need to tell them anything."

Sephiroth nodded, his suspicions confirmed. "I think that those are the ones they pick. The ones nobody will miss or care that they're gone."

"I'd miss him. And I'd care."

"I know...Zack, do me a favour and keep an eye on the other strugglers. Ask your friends to help out, if you think they can be discreet. I want to put a stop to this, but I want to figure out how to fix Cloud first."

Zack nodded his agreement. "I'll do that. I know a few guys who'll help. So what _are_ we going to do about Cloud?"

"I'm not sure, I—" Sephiroth paused as he heard a noise from the bedroom, followed by soft footsteps down the hallway. Cloud appeared at the entrance to the living room and they both stood.

"What's up, Cloud?" Zack asked.

"I—" Cloud's voice was barely audible. "I have to—go to the bathroom."

Zack and Sephiroth exchanged nervous glances before Zack sprang into action. "Sure, bud, maybe you should use Sephiroth's bathroom, since the other one's a bit messy...it's just through here. Now, um, you know girls sit down to pee, right? Of course you do. And, oh! I read in a magazine once that they're supposed to wipe from front to back, for like, infections or something...I dunno. Is _Midgar Girl_ a reliable source, Seph?"

"I've never read it," Sephiroth said shortly. He knew Zack was nervous, but his 'advice' didn't appear to be helping Cloud look any less terrified. "Cloud, do you think you can do it on your own? Or would you rather one of us—" Sephiroth caught Zack's horrified expression and reworded. "Or would you rather I come in with you?"

Cloud was red as a tomato and trembling. Sephiroth was certain Cloud couldn't actually handle it by himself, but he was too embarrassed to ask. He didn't want Cloud to panic again if they could avoid it, so he tried to convince him. "I can hold your hand and talk to you, or help you out if you need it. It's just going to the bathroom, Cloud. We all do it. I don't mind being there."

Cloud gave a shaky nod of his head; it appeared that the fear had won out over embarrassment. "Please," he whispered.

Sephiroth sent Zack away with a glare and took Cloud by the hand, leading him into the bathroom. He put the seat on the toilet down and sat on the edge of the counter. When Cloud hesitated, Sephiroth started talking. "Your t-shirt's long; it's going to be able to cover you while you're sitting. Just pull your pants down far enough, and take a seat; you don't need to look to do that."

Cloud took a deep breath. "Okay..." He let go of Sephiroth's hand long enough to pull his pants down while staring at the ceiling. When he was seated on the toilet, Sephiroth reached out and pulled the t-shirt out a little ways so it covered a bit more before taking Cloud's hand again.

"Good job," he said, giving Cloud's small hand a squeeze. "Now you've just got to relax and let it out." He reached over and turned on the tap, hoping to minimize Cloud's embarrassment. He could still hear, when Cloud finally started urinating, but hoped that Cloud would think that he couldn't. When it stopped, Sephiroth reached down and unrolled some toilet paper. He wasn't sure how much girls used, but figured too much would be better than too little. He held it out to Cloud. "Can you?"

Cloud nodded almost firmly and took the paper from him, taking another deep breath as he did so. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling again as Sephiroth pulled Cloud's shirt out of the way. There was a small whimper as Cloud hastily patted himself dry and dropped the toilet paper in the bowl. He sprang up and pulled his pants back up as quickly as he could before leaning, gasping and shaking against the wall. Sephiroth flushed the toilet and pushed himself off the counter. He guided Cloud over to the sink and got him to wash his hands and wiped a few tears off his cheeks.

"There, you did it, Cloud. You did really well."

More tears followed moments later, and Cloud choked back a sob. "I—I—I needed _help!_ Going to the bathroom! You—I mean—You congratulated me on _pissing!_ "

Sephiroth pulled Cloud into his arms, hugging her tightly. Had be been wrong? He thought he was just encouraging he— _him_ , but maybe it had sounded patronizing. "Shh, Cloud, it's all right," he said helplessly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you. And I _don't_ think any less of you for needing help. Anyone in a similar situation would be the same, I'm sure of it. Come on, let's go back to your room." He started walking awkwardly while still hugging Cloud. Zack was waiting out in the hallway and stepped aside as they came through. He had just gotten Cloud lying back down when Zack came in.

"You doing all right, buddy?" Zack asked as he handed Cloud a tissue and Sephiroth stepped back.

Cloud wiped his nose and nodded, trying to blink away the tears.

"Sorry for running out on you like that. I think Seph's a lot better at stuff like that. It takes a helluva lot to embarrass him."

"Comes from growing up giving all sorts of samples in front of a roomful of people," Sephiroth said nonchalantly. It was true; there wasn't a whole lot that he could be asked to do that would faze him. Even providing sperm samples was routine enough to not bother him anymore.

Cloud sniffled and curled up into a ball before cringing and straightening out again. Zack had taken over the emotional comfort, for which Sephiroth was extremely grateful. He would have to get better at that, he knew, if Cloud was going to stay here, but for now, he was glad for Zack's help. Sephiroth quietly slipped out of the room and went back to the living room. He took a sip of his beer, and then poured the rest down the drain. It was warm, and he wanted something stronger. But when he looked at the bottle of scotch, he decided against it and just collapsed on his chair instead. Now wasn't the time to be getting drunk, however much it might help _him_ deal with things.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a bit of a panic about the lack of internet here last night, but I searched our hotel room and found an ethernet connection this morning. So yay, a chapter! I don't know if I'll be able to post again next week, but I'll see what I can manage.

Sephiroth woke with a start what felt like only a few minutes later, but the sun was glaring brightly, and he could hear his alarm clock going off in his room. Zack was snoring on the couch, drooling on a throw pillow. Cracking his back painfully, Sephiroth pushed himself out of the chair and went to shut off the alarm. A quick peek into the guest room showed that the noise hadn't woken Cloud, a small mercy that Sephiroth was grateful for. Maybe he'd have time for a cup of coffee before he'd need to help Cloud face being awake again.

The smell of coffee brewing had Zack stumbling into the kitchen, groping around blearily for a mug until Sephiroth took pity on him. "Tell me we got wasted last night and I just had a really fucked up dream," Zack mumbled as he sipped his coffee.

"Wish I could, but your fucked up dream is still sleeping," Sephiroth said, rummaging through his cupboards for cereal. He kept a box of the sugary kind Zack liked for mornings when he came over early before a mission. Maybe Cloud would like it too. Or maybe he'd prefer real food for breakfast.

"Damn."

"Did it take him long to calm down last night?" Sephiroth asked.

"Nah, he was all right. He conked out pretty quickly." Zack grabbed two bowls out of the cupboard and poured out some cereal, handing the other one to Sephiroth. "He was more embarrassed that he needed help more than anything, I think. But...I think he knew that he couldn't have done it without the help either, and that was what was hardest for him."

"I understand." Sephiroth nodded solemnly as he poured his own cereal. "He's an adult—or fairly near to one—you told him that I didn't mind, right?"

"Of course I did, Seph! What kind of asshole do you take me for?"

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that he knows."

"So, I was thinking about what we should do for today," Zack started. "Cloud's gonna need someone to stay with him for a while until he can handle stuff like that on his own. So I was thinking that I could tell Lazard that you're puking your guts up after being treated like a lab rat or something and you can't come in today. I'll still go in and see if I can get a few people to help me out with keeping an eye on the other cadets. And I'll also see what I can find out about what's going on in the lab."

Sephiroth nodded. "I'm fine with that. Make sure you're careful about the lab though. I don't want you to draw attention to yourself."

"Yup, no problem. I'm an ace at covert ops."

Sephiroth snorted derisively but didn't say anything more about it. "Do you mind if I take a shower before you go? I'd rather not have Cloud wake up alone."

"Go for it," Zack said, getting up to get another cup of coffee. "Just be quick. I'll probably be late as it is, though I guess I can just say I was sticking thermometres up your butt or something."

Sephiroth shot a glare at Zack and got a cheeky smile and a blown kiss in return. His shower was quick, but refreshing, and it felt wonderful to get out of his uniform. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually slept in it and had forgotten how gross and uncomfortable it was. He changed into more comfortable jeans and a t-shirt and saw Zack off, half-heartedly yelling at him for stealing his coffee mug.

After Zack had gone, Sephiroth milled around for a while, wondering when Cloud would wake up. He supposed that Cloud probably would have slept in late even if he hadn't been experimented on and traumatized. The life of a Shin-Ra cadet wasn't easy, and if no one woke them, they tended to sleep for as long as they possibly could. The second bathroom still needed to be cleaned, and Sephiroth decided it would be an appropriate way to kill time.

He had cleaned the bathroom, read the paper, and watched half of some drama show that he didn't really understand by the time he finally heard movement from the spare bedroom. And it was a long while after that before Cloud poked his head into the living room.

"Good morning, Cloud," Sephiroth said casually as he stood up and shut off the TV. "Are you cold?"

Cloud adjusted the blanket that was wrapped around his shoulders and shook his head. "No, sir, I'm just..."

Hiding his body. "Don't worry about it. How are you feeling today?"

"Like a girl," Cloud said, staring resolutely at the floor.

"Right." Sephiroth stuffed his hands in his pockets and shuffled awkwardly. Why the hell had he let Zack leave? "Do you need to use the bathroom? Or are you hungry?"

Cloud shook his head and took a few steps back towards the bedroom. "I'm sorry to bother you, sir. I should—I don't know...sorry."

"Cadet Strife, get back out here," Sephiroth ordered.

Cloud froze in his tracks but didn't come back, so Sephiroth went after him. "Cloud, you can't hide from this," he said in a far gentler tone, and he set a hand on Cloud's shoulder. "I know you're scared and upset, but I need you to try. Please?"

Cloud turned to face him again; there were a few tears trickling out of the corners of his eyes and Sephiroth pulled him into a hug. "It's just—" Cloud choked out, "It's real, sir. It's really real and—and—I can't do this. I can't be a girl."

"Shh, I'm not asking you to be a girl. I'm not asking you anything like that. You're male no matter what your body looks like. But I just need you to try to cope with this as best you can until we can fix it. You need to survive until then, that's all I'm asking."

Cloud spent several minutes crying—Sephiroth had a feeling they'd be doing a lot of this—before he sniffed loudly and wiped at his eyes.

"Feeling better?" Sephiroth asked.

"Yeah, a little. I don't know why I'm crying so much. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's stress and hormones."

"Hormones?" Cloud asked.

"You're used to processing male hormones; female hormones are different and it would have been a task getting used to them even if you weren't so stressed. Your body will get used to it, and you'll be able to cope a bit better soon enough." Sephiroth was mildly amused that one of the biology books he had been forced to read as a part of his education had actually come in handy. "So don't worry about it. You can't help it right now, okay?"

"Okay." Cloud looked up and gave him a weak smile.

Sephiroth pulled the blanket back around Cloud's shoulders a bit better and gave him another hug before letting go. "So, do you want some breakfast?"

"I—yes please, but..." Cloud blushed again and went back to looking at the floor, but Sephiroth saw his eyes dart to the bathroom entrance.

"Toilet?" Sephiroth asked, and Cloud nodded shyly. "Let's go." He made Cloud drop the blanket outside the door, as it would have just made things more difficult. He figured Cloud would tell him when he no longer needed help with this, so he wouldn't put him through the embarrassment of having to say it each time. It did go a lot better this time; Sephiroth tried to be encouraging without the patronization. While he wasn't sure if he was successful in that regard, Cloud didn't end up in tears again, so it was at least a step in the right direction.

Sephiroth picked up the discarded blanket and offered it to Cloud. "Would you prefer a sweater or something? That would be easier, I'd think."

"I'm okay with this." Cloud gave him another small smile and wrapped the blanket around himself. 

"All right, let's get some food into you then. It's been a long time since you last ate."

Cloud was happy with the sugary cereal, but turned down coffee in favour of juice. He kept glancing around nervously as he ate, trying to sneak peeks at his surroundings and his host without being noticed. He seemed to be too shy to say anything though.

"How about I show you around the place after you're done eating?" Sephiroth asked.

"Um, okay." Cloud nodded and started shovelling cereal into his mouth.

"When you're finished, Cloud. Don't make yourself sick; there's no rush." Sephiroth poured himself another cup of coffee and sat down in the hopes that Cloud would relax a little.

"Where—where's Zack?" Cloud eventually asked.

"He went in to work today; he's going to see if he can find out what's going on in the science department. But don't get your hopes up just yet."

"Don't worry, I get it. I'm stuck like this for a while." Cloud sighed as he finished up the last of his cereal.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you that we'll be able to fix it quickly, but...Do you want more?" Sephiroth pointed to the empty bowl.

"No, thank you, sir. I'm fine."

Sephiroth took the bowl from Cloud. "Let's go for a tour, then. This is the kitchen. Help yourself to whatever you want. There's a list on the fridge; if we run out of something or there's anything in particular you want, write it there." Sephiroth stuck the bowl in the dishwasher and looked around. "It's pretty self–explanatory," he said, shrugging.

Cloud nodded and took a shy glance around. "It's pretty fancy."

"Yeah, it came this way," Sephiroth explained. "Shin-Ra hired some famous designer to furnish and decorate the place. It's nice enough, I guess. Come on." Sephiroth led Cloud back towards the bedrooms and opened the first door. "This is my study. I'll set up an account for you on the computer, and feel free to take a look through any of the books in here. There's nothing classified on the shelves, so don't worry about that."

"You read a lot, don't you, sir?" Cloud asked, taking in the shelves stacked high with books.

"Mmm, yes, I enjoy it. If what I've got isn't to your tastes, let me know and I can pick up anything you'd like. Do you read much?"

"Yeah, there's never any time in the program, though. I guess now I'll have plenty of time to catch up."

"Well, that chair is a fantastic reading chair," Sephiroth said, pointing at a well–worn chair in the far corner of the study. "I highly recommend it."

Cloud smiled a bit at that. "Thank you, sir."

"You don't have to call me 'sir', Cloud."

"Guess I'm not in the army anymore."

Sephiroth reached out and touched Cloud's shoulder. "I didn't mean it like that, I want just you to be comfortable around me."

Cloud nodded. "I understand, sorry, I..."

Sephiroth took Cloud's hand and gave it a squeeze, leading him out of the study. "There're just the bedrooms down there. I'll get yours cleaned up after the tour." Sephiroth gestured towards the far end of the hallway and then tugged Cloud out past the dining area again and into the living room. "TV, all the amenities—my movie selection isn't very good, I'm afraid, but again, anything you want, just ask me. Zack probably has some DVDs you can borrow as well. And I've got the full cable package." Sephiroth was worried about how Cloud would stave off boredom; he wouldn't be able to easily leave the apartment, so he hoped that Cloud would feel comfortable asking him for what he wanted.

"Okay." Cloud pointed to a small door. "What's in there?"

"It's an exercise room," Sephiroth said, leading Cloud over and unlocking the door. There was a treadmill and stationary bike, as well as a few weight machines and some dumbbells. "I share it with Tseng, but neither of us ever use it. It's too small compared to what's available in headquarters. But I think you could get good use of it."

"Yeah." Cloud smiled. "That would be good. Who's Tseng?"

"He's the leader of the Turks. His apartment is next to this one. He's...a bit unpredictable, so I'd like you to avoid him until I can figure out where he stands."

"What do you mean, unpredictable?"

"Tseng takes his job very seriously and if he thought it was in the company's best interest, he'd turn you over to Hojo in a heartbeat. However, he's also been known to side with me over things like Hojo, so it's hard to tell what his reaction to you would be. Until I figure it out, I'll give you his schedule, and I'd like you to only use this room when he's working. I don't want to risk him walking in on you."

Cloud gulped and nodded. He had probably heard stories about the Turks and how you never wanted to cross them.

"Don't worry about it. Just keep the door locked when you're not using it and if he causes problems, I'll protect you. You have my word."

Cloud blushed and suddenly became fascinated by the floor; she really looked adorable with the blanket wrapped around he— _his_ shoulders. 

"And over here, we have the balcony," Sephiroth continued casually. He didn't want to think about how cute Cloud had looked. That was way too much to deal with right now. He opened the balcony door and showed Cloud the spacious area. There was a barbeque out there and a small table with some chairs. He had been skeptical about the barbeque when he first moved in, but it had swiftly turned into his favourite way to cook.

"Wow, you've got a great view, sir," Cloud said, forgetting to hang onto the blanket while he looked over the railing.

"It's best in the evenings," Sephiroth said as he leaned over to pick up the blanket. "We're facing west, and the smog from the mako reactors makes for some brilliant sunsets. We can barbeque something for dinner tonight, and you can see for yourself."

"That would be nice." Cloud turned away from the railing. He seemed to realize that he had dropped the blanket, and his arms suddenly flew up to his chest, covering it.

"It's okay, Cloud." Sephiroth shook the blanket out and wrapped it around him again, giving him a hug at the same time. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. And your shirt is baggy, so it's hardly noticeable."

"I notice," Cloud said in a quavering voice with his face pressed into Sephiroth's shoulder.

"I know. I understand." He led Cloud back inside and made him a cup of tea. He made a note to get more tea; that seemed to be his go-to beverage of choice for calming down. "How about you take a look at the books and see if there's anything that interests you while I get an account made for you on the computer?"

"O—okay," Cloud said shakily.

Cloud perused the shelves while Sephiroth sat down at his desk. He didn't set up an account just yet, opting to go online for a bit of research first. There had to be things out there to help transgender people with their daily lives. Cloud needed something to wrap around his chest to hide his breasts. Sephiroth had thought of tensor bandages, but those were narrow and would probably be uncomfortable. Cloud also wouldn't be able to put them on by himself, which might be a problem.

He found a support site for people in the Midgar area that recommended a store that stocked some binding choices for trans men. He made a note of the name and address, and then went about making the account for Cloud. Maybe tomorrow, if he got Zack to stay with Cloud, he could go and see what they had. He wanted to get that done as soon as possible, but he supposed it depended on whether or not Cloud was able to go to the bathroom on his own by then, or if Zack would be willing to help him if he wasn't.

Sephiroth cast a glance at Cloud; he was curled up on the chair with a book and looked almost happy. Feeling fairly certain that he'd be fine there for a while, Sephiroth turned back to the computer and accessed his files. He didn't quite dare to go into the Shin-Ra database to look up Cloud's full file so soon after the escape, but he had an offline copy of all the army personnel's basic information. Cloud's was pretty average; he was from a town on the Western Continent called Nibelheim, sixteen years old; he joined the ranks the previous fall, just after his sixteenth birthday. Sephiroth let out a soft chuckle; it was all stuff he could have just asked Cloud. It might have even made for an interesting conversation.

"Did you say something, sir?" Cloud asked.

"No," Sephiroth said, quickly closing the file. "But here, your account is just about set up if you want to set the password for it."

Cloud set his book down and came over. Sephiroth let him sit and they finished setting it up.

"I know you just had breakfast, but do you want some lunch?"

"Oh, um, okay."

Sephiroth nodded and headed for the door. When Cloud started to follow him, he waved him back. "Stay here and read your book. I'll give you a shout when it's ready. Are sandwiches okay?"

The hurt look on Cloud's face made Sephiroth feel a bit bad for brushing him off like that, but he needed a break. Having someone else in his apartment was bad enough, but someone on the verge of tears all the time was even worse. It wasn't Cloud's fault, he knew that, and it was certainly even more tiring for him, but still...Sephiroth sighed as he started piling sandwich fixings on the counter; he had volunteered to do this, and he would see it through to the end.

They ate their meal in uncomfortable silence. As they were finishing up the last of the sandwiches, Sephiroth finally spoke. "Will you help me clean out your room when we're done eating?" Much as he loathed the idea of having someone else going through his things, it was something that they could do together that wouldn't be upsetting for Cloud.

Cloud looked up eagerly. "Yes, sir, of course I can." He polished off his sandwich and brought his plate into the kitchen, stumbling a bit in his haste.

Sephiroth dumped both their plates in the dishwasher and found some empty boxes in the front closet from when he had moved in. He set Cloud up with some packing tape and told him to put them together while he looked at what needed to be done in the room. Now that he was looking at it during the day, it really wasn't that bad. Most of the clothes—as long as they couldn't be identified as his—could be donated, and the rest seemed to be random books and knickknacks that he had acquired over the years. They could just box everything up and find somewhere else to stash it.

They worked out a system where Sephiroth sorted and Cloud packed the boxes. It worked well, and Sephiroth found himself comfortable enough to attempt to start a conversation.

"Where are you from, Cloud?" he asked. "Zack said you're a country boy."

"Yeah," Cloud laughed as he folded a shirt, "I'm from a little town called Nibelheim. Have you heard of it?"

"I've heard the name before, but I don't know anything about it."

"There's not much to know. The most interesting thing in it is the water tower. There's a reactor not far from it, and Shin-Ra's got a mansion just outside of the town. It's so boring; I couldn't wait until I was old enough to enlist just so I could have an excuse to get out of there."

"Do you like it in the army?" Sephiroth could have kicked himself as soon as he asked that question. Why the hell did a simple conversation have to be so hard?

"It's hard," Cloud said, "But yeah, I like it. It's...I dunno, it's what I always wanted to do. I know I wasn't the best, but Zack kept telling me that I'd improve...I guess it doesn't really matter now, huh."

"After this is sorted out, we can see about getting you reenlisted, if that's what you want."

Cloud let out a bitter laugh. "Somehow, I can't see myself wanting to work for the company that did this to me."

"Right. I understand." Sephiroth fished around in his mind for something else to talk about. "What book were you reading?"

" _The Face in the Frost._ It looked interesting; you don't have a whole lot of fantasy books."

"You like fantasies?" Sephiroth had never really seen the point.

"Yeah, it's fun to escape into a story where impossible things happen...to someone other than me. What's your favourite type of story?"

"If I'm reading fiction, I like mysteries. I think that's why I got that one, actually. It's sort of a mystery, too, isn't it?"

"I dunno, so far it's just funny and a little scary."

"Well, I'm glad you found something that you like. I can get some more if you want."

"Thanks, sir, but you don't have to."

Sephiroth sighed; that was exactly what he didn't want Cloud to say. "Cloud, you're going to be stuck here for a while and I don't want you going stir crazy. Since you won't be able to easily go down to the store and pick something up, you're going to have to tell me when you want something. That includes entertainment, random snacks you crave, and your preferred brand of toothpaste; it's not frivolous and I won't mind."

Cloud began obsessively smoothing out the wrinkles in a shirt he had just folded and answered quietly. "Yes, sir."

They fell silent again after that and worked quickly until everything had been packed up and neatly labelled.

"We'll put the boxes that are going to goodwill by the door and the others in the study for now," Sephiroth said as he picked up one of the boxes. Cloud followed suit, or tried to, but lost his balance and dropped the heavy box as he stumbled.

"Dammit! Sorry, sir, it was heavier than I expected." Cloud tried picking it up again and succeeded, but he was definitely having trouble as he staggered to the door with it. His arms didn't quite reach all the way around and he could barely see where he was going.

Sephiroth followed Cloud out and set his own box down next to the other. "Maybe you should stick with the smaller, lighter boxes. I can carry the heavy ones."

Cloud nodded, but Sephiroth saw tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. "I weight train all the time, sir. I can carry that much."

Sephiroth could only think to pat Cloud's shoulder in consolation. People overestimated their abilities all the time, especially in front of him. Unfortunately, there weren't very many light boxes, and Cloud had them all moved fairly quickly, leaving only the heavy ones. When he stumbled again trying to carry one, he burst into tears.

"Fuck!" he shouted, kicking the box in frustration. "It's just a stupid box! Why the hell can't I carry it?"

"It's not a big deal, Cloud," Sephiroth said. "I can move the rest, why don't you go take a break."

"I can do it!" Cloud shouted. "I _know_ I can carry this much! I want to help you!"

"Well, you're not helping!" Sephiroth found himself shouting back. "You _can't_ carry it, and you're going to hurt yourself if you keep trying. Go read your book."

Cloud looked at him with wide, hurt-filled eyes before he turned and ran from the room. Sephiroth heard a door slam somewhere in the apartment a few moments later and he slammed his fist into his thigh. " _Stupid!_ You _stupid_ idiot!" he hissed. How could he have lost his temper like that? As soon as he actually thought about it, it made sense that Cloud couldn't carry as much as he thought he could. Women's upper body strength was completely different from men's. And considering the physical attributes listed on Cloud's file, he was at least a few inches shorter than he had been. No small wonder it was hard for him.

Sephiroth moved the remaining boxes as quickly as he could while constantly berating himself. He should have made sense of the clumsiness sooner too; Cloud's centre of gravity was in a completely different place than what he was used to. Throw a heavy box or running into the equation and he was going to be tripping all over the place. Sephiroth wasn't sure if he should be leaving Cloud alone right now, but figured he should get this done so they wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. At least he knew that Cloud was still in the apartment; the alarm on the front door hadn't beeped.

After a brief search of the apartment, Sephiroth found Cloud huddled in a corner on the balcony, crying quietly. He grabbed the blanket Cloud had been using earlier and draped it over his shoulders. He wasn't sure if it was still too cold out for an unenhanced person wearing only a light shirt, but thought the blanket might be comforting, even if it wasn't necessary.

"I'm sorry, Cloud," he said, crouching down next to him. "I shouldn't have yelled. I understand now why you were having trouble, and I shouldn't have just assumed that you were trying to impress me. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"I—I don't know wh—why I'm crying again. I'm _angry_ , not sad," Cloud choked out.

"I'm sorry, you have every right to be angry with me. Do you want me to call Zack and get him to come back?"

"I'm not mad at _you_." Cloud curled his hands into fists around the blanket. "I'm mad at myself. I _should have_ been able to carry that! Instead I look like a fucking tool, tripping and falling all over the place, dropping your things..."

"No, Cloud, no. It's not your fault." Sephiroth sat down next to Cloud and pulled him into a hug. "Your body is completely different than what you're used to. You've got two arms and two legs, but they're the wrong size. Your balance is fucked up because women have different centres of gravity. Your muscles just aren't the same anymore and you need time to adjust to that."

"It's not mine...I'm not me..." Cloud pressed his face into Sephiroth's arm and cried. "I—I feel like—like I'm in someone else's body, and it doesn't do what I say unless that person feels like it. I can make suggestions, and that's about it."

Sephiroth, once again, couldn't think of anything comforting to say, so he opted to just hold Cloud while he cried it out. He focused on the pattern of cracks in the cement on the balcony wall and ran his fingers through Cloud's hair. He couldn't believe how tired he was; he was used to sleeping in far worse conditions than he had last night.

"You two having a party out here?" A voice startled Sephiroth out of his daze and he reached for his weapon instinctively.

"Shit, Zack." Sephiroth stopped frantically searching for Masamune and resumed stroking Cloud's head to assure him that nothing was wrong. "How'd you get in here?"

"Nabbed your keycard this morning; figured you wouldn't be needing it." Zack held out the keycard and waved it in front of Sephiroth's face. "And here's your mug back, too."

Sephiroth snatched them both away and glared at Zack, accidentally jostling Cloud in the process. Cloud got up and wrapped the blanket tightly around himself, hiding his face, and pushed his way past Zack into the apartment.

"You okay, Spiky? What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," Cloud said, heading towards the bedrooms.

"What happened, Seph?" Zack looked worried as he sat down in one of the chairs.

"I...I made him cry," Sephiroth admitted. "I got frustrated with him and yelled. We boxed up everything that was in that room, so he was trying to carry them and was upset that he couldn't. I didn't even consider why he couldn't; I just got mad at him and told him to get out." Sephiroth stared up at the sky; it was beginning to darken, but he supposed there would be other nights for Cloud to see the sunset.

"Did you apologize?"

"Yeah, and honestly, I don't think he's mad at me at all. He's mad at himself for not being able to do it, and for getting so upset. I still felt like shit, though."

"As you should have."

Sephiroth's head jerked up, and he looked at Zack in surprise. That was the last thing he expected to hear from Zack. He tended to be more understanding about Sephiroth's social inadequacies.

"You lost your temper when you should have been thinking about _why_ he was having trouble; that was a shitty thing to do. You should feel bad about it. But you've apologized, and now you just have to try and make it up to him."

Sephiroth nodded his understanding. 

"Look." Zack propped his feet up on the railing. "Neither of us can truly understand what Cloud's going through. We can try, but in the end, we just don't know what it's like. So we have to be as patient as possible. It's going to be frustrating, we're going to want to lose our tempers and yell that he should just get over it. But we can't. We can't do that because he needs us, and we're all he's got. If we alienate him, who knows what's going to happen? So just remember, as hard and as frustrating it is for you, it's probably a hundred times harder for Cloud. Next time, if you find yourself getting angry, count to ten and try to see things from his point of view."

"I'll do that. I swear I didn't mean to get mad, it just happened."

"It's understandable; everyone's nerves are frayed. You're tired, worried, and stressed beyond belief. But you need to try harder." Zack thumped him on the shoulder and shot a grin at him. "Go talk to him again while I order pizza. Bring him a peace offering. Has he been hauling that blanket around all day?"

"Not _all_ day..."

Zack sighed exaggeratedly. "Give him one of your sweaters; that should be baggy enough to hide things."

"I offered him a sweater," Sephiroth protested. "He said he was fine."

"Of course he did! He's a cadet, and you're as high up the food chain as a person can get. Just give it to him and don't take 'no' for an answer."

"All right, all right. He's going to have to learn to ask for stuff, though. I can't read minds." Sephiroth pushed himself up off the ground and headed in.

"It's a peace offering, not rocket science. Now go, and don't you dare make him cry again before the pizza gets here."

"I've got it." Sephiroth slammed the door shut behind him. It wasn't like he had _tried_ to upset Cloud. He had gotten Cloud to help with cleaning the room specifically because he thought that it wouldn't!

"Go!" Zack shouted from outside. He pointed angrily towards the bedrooms when Sephiroth turned around to glare.

Sephiroth didn't have very many sweaters, as he didn't wear them often, but he rummaged through his drawers until he found a one that had been given to him several years ago. It was the one he wore most often, actually, and he wasn't sure if he really wanted to give it away. But it would cover Cloud's chest well; it was also made out of a soft wool and was really comfortable. Sephiroth nodded to himself; it would do.

The door to Cloud's room was shut, so Sephiroth knocked softly. "Cloud? It's me. Can I come in?"

There was a long moment's silence before Cloud replied, "Yeah."

Cloud was curled up on his bed, sniffling quietly with a pile of tissues beside him. Sephiroth came in and sat down beside him, fiddling with the sweater on his lap. "I really am sorry, Cloud. I should have been more patient."

Cloud shook his head. "Not your fault."

"It _is_ my fault, Cloud. Everything's different for you and I need to help you adjust, not get angry at you over things you can't help." Sephiroth grabbed a fresh tissue and wiped a few tears off Cloud's face. "Please don't be angry with yourself; none of this is your fault, and it _will_ get easier."

"Did Zack learn anything?" Cloud asked so quietly that Sephiroth could barely hear him.

"He didn't say, but...if he had, he probably would have said so right away. Sorry."

Cloud didn't say anything more, and Sephiroth was at a loss, yet again.

"I—Zack's ordering pizza for dinner; maybe we can barbeque another night when you're feeling more up to it. But, um, here." Sephiroth held out the sweater. "It'll be easier than dragging that blanket around everywhere, and you won't have to worry about it slipping off. I'm pretty sure it'll keep you covered. I'll see what I can find later so you can hide them properly." Sephiroth could have beaten his head against the wall. How awkward had that sounded? Although coming right out and talking about Cloud's breasts was probably a very bad idea, it still sounded stupid the way he phrased it.

Cloud sat up and cautiously took the sweater from Sephiroth. "For me? But...I've seen you wearing it sometimes. In pictures and stuff. I can't..."

"It's really comfortable. Here, try it on." Sephiroth took the sweater back and pulled it over Cloud's head without giving him time to protest. Cloud put his arms through the sleeves on his own, and Sephiroth helped tug it down. "It looks good on you."

"Th—thank you."

"More comfortable than the blanket?"

"Yeah."

"Good, that's the important thing. How about we go see what Zack's ordered and see if he got anything done today?" Sephiroth held out his hand to Cloud, who took it and gave him a tentative smile.

"Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thinking I should start posting this and then go on vacation and be able to update was one of the less brilliant ideas I've had. The churches of Wireless Jesus were few and far between, and even Saint WPN's Cathedral with its miracle wi-fi from nowhere had a pretty unreliable signal. Vacation was lovely with only minor alcohol poisoning, and the free sangria in the magical cavern wasn't even drugged (probably). Hooray! I should be back to my normal weekly posting schedule except maybe for the start of July.

Sephiroth gave a tired sigh as he leaned against the door after seeing Zack out. Just as he had expected, Zack hadn't been able to find anything out, except that the lab was on heightened security after a sample escaped. Both SOLDIER and the Turks had been assigned to locating it, and Zack had used the opportunity to talk to some of his friends about keeping watch over the cadets.

Sephiroth had hoped that that news, at least, would cheer Cloud up a bit, but he supposed he couldn't really expect Cloud to feel happy that others might be spared because of what had happened to him. Zack's other attempt at cheering him up hadn't gone so well either, although that was really to be expected. Honestly, he wasn't sure what had made Zack think that telling Cloud that he could play with breasts any time he wanted would be a good idea. The revelation that Cloud wasn't interested in breasts had been interesting, however.

Still, despite the setbacks, Cloud seemed to be making a bit of progress with adapting. He had used the toilet almost by himself; Sephiroth had still been in the bathroom, but he hadn't had to do or say anything. Then he had gotten his shirt changed on his own, although he still needed help with his pants and underwear. Maybe tomorrow he would be willing to try taking a shower. He didn't smell yet, but Sephiroth's enhanced sense of smell couldn't handle much in the way of body odour.

He flicked the deadbolt on the door and headed towards his room, pausing outside Cloud's when he heard some soft sniffles. He tapped quietly on the door before pushing it open. "Cloud? Is something wrong?"

Cloud hastily wiped his eyes with the sheet. "I'm not crying."

"Okay," Sephiroth said, coming in and sitting down next to Cloud. "Anything in particular you're not crying about?"

"I'm sick of crying."

"I know." Sephiroth shifted a bit closer and hugged Cloud.

"It's just...it really is going to be a long time, isn't it? I know you said, but..."

"You didn't want to believe it. I'm sorry. We'll try to figure it out as fast as we can, but yes. There's only so much we can do without exposing you to the public. And even then...There's no guarantee we'd get any results."

"I don't want that," Cloud said, sounding terrified.

"That's what I figured. We _will_ figure it out Cloud. I won't leave you like this forever, but it's going to take time. We can manage though, can't we? We'll get through it one day at a time."

"Days are awfully long."

"Then we'll just get through the next hour, or the next minute...I'll bet you ten gil you can survive the next second." Sephiroth paused while Cloud laughed quietly. "See? You can do it. I'll help you, don't worry."

"Thank you, you have helped. I—I was so scared yesterday before you found me." Cloud rested his head on Sephiroth's shoulder and shut his eyes.

"Get some sleep, Cloud. It's been a long day." Sephiroth tried to think of how Cloud must have felt, all alone in that sample room, but he couldn't fathom it. He knew what it was like to be scared in the lab, of course, to not know what was coming next, but something like that...He pulled Cloud a little closer and rocked him gently as he drifted off to sleep.

When Cloud was soundly asleep, Sephiroth laid him down and tucked him in, brushing a few strands of hair out of his eyes. "Sleep well," he whispered.

***

Sephiroth was up a while before Cloud and spent the time worrying about how he would get Cloud into the shower. He had just worked out a plan when he heard Cloud stirring in his room. Cloud poked his head out into the living room; he was wearing Sephiroth's sweater and looking nervous again.

"Good—good morning, Sephiroth."

"Morning, Cloud. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, it was all right. I—um, I'm going to go to the bathroom." Cloud plucked nervously at the hem of the sweater.

"Okay, do you need help?"

"No. I—I can do it, but...um, just in case, can you...?"

"I'll wait right outside the door for you." Sephiroth got up and gave Cloud an encouraging pat on the back.

"Th—thank you, sir." Cloud clutched at Sephiroth's arm as he shuffled towards the bathroom.

Sephiroth waited patiently outside while Cloud used the toilet. "What would you like for breakfast?" he asked, hoping to keep Cloud calm. But Cloud didn't answer until he emerged, looking on the verge of tears. Sephiroth sighed, this was too hard on the poor kid; he shouldn't have to suffer like this. He'd help him with the shower; being a bit embarrassed couldn't possibly be worse than having to deal with it on his own. 

"How about eggs and some bacon?" Sephiroth prompted, wrapping an arm around Cloud and guiding him to the kitchen table.

"That would be good. Can I help with anything? I can cook."

"That's okay, Cloud. I've got it." Sephiroth left Cloud at the table and poured him some juice. Cloud had enough to deal with now; he didn't need to help with anything. He brought the juice over to Cloud and then set work on their breakfast. Cloud sat there looking awkward and a little tired the entire time Sephiroth cooked. It seemed like he didn't know what to do with himself.

"Are you sure I can't help with anything?" Cloud asked again, sounding a bit desperate.

"It's fine—" Sephiroth paused, maybe giving Cloud a simple task would be a good idea to keep him occupied. "How about you set the table? I can show you where everything is."

Cloud hopped up and started taking out plates and cutlery to the table, shyly opening cupboards and drawers when Sephiroth wasn't fast enough to show him where to find things. Once he got the cutlery laid out, Cloud immediately went back to looking awkward.

"Just take a seat, Cloud. It's almost ready; you don't need to do anything." Sephiroth put some bread in the toaster and dished up their breakfasts, then brought the plates out to the table. Cloud sat there nervously until the toast finished and Sephiroth brought it out and sat down. "Go ahead and eat, Cloud. No need to wait for it to get cold."

"Thank you," Cloud said quietly.

When they were finishing off the last of their breakfast, Sephiroth took a deep breath and prepared to broach the topic of the day. "Cloud, I was wondering if you're feeling up to taking a shower today?"

Cloud dropped his last bite of toast and stared, wide-eyed, at Sephiroth, before becoming extremely interested in a mark on the table. "I don't suppose I can just find a really good deodorant, can I?"

"No, you can't. But I can help you, if you need or want it. I understand that you don't want to have to deal with this; it's unfair."

"I can't do it by myself," Cloud said, shaking his head. "I—I went to the bathroom on my own, but..."

"I understand, I'll help you, Cloud. We can do it." Sephiroth reached out and patted Cloud's hand. "Finish up your toast."

"I'm not hungry..." Cloud mumbled and pushed the plate away.

Sephiroth supposed it was a good thing that he had waited until Cloud was nearly done before he had brought it up. "Well, should we get it over with then?"

Cloud seemed to curl in on himself and his voice hitched. "I don't want to."

"I know, Cloud. I know you don't." Sephiroth got up and knelt beside Cloud's chair. Tears were threatening to fall from the corners of Cloud's eyes and he was shaking slightly. Sephiroth pulled him up and hugged him tightly. "You'll be all right, Cloud. I know it's scary, but I'll get you through it. You don't have to do anything more than stand there, if you want. Please?"

Cloud finally nodded and Sephiroth nudged him in the direction of the bedrooms. He picked out a fresh set of clothes for Cloud and grabbed a towel and washcloth from the linen closet. "We'll use my bathroom," he said. "It's bigger, and that will just make things easier."

Cloud followed him mutely down the hall to the master bedroom, where he hesitated outside the bathroom door.

"Come on," Sephiroth encouraged him. "You'll be all right."

At Sephiroth's urging, Cloud took the few steps forward into the bathroom, and Sephiroth shut the door behind him. He turned on the water and got it warming up before turning back to Cloud. "Okay, let's get you out of those clothes."

Cloud didn't move and just stared at the floor, so Sephiroth decided it would be easiest to just do it for him. He held Cloud's arms over his head with one hand and pulled the sweater, followed by the t-shirt, up with the other. Cloud had kept his head down and started crying outright at the sight of his breasts.

"You're okay, Cloud. You're okay. Just look away." Sephiroth tossed the tops on the floor and hugged him again. "Come on, look up at the ceiling." He had to keep going now; Cloud needed to shower. That really wasn't optional, and putting it off would just delay the inevitable. Sephiroth shoved Cloud's pants down and picked him up, trying to be as comforting as possible while still being efficient. He set him down in the water stream and Cloud clung to the railing, shaking and crying, trying to hide himself from sight. Sephiroth pulled his shirt off, but figured it probably wouldn't be appropriate to take his pants off as well, despite the fact that they were going to get soaked.

"Okay, step back, get your head wet. Let's get this done, Cloud," Sephiroth said firmly, taking on the tone of the world's kindliest drill sergeant trying to get someone to run one more lap. Cloud stumbled slightly as Sephiroth gave him a nudge further into the water and Sephiroth reached out to steady him. "Shut your eyes and tilt your head back. There you go, good. Hold out your hand." He grabbed the shampoo bottle and doled some out. "Wash your hair," he ordered. Surely Cloud would be able to handle that.

Sephiroth waited patiently as Cloud worked the shampoo through his hair with trembling hands; there was the occasional loud sob and it seemed a bit like Cloud was having trouble getting enough air. "You're all right, Cloud," he said gently. "Your hair's the same as it always was. Just calm down and take some slow breaths."

Cloud finally spoke. "I can't do this, I can't. I feel sick. I can't do it." He dropped his hands from his head and collapsed bonelessly on the floor of the shower, sobbing. A small trail of red flowed out from underneath Cloud's knees where they had hit the tiles with all his weight.

"Okay, Cloud, it's okay." Sephiroth stepped fully into the shower and took over. "You don't have to, I understand. Just try to tune it out, and I'll get you cleaned up and out of here before you know it. Close your eyes." Sephiroth crouched down and gently tilted Cloud's head back into the spray, doing his best to keep the shampoo out of Cloud's eyes as he rinsed it. It was hard to hear the sobs over the sound of the shower as Sephiroth methodically washed Cloud, but his heaving chest and occasional gasps for air were more than telling. He was completely unresponsive to any of Sephiroth's commands, and he worried that he might have just broken the poor kid by making him do this.

"You'll be all right, Cloud. Really, it's going to be okay," Sephiroth said, trying to convince himself as well. He was a monster. This was beyond cruel and Cloud was going to hate him for it. Sephiroth gathered up his courage and reached between Cloud's legs with the washcloth.

Cloud screamed and threw himself back into the shower wall, cracking his head and kicking frantically. He curled into a shuddering, sobbing ball, making himself as small as possible. "Don't—don't—" he gasped out.

"I'm sorry, Cloud. Sorry, I should have warned you." Sephiroth reached out and touched Cloud's shoulder. He was, once again, unresponsive. Sitting back on his toes, Sephiroth pondered how to proceed. They couldn't just ignore washing down there; Sephiroth was pretty sure that that wouldn't be healthy. He also wanted to get Cloud out of the shower as soon as possible. The longer he spent trying to convince Cloud to do it, the longer Cloud would be upset. At the same time, he knew that he didn't like being held down and forced to submit to things, so Cloud probably wouldn't either, even if it would just get it over with. Then again, was it really that much worse than what he had been doing already?

"Strife, stand up," Sephiroth ordered sharply, making his decision. He bodily hauled Cloud to his feet and kept one arm wrapped around him to keep him from falling again. He forced the washcloth into Cloud's other hand and held onto it, preventing him from dropping it. "We're getting this done, Strife, whether you like it or not. Wash yourself."

Cloud moaned and shook his head, clinging tightly to Sephiroth's arm with his free hand. "Can't—I can't."

"You can. And the sooner you do it, the sooner you can get out of here." Sephiroth kept his voice firm and pushed Cloud's hand towards his groin. Cloud whimpered and squirmed against him, but eventually gave himself a few quick rubs with the cloth.

"There, let me out." Cloud dropped the washcloth and reached for the shower door.

"Just let me rinse you...okay." Shutting off the taps, Sephiroth flung open the door and half-carried Cloud out, convinced that if he let go of him now, Cloud would just bolt. The towels were within easy reach and Sephiroth grabbed one and wrapped it around Cloud's shoulders. His pants were getting water everywhere and sagging dangerously, but he tried to keep them away from Cloud as he briskly dried him off. Unfortunately, that afforded Cloud the opportunity to escape, and he darted through the door. Sephiroth heard the bedroom door slam, and all he could think was at least he hadn't tried to run outside.

Sephiroth cursed quietly as he pulled his pants off and got dried and into some fresh clothes. That had been a complete fucking disaster. What the hell was he supposed to have done differently? And what was he supposed to do now? He walked quietly out into the hallway; Cloud was still crying hysterically, and his door was shut. Was he supposed to go in and try to comfort him? Let him have some privacy? What had Zack said to him the first night to get him to stop throwing up? At least he wasn't throwing up now...Sephiroth sighed and banged his head against the wall. He wasn't cut out for this.

Thinking that some privacy would be the best thing, Sephiroth sat down, leaning against the wall opposite from the door and waited. Minutes ticked by and Cloud was still crying just as hard. There were occasional screams and banging sounds as well, like Cloud was hitting the walls. A few fleshy-sounding thuds were more worrisome; was Cloud hurting himself? Sephiroth sat there, completely at a loss as to what to do. Over half an hour passed before the crying finally died down. Cloud must have worn himself out.

Or done something drastic. Sephiroth froze in a sudden panic. There wasn't a lot left in the room, but he didn't know what else had been in Cloud's trunk. He couldn't smell blood, but what if Cloud had hung himself, or if he had pills, or something else?

"Shit!" Sephiroth flung himself off the floor and opened the door, taking in the scene. Cloud's things were everywhere and Cloud himself was sprawled on the bed with his eyes closed. He rushed over and checked to see if he was breathing. Sephiroth's legs nearly gave out from the relief of discovering a steady pulse. There was no evidence of anything Cloud might have used to try to kill himself either. There were bruises beginning to form, however. Cloud hadn't put on any clothes and Sephiroth could see the shadows of bruises all over his body.

"I'm sorry, Cloud," Sephiroth whispered quietly, not wanting to wake him up. Cloud must have gone until he just collapsed. He reached out and gently stroked Cloud's hair, wondering what to do next. He probably wouldn't want to wake up naked, but putting clothes on him would most certainly wake him up. He settled for very carefully moving Cloud so that he was in a more comfortable position on the bed and covering him up with the comforter. He went and grabbed a chair from the dining room and sat down to wait for him to wake up.

A few hours passed before Cloud finally stirred and started to sit up. Sephiroth jerked out of his dozing state and pushed him back down, making sure the comforter was still covering him.

"Stay calm, Cloud. You're all right," Sephiroth said as soothingly as he could manage.

Cloud's eyes were wide and frightened as he choked out, "Clothes."

"Sure, just stay there, I'll get you something to wear." Sephiroth stood and looked around the room; everything was a mess..."I'll be right back." He returned to his own room and grabbed the smallest pair of sleep pants he could find and a long-sleeved shirt. He paused a moment at the door before going back to grab a Restore materia out of his safe and some antiseptic out of the bathroom. There were what looked like a clean pair of boxers falling out of Cloud's trunk, so he grabbed them too, then sat down next to Cloud on the bed.

"Come on, let's get you dressed," he said gently, coaxing Cloud into a sitting position while holding the sheet up over his chest. Cloud sat stiffly as Sephiroth attempted to get him into the clothes, completely uncooperative. He finally got him dressed and, for lack of any better ideas, turned his attention to Cloud's injuries. Cloud sat quietly while Sephiroth rolled up his pant legs and dabbed the antiseptic on his knees, then did the same with his knuckles, which were also bruised and scraped. When he reached for his materia, however, Cloud pushed his hand away.

"Don't," he whispered hoarsely, looking tiny in Sephiroth's oversized shirt with the sleeves falling over his hands.

"Cloud, you're hurt. Some of those bruises are nasty; let me heal you up. You'll be a lot more comfortable."

"Don't want to be more comfortable." Cloud pushed away from him and lay down, facing away from Sephiroth.

"Cloud..." Zack was going to kill him when he got back. He had let Cloud hurt himself while he was supposed to be taking care of him. If he just went ahead and healed him, what would be the worst that could happen? Surely it would be better than Cloud walking around covered in bruises. Sephiroth reached out and touched Cloud's back, activating his Cure.

It was impossible to not notice a spell being cast on you, and Cloud flung himself from the bed as soon as he felt it. Not that it did any good. Sephiroth watched sadly as Cloud scrambled away to the corner, looking terrified as the magic worked on him. Nothing he did was helping.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Cloud screamed, trying to brush the green light off of him like he would a bug.

"You can't stop it, Cloud." Sephiroth pushed himself up off the bed and went to crouch by Cloud. "There, it's done, you're all healed up. I just didn't want you to be in pain."

Despite the fact that the light was long gone, Cloud kept trying to brush himself off and was beginning to gasp for air again.

"Hey, hey, calm down." Sephiroth grabbed Cloud's wrists and held them gently, but firmly. "What's wrong? It was just a healing spell."

"That—that light..."

"What about it?" An idea dawned on him suddenly. "Has someone used materia on you before? Have you seen a light like that before?" It would definitely be unusual for a cadet to be exposed to materia.

Cloud nodded, whimpering. "When—when—"

"When you were in the lab?"

Cloud nodded again and Sephiroth pulled him into his arms. "So that's definitely how Hojo did it," he muttered to himself. At least there was the possibility of reversing that; however, he doubted a simple Esuna would work. It also explained why Cloud freaked out at having a spell cast on him. "I'm sorry, Cloud. It _was_ just a Cure. You shouldn't have to be in pain on top of everything else. I couldn't just leave you like that."

Cloud didn't say anything, just cried softly against his chest for a while. Sephiroth supposed he could hardly expect anything like a 'thank you' for it, but still...He rubbed Cloud's back and let him cry it out for what felt like the millionth time. If Cloud was sick of crying, he was _definitely_ sick of being cried on. But he couldn't think of anything he could do to make it better, either. And he couldn't just tell Cloud to suck it up; he had made things bad enough already. So he let Cloud sob until he passed out again, curled up in Sephiroth's arms.

When Sephiroth decided that Cloud was soundly asleep, he carefully moved him back to the bed and stretched out his aching muscles. Both of his legs had fallen asleep and he hobbled around, trying to get the feeling back in them. There was a soft sound and Sephiroth glanced down at Cloud's sleeping form, watching him give a little sigh and hug the blanket close. Any thoughts he might have had about sending Cloud home with Zack instead fled his mind at the sight. He could take care of this kid; he'd figure it out.

The first step would be to stop trying to make Cloud do things that were clearly too much for him. The shower had just gotten worse and worse from the moment he had tried to make Cloud do things on his own. He had done all right when Sephiroth washed him—up until they had gotten to his privates, at least. That had probably just been because Cloud was startled; if Sephiroth warned him first, there wouldn't be a problem. And maybe Cloud _could_ dress himself, but it was obviously upsetting for him; Sephiroth could get it done a lot faster and with a lot less hassle. 

He'd have to make sure to keep anything Cloud could use to hurt himself away from him. At least until things were a little less unpredictable. Sephiroth sorted through the remaining items in Cloud's trunk, removing a small pocketknife and a bottle of mild painkillers. He'd give them back once he was sure that Cloud wasn't a danger to himself. He then began picking up the scattered clothes and putting them away, either in the closet or the dresser. Cloud was going to be here for a while; he didn't need to live out of a trunk. There was what looked like a family photo in the bottom of the trunk. Cloud couldn't have been older than five or six and he was swinging from his parents' arms, grinning widely. Sephiroth smiled and set it on the bedside table.

They'd have to get him some more clothes; everything he had was too big on him now, and it wasn't like he'd be wearing a uniform every day anymore. "Maybe tomorrow," he sighed. Maybe it would be a better day and he'd be able to leave to go shopping. "And maybe chocobos will learn to fly." No. He couldn't think that way. This _would_ get better. It had to.

The rest of the day passed easily enough, and Cloud didn't mention anything about the shower to Zack when he came by for dinner, so Sephiroth followed his lead. If Cloud didn't want to talk about it, he didn't either. At least going to bed was simple, as Cloud was already wearing pyjamas.

"And that's another day done," Sephiroth said to himself as he shut the door after tucking Cloud in. "How much longer?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot I was supposed to post this today and got distracted buying things for my croquet costume and then realized I hadn't replied to anyone's reviews and panicked and I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm sorry. But I have the best croquet costume ever and an update, so I think that should make me even.
> 
> Slightly happier chapter this time, hooray!

"Cloud, there are some errands I'd like to run today," Sephiroth said as they cleared away the breakfast dishes. "Do you think you'll be all right by yourself for a few hours?"

"Of course I will," Cloud said immediately. "I don't need a babysitter."

"Are you sure?" Sephiroth pressed. "I don't want to leave you alone and then have something go wrong. Will you be able to handle going to the bathroom alone if you need to?"

"I'll be _fine_ , sir. I promise. I'm feeling a lot better today."

Sephiroth considered him. He _was_ behaving a lot more, well, more like a person who hadn't been recently traumatized. At least he wasn't going around cringing every time he moved and looking like he was going to burst into tears at any moment. That was something. "All right, there's no landline here, but there's a phone in the lobby. If there's an emergency, I want you to call Zack or me. I'll leave one of my IDs with you, which should keep anyone from giving you any trouble. The door will lock behind you when you leave, and I need to take my keycard with me, but I have Zack's spare, so you can go there after. One of the things I'm going to get today is a keycard for you."

"Okay, I won't need to call, though."

"Just in case," Sephiroth said firmly, pushing the keycard and the paper with their numbers on it over to him. "I'll also pick up some groceries. Is there anything you want or need?"

Cloud started to shake his head, but stopped. "Some...some salt and vinegar chips would be nice," he said quietly, "And I'm almost out of mouthwash."

"All right, I'll pick those up for you. Anything else? I thought I'd get some things for a barbeque tonight."

"I'm good. Barbeque would be good, though."

"Sure thing. Okay, do you need anything before I go?" Sephiroth was suddenly feeling a bit nervous, not wanting to leave Cloud on his own. He didn't know if it would be okay, or what he would do if it wasn't. There was only so much planning he could do for this, and he didn't like it.

"I'm okay, thanks."

"All right, take it easy then," Sephiroth said, doing his best to appear like he wasn't nervous about leaving. "I'll probably be a few hours."

***

Sephiroth checked his directions and looked up at the name of the store. This was the place. The bell above the door chimed as Sephiroth cautiously entered. It looked fairly normal on the inside; there was one section that had men's clothing, another with women's. It seemed like any other shop, actually. He looked around, feeling nervous and wondering if he was really in the right place, when a middle-aged man approached him.

"Can I help you find something?" the man asked.

"Um, well..." Sephiroth hesitated. How was he supposed to explain this? "I'm looking for something for my friend..."

"Okay, anything in particular?"

Sephiroth gave his head a shake; this wasn't the time to be beating around the bush. "Yes, I heard that you sell items for binding breasts so that they're less noticeable. Is that true?"

To say that the shopkeeper looked a bit surprised was an understatement. Sephiroth supposed it was to be expected, he was easily recognizable and probably not the person anyone expected to be asking about breast binding. But the man recovered quickly and smiled. "Yes, of course. They're over this way."

He led Sephiroth over to an area with several shelves and racks. There was a wide assortment of clothing and various other products on them and Sephiroth blinked a little in surprise. That was a lot of options. How the hell was he supposed to choose?

Apparently noticing Sephiroth's confused look, the shopkeeper spoke again. "The best place to start would be to determine your budget. How much is your friend willing to spend? Then I can show you things within that price range."

"Price isn't an issue," Sephiroth said, "I want him to have something that's comfortable and hides them as much as possible."

"All right, well, we have a line of binders that were specifically designed for female to male binding. What's his chest size?" he asked, looking critically at a shelf full of vests and shirts.

"Chest size?" Sephiroth asked. Right, he probably should have measured that beforehand.

"A proper fit is important; too small and it can cause breathing and chafing problems, too big and it won't be very effective. Can you get your friend's measurements? He'd just need to measure around his ribcage just below the breasts and around his chest, across the largest part of the breasts."

Sephiroth hesitated. "He doesn't handle stuff like that very well; I've been helping him, but he's alone right now, and he doesn't have a phone. I could come back tomorrow, but I'd like to get something for him as soon as I can."

"Well, can you give me an approximate size? We have several models that use velcro for adjusting the fit. If you want to get him something today, you could take a look at those."

"Um, he's probably a B or a C cup." Sephiroth felt like an idiot. He should have thought of this beforehand.

"Can you guess his height and weight?" the man asked as he started going through racks and setting things aside.

Sephiroth glared at the ceiling, feeling frustrated with himself. He knew Cloud was definitely smaller than what his records indicated. How much had it felt like he weighed when he had picked him up? "Maybe...a hundred and ten, hundred and fifteen pounds. He's pretty light. And...five-two or three? Thereabouts. Sorry, I really should have thought this through better."

"Not a problem, it's a lot to think about, I understand that. I don't accept returns, but I do take exchanges. If it doesn't fit, you can just bring it back and we'll find something that does. May I ask why it's so urgent? It sounds like your friend is having some problems, but surely another day won't be that hard to deal with."

"He's waited too long already; I don't want to make him deal with it any longer." Cloud was miserable just walking around the apartment; Sephiroth would buy one of each size if it would help make Cloud's life a little more bearable. He still felt like he needed to do more to make up for yelling at him the other day and the incident in the shower.

"Okay then, here are some options." The man picked up an armful of tops and brought them over to the counter where he laid them out. "I'm recommending the medium size; he might be a small, but I'd rather err on the side of too big. Now, I personally prefer the long style. It looks and feels more like a regular undershirt."

Sephiroth nodded, some of the other ones looked like sports bras with extra padding and velcro. "He'd probably appreciate that."

"This one does an excellent job of binding, but it's not the most comfortable. I wouldn't recommend it for wearing all the time. It also puts a fair bit of pressure on the stomach area, which can cause discomfort with eating. Unfortunately, out of the long style ones, this is the only one with velcro, which I highly recommend since we don't have proper measurements. The mid-length styles all have velcro, and they're significantly more comfortable. They go down to around the belly button, so they don't look too bra-like. More of a too short T-shirt."

Sephiroth stared helplessly. How the fuck did squashing breasts get so complicated? "Umm...What would you suggest? He's probably going to want to wear it as often as he can, so I don't want him feeling sick, but I'm sure he'd prefer the look of the long one."

"What I suggest, is that if you really want to get him something now, go for the mid-length. Then bring him in with you tomorrow so we can do a fitting, and I can show him how to wear it properly."

"I don't know if he'll be willing to come in, but I'll try to convince him."

"He doesn't go out?"

Sephiroth paused, trying to figure out what he could say that would sound the least suspicious. "He's uncomfortable with leaving the apartment...and...there are some safety concerns. I can deal with that, though; I'll get him to come."

"All right, I'll give you my card. If you give me a call to let me know when you'll be in, I can close up the shop while we do the fitting. Your friend will probably be a lot happier if there aren't people going in and out."

Sephiroth fiddled with the card in his hands. This man, Andy Gallagher, according to the card, was willing to close his business for however long it took to fit Cloud just to make him feel more comfortable? Did people actually care enough to do stuff like that? "Thank you. I'll talk to him about it this afternoon and call in the morning to let you know one way or the other."

After deciding on a top that would do for now, and getting a lengthy lesson on how to put it on, Sephiroth handed over a rather large chunk of gil and promised to be back the next day. It already felt like he had been shopping forever and he still had groceries to buy.

***

"Hey, Cloud, I'm back." Sephiroth grabbed the bags he had had to set down in the hallway and tossed them inside, shutting the door behind him. 

Cloud poked his head out of the hallway. "Welcome back. Did you get what you needed?"

"A fair bit of it. Were you all right on your own?" He studied Cloud closely, looking to see if it looked like he had been crying or not. It didn't seem so...

"I was okay. Just watched a movie and had some lunch." Cloud started carrying grocery bags into the kitchen, then looked around awkwardly, obviously wondering where to put things.

"Glad you were all right." Sephiroth set his other purchases down on the kitchen table. "Here, come take a look at what I got you while I put the groceries away." He set the bag with the binder in it aside; that would probably go over better if he explained it first. 

Cloud walked over to the table, looking painfully afraid of what he might find there, though Sephiroth couldn't imagine what he might be afraid of. "Your keycard is in there somewhere. I also picked up some movies and books the people at the stores recommended. And I got you a PHS; I didn't like leaving you without a way to contact me."

"I—I can't affo—"

"The phone's attached to my account. I'll take care of the cost, so don't worry about it. You need to have a way of getting in touch when I go back to work," Sephiroth said it firmly, hoping Cloud wouldn't argue. It wasn't safe leaving him without a way of calling for help.

Cloud looked a bit hesitant, but stammered a 'thank you' and began rummaging through the other bags, looking at what Sephiroth had picked out. He seemed happy with his selections, even making a happy sounding noise at one of the books. "I've been wanting to read this one since it came out," he explained. 

"That's good. I'm glad I found something you'll like," Sephiroth said, sitting down at the table and taking out Cloud's new phone. "I've programmed my info, as well as Zack's, into it, and this explains the plan I put you on." Sephiroth pushed a pamphlet across the table. "It's got some long-distance minutes on it, so if you want to call your family, go ahead."

Cloud looked happy for a moment, then his face fell. "I can't. Not sounding like this. I sent my mom an email, that's good enough. I can never afford to call, anyway; she'd suspect something."

"I see." Sephiroth reached out and patted Cloud's hand. "Well, it's there if you change your mind. I'm sure it won't be impossible to think of something to tell her as an explanation if you do." He hesitated a moment before bringing out the last bag. "I got you something else," he said cautiously. "I was thinking that you're uncomfortable with...your chest being noticeable." At those words, Cloud automatically brought his arms up to cover himself. "So I found a specialty shop that sells these." He pulled the binder out of the bag and held it up for Cloud to see.

Cloud looked suspiciously at the binder. "What...what is it?"

"It's a breast-binder," Sephiroth said simply. "Transgender men and women dressing as men use them to hide their breasts." Sephiroth explained the binder, how it worked, and why he chose that one, while Cloud looked nervous, but a bit hopeful as well. "Do you want to try it? You don't have to, mind. Just if you want. You're perfectly fine the way you are now."

"I want to try it," Cloud said quickly, reaching out for the garment. "How do I...?"

"I'll help you with it. It'll probably be a lot easier that way. Come on, we can try it on in the bathroom so you can see."

"Okay." Cloud followed him eagerly to the bathroom, and didn't hesitate to take off his shirts. He did face away from the mirror though, and he stared at the ceiling while Sephiroth pulled the binder over his head.

"Put your right arm through," Sephiroth instructed. "Good. I'm going to have to touch you a bit, so don't be startled." Cloud held still as Sephiroth pulled the left side around and attached the velcro, adjusting the position of Cloud's breasts slightly to get them to look flatter. He tightened it up and made some more adjustments to the binder's position like Andy had shown him on the dummy, then checked to make sure it wasn't too tight anywhere. "There you go. What do you think?"

Cloud turned around slowly, a smile creeping over his face as he saw the result. It wasn't perfect; Sephiroth had a feeling the medium might be a bit big, but it did make a huge difference and, with a shirt on top, it would look pretty good.

"Thank you," Cloud choked out, his voice cracking a little. "Thank you so much." He kept turning around, looking at himself from every angle, and he even hesitantly touched his breasts, feeling how flat they were.

"Is it comfortable? Not too tight anywhere?"

"It's perfect." Tears were falling from Cloud's eyes now, but he just brushed them away and kept staring at his reflection. Sephiroth was feeling a bit shocked at Cloud's reaction; he hadn't expected him to be _this_ happy over it.

"If you want to come out with me tomorrow, we can go to the store and get you fitted properly and pick up some more. There were a lot of different styles, so we should be able to find what looks best."

Cloud paused mid-turn. "Ou—out? Is that—? What if someone sees me? What if they think I'm a—a girl?"

"I'll come up with a plan for getting you out of here without anyone catching you. And no one's going to think you're a girl. Look at you. Put a T-shirt on over top of that and no one will know. You act like a man, and you dress like a man; people will think you're a man." Sephiroth held out Cloud's shirt and let him put it on. "See? With that hair, no one would ever suspect a thing. Besides, if I don't bring you in tomorrow, I suspect that the guy at the shop will accuse me of locking you away against your will and probably call the police. I'm sure he knows who I am, after all."

"Do you really think that no one will think I'm a girl?"

"I do. And if anything happens, I'll deal with it. Okay? I promise, it'll be all right."

Cloud looked at his reflection in the mirror again, smiling. "Okay. I can do it."

***

Cloud followed about a half step behind Zack as they exited the elevator. His shoulders were hunched over, his hands were in his pockets, and his eyes were trained on the ground. Sephiroth adjusted his hat and exited the lobby. As he did so, he heard Zack stumble, and Cloud muttered an apology. Sephiroth led the way until they were nearly at the train station, then he paused and waited for the other two to catch up.

"Any problems?" he asked.

"Nope," Zack said, pushing Cloud out in front of him. "Nobody questioned me having a buddy over to stay. So, you'll give me a call when you get back?"

"Yes, I'm not sure how long it'll take. I'd like to get some clothes for him as well."

"No problem. You two should get some lunch while you're at it. It's probably nice to get out of the house, hey, Cloud?"

Cloud shuffled and hunched over even more. "I just wanna get the stuff and go back." His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"It's going to be all right." Sephiroth reached out and touched Cloud's shoulder. "We'll get it done as fast as we can and go home."

"All right, I'll see you in a little while then. Good luck!" Zack jogged off, back towards HQ.

The shop had a closed sign hanging in the door when they got there, but Sephiroth grabbed Cloud's wrist as he was turning away and knocked. "I told you he'd shut the shop for us, just wait."

Cloud nodded and clutched tightly to Sephiroth's hand. He had barely said more than two words since they had left; Sephiroth figured he was probably afraid that his voice would give him away. He sighed and pulled Cloud towards him, giving him a quick hug until he heard footsteps coming.

The door unlocked, and Andy opened it wide, beckoning them inside. "Glad you could make it. Come on in. So, Cloud, is it?"

"Yes," Cloud whispered.

"I can tell right off the bat that the medium's too big on you. It doesn't look bad," he said when Cloud reached up to cover his chest, "It's just not a perfect fit. We can do better than that."

Sephiroth browsed through the clothes at the front of the store while Andy led Cloud to the back and began pulling things off of the shelves again. He went into the same explanation that he had given Sephiroth yesterday, then they disappeared into a fitting room. The men's clothing selection seemed to be cut slightly differently than the way he was used to—nothing there would fit him, but it did seem likely that they would fit Cloud. The shoes were mostly smaller sizes than regular men's shoes. Some of them had lifts built into the bottoms, and there was a selection of thick insoles, as well.

"Sephiroth?" Andy was back, looking slightly worried.

"Is Cloud okay?"

"He's doing all right. I understand what you meant about him not handling things very well though. I'm used to helping people who are uncomfortable in their own bodies, and I've been there myself, but he acts like this is something new."

Sephiroth looked away, not wanting to say anything about the circumstances surrounding Cloud's situation.

"Anyway, he's worried about the cost of many of the things I've had him try on. He says he can't afford them. Should I be looking for things in his price range?"

"No, I'm paying. I thought he knew that. I'll talk to him."

"Sure, just through here."

He followed Andy to the back where the change rooms were, and knocked on the door of the one closed cubical. "Cloud, don't worry about the cost. I know you can't afford it, and I don't expect you to pay. I do expect you to get what you need to feel more comfortable and enough so you can wear them as often as you want. I think they're hand wash only, so get enough that you can still have something to wear while they're being washed."

"Are you sure? Some of these are really—"

"I can afford it, Cloud. I saw the prices yesterday. After you've picked out the binders you want, come take a look at the clothes, as well. I think you'll have an easier time finding stuff that fits you here."

There was a short pause, then, "Okay. Thank you."

He turned back to Andy and nodded. "Make sure he picks out enough to last him a week at least."

***

"Are you sure you don't want to stop somewhere for lunch?" Sephiroth asked as they sat down on the train. The car was nearly deserted except for a couple of kids who were obviously playing hooky.

"I..." Cloud stared at his lap while he hesitated.

"It's just that I don't think I'm going to have many opportunities to safely take you out. You might not be yet, but you _are_ going to get sick of being stuck in the apartment all the time. Besides, you look great in your new clothes. Don't you want to show them off?"

Cloud blushed and smiled, then nodded. "All right. As long as it's no trouble for you."

"What would be troublesome is thinking of something to make for lunch. I know a good place far enough from headquarters so no one who might recognize you will be there." Sephiroth paused for a moment. "I don't think anyone would notice, but if you're worried about your voice, I can order for you. And, if I recall correctly, they've just got a single-stall, unisex washroom."

"O—okay. That'd be good. I didn't think of that, but...I guess—Do you think, like, if it wasn't unisex, would I be able to use the men's washroom?"

"I think so. We can't exactly go around quizzing everyone on whether they think you're male or female, but I haven't noticed anyone looking at you strangely, and I've been watching. I think you'd be far more likely to be pointed out if you used the women's."

"But, what about, you know..."

"The urinals? Skip them entirely and use a stall. It's not weird; there're a couple guys in SOLDIER who never use the urinals. No one will care."

Cloud snorted disbelievingly. "No one cares 'cause they're SOLDIERs. I'll bet if they were my size, people would care."

"Well, I don't have a lot of experience outside SOLDIER, but I don't think it's terribly uncommon for guys to use a stall to piss. Come on, it's not like it's going to come up often, but if it does, I'll have your back." Sephiroth gathered up the bags and held out his hand. "It's closer if we get off at the next stop."

Cloud sighed heavily as he got up. "Great, I'll just never go anywhere without you."

Sephiroth frowned at that. Cloud _couldn't_ go anywhere without him; it wasn't safe to be out on his own. He supposed that Zack would make a decent substitute, but Zack wouldn't let him get beaten up in a public washroom either. "It's not going to be forever, and if it becomes a problem, there are options out there, like there were options with the binders. You're not the only person who's ever been stuck in the wrong body. You just have the misfortune of having had it sprung on you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is weirdly short for some reason. Sorry. It has unpleasant details of the experiment Cloud was involved in.

Sephiroth locked the door to his office, then pulled a small machine out of a drawer and set it on his desk. He flicked it on and gritted his teeth at the annoying noise it began making. Calling Cloud had swiftly become the worst part of his day because of the white noise maker, but he couldn't risk calling him from the office without using it. He pressed his finger in one ear and dialled Cloud's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Sephiroth said, "How're you doing?"

"I'm okay. Just reading."

"That's good. I'm going to stop at the grocery store when I'm done here; is there anything you want?"

"Can you get some apple juice?"

Sephiroth added apple juice to the bottom of his list. "Sure, anything else?"

"I was thinking I'd make curry for dinner tonight, but we're almost out of rice."

"All right, I'll grab another bag. Are you going to be okay if I get home a little bit late?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. What time?"

"Probably around seven. I'll let you know if I'm going to be later than that. And call me if something happens. Or Zack, if I don't answer."

"I will. I'll be okay though."

"All right, I'll see you later then." Sephiroth hung up and added rice to the list. He flicked off the machine and stuck it back in his drawer before getting up and heading over to Zack's office.

"Okay, here's the grocery list," he said as he closed the door behind him. "I'll stop by your place to pick them up. Keep the receipt, and I'll reimburse you, so don't just get the store brands."

"'Kay." Zack held out his hand. "Does reimbursement include anything I happen to need as well?"

"Don't go crazy, but yes, I'll buy your groceries too."

"Cool. I still don't get why we're going to such lengths to hide the fact that you've got a lab appointment. He's not going to explode into tears if he hears the word."

"You might be surprised at what can cause him to explode into tears," Sephiroth said dryly. It was true that the crying had lessened in the past few weeks, but it hadn't stopped. At least once every few nights, Sephiroth found himself having to go to Cloud's room to comfort him and help him get back to sleep. And showering had only gotten slightly easier; although Cloud would wash himself as long as Sephiroth stayed with him, it always ended in tears. "But that's not why. I'm going to see if I can find out anything about the experiment he was a part of, but I don't want to get his hopes up in case I can't find anything."

"You don't think a bit of hope and knowing that you're at least looking would help?"

"I—I don't know. I'll tell him if I find anything, but..."

"All right, your call. You're the one spending the most time with him."

***

       17/08/1994 Proj. S-2. – Suspended due to lack of cooperation. Spec. S unwilling.

       21/10/1998 Proj. S-2 – Unique materia found (GS-M); appears to swap genitalia of the target. Potential solution for resumption of proj. Spec. S cannot object about potential harm if surrogate is SOLDIER. Further experimentation needed.

       05/12/1998 Proj. S-2 – GS-M able to successfully swap external genitalia only. Further use should increase power; unknown if power is related to completeness of swap.

       12/01/2000 Proj. S-2 – GS-M fully mastered. Beginning search for potential human candidates. Initial experiments will use unaltered humans.

       01/05/2000 Proj. S-2 – Spec. N acquired. Physical reactions mainly as expected. Slight decrease in physical size associated w/ swap. Internal reproductive organs appear fully functional. Beginning phase 2 w/ random donors.

       22/09/2000 Proj. S-2 – Confirmed pregnancy in Spec. N. Ultrasound shows normal fetal development.

       29/09/2000 Proj. S-2 – Spec. N confirmed dead. Cause: suicide. Body will be autopsied for further research. Beginning search for new candidate.

       18/08/2001 Proj. S-2 – Spec. C acquired. Physical reactions concur w/ those of Spec. N. Will resume phase 2 on 19/08/2001.

       19/08/2001 Proj. S-2 – Security breach evening of 18/08/2001. Spec. C missing. Search initiated.

       06/09/2001 Proj. S-2 – Suspended due to difficulty in acquiring new candidates. Spec. C still missing.

Sephiroth very calmly slipped the file in between the papers that had been given to him after completing the tests earlier and went to the photocopier. There was no one around, so he didn't bother with any pretense about copying something else. When he had copied the file, he went, with the same amount of calmness, back to the records room and returned the original to the exact spot where he had found it.

He maintained his calm all the way down from the lab, across the compound, and up to Zack's apartment, where he politely rang the doorbell and waited for it to be answered.

"Hey, Seph. How'd it go? Did you find anything?"

"Yes," Sephiroth said, still with his forced calm. "I discovered why." He held out the file for Zack to read. "For reference, I'm Specimen S, a part of Project S. In '94, I refused to have intercourse with a woman for the purpose of impregnating her. I told Hojo that I would only have sex with SOLDIERs because it was too easy to injure or kill an unenhanced partner. I didn't want to get someone pregnant for Hojo's gain, and I figured that because SOLDIERs are all men..." Sephiroth trailed off; his composure was beginning to crack, but he needed to stay calm.

"So he decided to turn a SOLDIER into a woman so you couldn't object to fucking her." Zack's face had gone stark white and his hands shook as he continued to read. "Gotta test it out on the non-valuable people first. Who was Specimen N?"

"No clue. I can try and match it up with one of the ones I know went missing around that time. He tends to use the first initial of his victim's names."

"Gaia," Zack choked, "Random donors? Random fucking donors? That poor kid...over four months of...and then pregnant."

"We don't know if he was being—it could have just been artificial insemination."

"'Cause that makes it all better. Why didn't Hojo ever try that with you? Artificial insemination with your..."

"He said something about the J-cells not remaining viable for long enough when he first started talking about breeding." 

"Huh, that's weird." Zack turned back to the paper. "I wonder if that was the first opportunity to kill himself, or if he held out for that long and pregnancy was the last straw?"

"I don't know," Sephiroth said quietly. "It doesn't matter now; he's dead."

Zack's head jerked up and his eyes blazed fiercely with mako for a moment. "How can you—?"

"Because I've got the second attempt waiting for me upstairs! I can't start worrying about the dead now. I've got to find that materia and change Cloud back, then kill Hojo to keep him from trying again."

"I know, I know, it's just—"

"We can't do anything for him now. Where are the groceries?"

"Kitchen. Cold stuff's in the fridge. What are you going to tell Cloud?"

"Nothing. You think I'd tell him _that?_ Keep the file here for me; I don't want him accidentally finding it. You have a safe, right?"

"Yeah, I can do that." Zack lowered himself into a chair and continued to stare at the paper. "They were going to start...the next day. I know you don't—but—thank you. For getting him out of there. I know you have to ignore a lot of..."

"I wouldn't ignore that. And if I had found N, I would have gotten him out." Sephiroth laid a hand on Zack's shoulder; unsure of what else he could do. He hadn't expected the news to be quite this upsetting. He was angry, yes, but Zack looked like he was near tears.

"I know. You're a decent person. You should get back to Cloud; he's probably starving if he's been waiting for you to eat."

"I do need to get back, but will you be okay? You can come up, if you want."

"No." Zack shook his head and smiled half-heartedly. "Cloud would want to know what's wrong. I'm fine. This just really shook me up."

"All right, I guess. Call if you need anything."

"Thanks. Hey, you've gotten pretty good at dealing with upset people."

Sephiroth shrugged. "Practice makes perfect." He gathered up the groceries Zack had bought for him and left with a final, worried glance back at his friend.

***

"Hey, Cloud, I'm home." Sephiroth put the groceries on the floor while he unhooked Masamune from his harness and set it in its stand by the door. "Cloud?" Fear flooded Sephiroth's chest when no one responded. The TV was off, and there was no noise from the kitchen; no signs of Cloud starting dinner like he usually did. "Cloud?" Sephiroth shouted this time and to his relief, he heard Cloud's voice from the study.

"Yeah?"

Sephiroth ran through the living room and pushed the door to the study open all the way, banging it against the wall. Cloud was uncurling himself from the chair and looking like he just woke up. "Shit, sorry, Cloud. You just scared me for a minute there when you didn't answer." Sephiroth hesitated in the doorway; he wanted go over there and hold Cloud, to reassure himself that Hojo hadn't done any more harm to him, but he never did things like that. Cloud would know that something was wrong.

Cloud rubbed his eyes, yawning. "Sorry, I was just going to close my eyes for a minute...Is it so late already? Shit, I haven't started dinner."

"Hey, don't worry about it." That was strange; Cloud never napped. Sephiroth went over and crouched down by the chair. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Meh, I'm just tired for some reason and kinda achy." Cloud started to get out of the chair, but Sephiroth pushed him back. He reached out and laid his hand on Cloud's forehead.

"You feel a bit warm, maybe you've come down with something." Sephiroth stood and pulled the blanket that Cloud had been using back up around his shoulders. "Get some rest while I make dinner, okay?"

"Okay, thank you." Cloud curled back up and shut his eyes.

Something was definitely wrong with him; he hadn't protested at all. He must have been feeling pretty lousy. Sephiroth put some chicken breasts in the oven and a pot of rice on the stove, and then dug out some asparagus for a vegetable, all the while worrying about what he should do. He had no experience dealing with sick people, and his illnesses were always caused by something—namely Hojo. He had never actually caught a cold or the flu.

Cloud padded out of the study and sat down at the kitchen table after fifteen minutes or so. He looked tired and a bit pale, but not terribly sick. "Sorry, I was going to make curry, wasn't I?"

"We can have it another night. Do you want me to get you some medicine?" Sephiroth asked.

"No, I'm fine. I don't feel _sick_ , really. Just weird." Cloud got up again and grabbed some dishes. He set the table, then flopped down at it again.

"All right, but let me know if you need anything. Maybe you should loosen your binder a bit."

Cloud's eyes went wide, and he clutched his arms to his chest. "I'm fine, Sephiroth."

Sephiroth sighed, "I'm not saying take it off entirely, just loosen it a bit so you can breathe a little easier."

Cloud muttered a few curses and glared at Sephiroth, but he got up and went to the bathroom and Sephiroth could hear the velcro being undone. He came back out as Sephiroth was taking the chicken out of the oven, wearing his sweater and looking sulky. "Happy now?"

"Yes, thank you." Damn, Cloud would sometimes fight him over the binders, but he never got this cranky about it. Sephiroth chalked it up to whatever was making him feel sick and let it slide. "Here," he said, setting a plate in front of Cloud and taking his seat.

"Thanks." Cloud picked at his meal, but didn't eat a whole lot, which got Sephiroth worrying again. Cloud almost always had a decent appetite.

They watched a bit of TV after dinner, but Cloud kept dozing off and eventually announced that he was going to bed early.

"Do you need help with anything?" Sephiroth asked.

"No, I can manage."

"Do me a favour then, and don't wear the binder while you sleep." Sephiroth asked as nicely as he could.

"I'm _fine_ , Sephiroth. I don't need to take it off." Cloud glared at him again, looking annoyed.

"Please, Cloud. I'm just worried. You know you're not supposed to wear them all the time anyway. It's just one night. Please?"

Cloud sighed audibly, but nodded. "Fine."

"Thank you, Cloud. Call me if you need anything."

"I will. 'Night."

"Goodnight, get feeling better." Sephiroth shut the TV off and went to the study. He had a meeting with the department heads in the morning that he couldn't miss, but if he got a bit of work done now, he could take the afternoon off.

***

Sephiroth poked his head into Cloud's room before he headed out in the morning. Cloud was still sleeping and didn't stir when Sephiroth crept in and laid a hand on his forehead again. He still felt warm, but that really was a terrible way of telling temperature. If Cloud was still feeling sick when he got back in the afternoon, he'd send Zack out for some medicine. He left a note for Cloud on the kitchen table, explaining that he'd be back in the afternoon and to call if he needed anything, and then headed out. Although it was highly unlikely, he hoped that the meeting would be over with quickly.

Tseng was leaving his apartment at the same time, and he nodded at Sephiroth before pushing the button to call the elevator. "Morning."

"Morning," Sephiroth replied.

"Are you busy after lunch?" Tseng asked. "I want to go over the strategy for the joint mission next week."

"I am, I'm taking the afternoon off. Tomorrow?"

"You've been taking a lot of time off lately. What's going on?"

Sephiroth sighed; he had known that Tseng would mention it sooner or later. He had just hoped it would be later. "I've just had some personal things I've needed to attend to." The elevator arrived, and they both got on. Sephiroth hoped it would be busy; Tseng wouldn't dare push too hard if there were other people around.

"Personal things?"

" _Personal_ things," Sephiroth said with an air of finality.

"That can't be taken care of during personal hours?"

"Some things don't wait for personal hours." Sephiroth mentally calculated how much time he had missed over the past month. A week at the start of it all, and at least one full day a week after that. He also never stayed late or came in early anymore; Tseng had good reason to be suspicious. It couldn't be helped though; Cloud needed someone around as often as possible.

"New pet? You've been buying more food lately."

Dammit! Did he have to notice _everything_? Sephiroth struggled to come up with an answer when he was saved by the elevator coming to a stop on the eleventh floor. A group of Seconds got on, chatting noisily. They fell silent as they noticed who they were riding with until one bravely spoke up, "Good morning, sirs."

"Good morning, men," Sephiroth replied. "As you were."

The elevator was uncomfortably silent as they continued down to the ground floor, but at least Sephiroth was spared Tseng's questioning. Sephiroth made a break for it and pushed his way past the Seconds when they arrived. He strode quickly towards headquarters, leaving Tseng behind.

The meeting was slow to get going. Scarlet and Heidegger were having an argument over funding and both of their voices kept getting more and more shrill. He wondered vaguely if the Turks still took bets on who would win in a catfight between them. He wanted to put fifty on Scarlet. The President finally arrived, and Sephiroth settled himself in for the long haul with a hot cup of coffee.

Half an hour in and he was tuning out something about the supports for Sector Two needing replacement—did Shin-Ra not realize that if the plate collapsed, it would kill the people living on it as well? Tuesti was doing an admirable job of trying to convince him, but so far, he was having no luck. He was fiddling with a gouge in the table when his PHS began vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and checked the caller ID; it was Cloud. Sephiroth quickly stood and went to the door as he answered, ignoring the glares of everyone else. 

"He—" There was screaming on the other end of the line. Hysterical, panicked screaming, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear it. Sephiroth clamped his hand over the earpiece and ran for it. He took the stairs, not bothering to actually use them; he just jumped down each flight. As soon as he was out of earshot of the board, he brought the phone back to his ear.

"Cloud? Cloud, what's wrong? Calm down." The screaming continued, however. There may have been a word or two mixed in, but mostly it was just incomprehensible screaming. "Shit, Cloud, I'm coming. I'll be there as fast as I can, just hang on."

He heard a door open several floors above him and glanced up to see Tseng poking his head out over the railing. There was no time to worry about that now; he needed to get back to Cloud. Tseng could be dealt with later.

Sephiroth lost count of the floors as he made his way down; his imagination kept providing him with ideas about what could have happened and it distracted him. He had been noticed yesterday. Hojo had realized he had Cloud and used the meeting as an opportunity to send someone to retrieve him—actually, that was the only idea he could come up with; everything else was just variations. Sephiroth was just a blur as he burst through the doors on the ground floor and flew past the security guards who tried in vain to stop him.


	6. Chapter 6

The elevator was at the ground floor when he got to the apartment building and banged on the door close button, willing the machine to move faster. It felt like forever before he finally came to a stop on the top floor. He was in such a rush that he fumbled with the keycard, and it took two swipes before he could get the door open.

"Cloud!" Sephiroth yelled as he burst into the apartment. There didn't seem to be any sign of a disturbance that he could see, and he could hear Cloud somewhere down the hall. The screams had died down, and now there was just sobbing. Sephiroth hurried down the hall and found Cloud collapsed against the wall, hugging his knees. He could smell blood and saw traces of red on Cloud's hands. "What happened, Cloud? Are you hurt? Cloud, talk to me."

When Cloud didn't answer, Sephiroth began patting him down, searching for the source of the bleeding. It was then that he noticed the stain on the crotch of Cloud's sleep pants. Shit...he hadn't even thought about..."Cloud, you aren't hurt, are you? There's just blood?"

"It won't stop," Cloud whimpered, clutching onto Sephiroth's shoulders. "I just woke up, and it was everywhere and—"

"Shh, shh, it's okay, Cloud." Sephiroth stroked Cloud's hair, trying to calm him down. "You're not hurt. This is menstrual blood."

Cloud shook his head in denial. "Make it stop, please, make it stop."

"I can't, Cloud. I can't stop this; it's natural." Sephiroth racked his brains about what to do; he should have been prepared for this. Even if he hadn't found the file, he should have known that Hojo never did things by halves. Sephiroth shifted Cloud in his arms and managed to get his phone out of his pocket and dialled Zack's number.

"Sephiroth!" Zack answered. "Is everything okay? I heard you went tearing—is that...you know...in the background?"

"Zack, I need you to go to the pharmacy. Cloud's got his period and we need...I don't know, pads or tampons or something."

"Sure, Seph, I'll be as fast as I can. Is he okay?"

"Would _you_ be okay? Just hurry, all right?"

"Got it. See you in a few."

Sephiroth hung up and turned his attention back to Cloud, who was sobbing in anguish. "It's going to be okay, Cloud. We'll get you through this."

It hardly seemed like any time had passed before Sephiroth heard Zack banging on the door. He hesitated slightly before unwrapping Cloud's arms from around his torso. "I'll be right back, Cloud. Just wait here half a second." Cloud was still crying as he curled up in a ball on the floor. "I'll be right back," Sephiroth repeated.

He rushed to the front door and threw it open, but froze in place when instead of Zack, he saw Tseng standing there. "I don't have time," Sephiroth said, making to slam the door shut.

Tseng's foot got in the way, though. "Sephiroth, I respect your privacy, but there are limits. What the hell is going on?"

Sephiroth growled in frustration. He couldn't think of anything to tell Tseng to get him to back off. The only think he could think was that Cloud's sobs were growing more and more panicked sounding the longer he was left alone. "Dammit, Tseng," he snarled, "This is none of your business. Just get out!"

Tseng didn't budge. "If you don't give me a reason not to, I'll have no choice but to report you. Whatever's going on is affecting your work and the president _will_ care."

"I will kill you, Tseng," Sephiroth threatened, despite knowing it was most likely useless, especially right now. Cloud was gasping for air now; he sounded like he was hyperventilating. He didn't have time to waste out here arguing. "Fine," he conceded, "But not now. Come back in the evening. I...really can't deal with this now."

Tseng gave him a smug smile, but removed his foot from the door. "I'll be back. Your new _pet_ sounds like it's in distress."

Sephiroth snarled and slammed the door shut, then ran back to Cloud, gathering him into his arms. "It's okay, Cloud. It's okay, I've got you."

"I—I—I can—can feel it. It's..." Cloud got the words out between gasps for air.

"Shh, don't think about it. Just close your eyes and try to calm down. Can you do that for me? Just breathe slowly. Good."

Cloud was breathing a bit more normally by the time someone knocked at the door again, but Sephiroth decided to not leave him alone again. He gently gathered Cloud up into his arms and hoisted him off the floor, arranging him so he was resting his head on Sephiroth's shoulder. Cloud clung to him like an octopus as he walked over to the door. He actually checked the peephole this time and, seeing that it was Zack, opened the door.

"How're you doing, Cloud?" Zack asked as he came in carrying several bags.

Cloud didn't answer, just shook his head and clung a bit tighter to Sephiroth.

"Did you get what we need?" Sephiroth asked.

"I sure as hell hope so. Man, that shit is complicated!" Zack dumped out his bags on the living room floor. "I asked a girl at the store for help—don't worry, I didn't give anything away. I just said that my friend's daughter got her first period, and, since he's a single father, he had no clue what to do. She gave me a few explanations, but apparently it all comes down to personal preference."

"So...what do we do?" Sephiroth asked, looking at the various packages and boxes; this looked more complicated than trying to pick out the binders, only this time he didn't even have the benefit of someone who knew what he was talking about.

"Well...Cloud?" Zack looked up at Sephiroth when Cloud didn't respond. "Is he talking at all, or is he just in complete shock?"

"He's talking a little. Cloud, hey, come on, we need your help." Sephiroth turned Cloud's head a bit so he would be able to see what Zack had bought.

"So the big choice is between pads and tampons," Zack explained, holding up a package of each. "Basically, pads attach to your underwear and, um, absorb stuff as it comes out...And, tampons are kind of inserted and absorb stuff before it comes out." Zack's face went beet red as he explained.

Cloud started shaking his head violently, eyes wide. "I—I don't want that."

"Cloud, you need something," Sephiroth said. "We can't make this go away. Please, you know I'll help you with it, but you've got to pick what you'd prefer."

"I don't want—I don't want it. I'm not a girl."

"The girl at the store said that most...people start out using pads. They're easier, and tampons can be painful if they're not put in properly," Zack suggested quietly.

"I don't want it!" Cloud suddenly screamed, letting go of Sephiroth long enough to grab a package out of Zack's hand and throw it. "I don't—I don't want anything in me," he sobbed.

"I know, Cloud. I know." Sephiroth tried his best to calm Cloud down again. "You're not a girl, we all know that. We've just got to get through this. It's not going to last forever. How about we try the pads? That sounds a lot easier. They don't go in."

Cloud didn't respond again, and Sephiroth supposed that, in this case, not protesting was as good as he could hope for.

"They're meant to be worn with panties," Zack said quietly so that only Sephiroth could hear him.

"He's got a few pairs of briefs, those should work, right?" There was a large selection of the pads and Sephiroth really didn't want to go through them all right now. "Can you pick out..." Sephiroth waved his hand at the pile of products, "Something. His underwear is in the middle drawer of his dresser. If you can figure out how to attach it, that would be great. I'm going to get Cloud into the shower; he'll probably need help, so can you just leave the underwear and a change of clothes outside the bathroom door?"

"Sure thing," Zack said, beginning to sort through the packages. "Um, what's his flow like?"

"Just guess," Sephiroth said as he stood up again with Cloud still clinging to him. "Let's go get you cleaned up, okay, Cloud?"

***

Cloud was completely unhelpful in the shower; it was almost worse than the first time he had showered with this body, and Sephiroth ended up completely soaked as a result. He supposed that it was a bonus that Cloud at least remained sitting upright, leaning against the shower wall while Sephiroth washed him. But he squirmed and tried to move away when Sephiroth attempted to clean between his legs, and Sephiroth sat back, frustrated.

"Would you rather do it yourself?" he asked, holding out the washcloth.

Cloud shook his head, tears streaming down his face again.

"Then hold still and let me. You'll feel a lot better."

"Disgusting," Cloud murmured.

"It's not disgusting, Cloud," Sephiroth said with a sigh. " _You're_ not disgusting. You know I don't think that. Please, just let me do it; I'll be quick, and then it'll be done. No more thinking about it."

Cloud nodded defeatedly and slumped against the wall again, relaxing his legs. Sephiroth washed him as quickly and impersonally as he could, then shut off the taps. "Good job, Cloud," he said, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around him. He hauled Cloud out of the shower and plunked another towel on his head. "You can dry your hair, can't you?"

Cloud nodded slowly and raised his hands, rubbing the water out of his hair while Sephiroth quickly towelled him down. Distracting Cloud with a simple, non-distressing task worked like a charm every time he was in this dazed state of not coping, and it allowed Sephiroth to dry Cloud properly. He peeked outside and saw a bundle of clothes set neatly by the door and grabbed them. The briefs were on top, with the pad already stuck to them, so Sephiroth crouched down and tapped Cloud's ankle.

"Leg," he said, and Cloud obediently lifted one foot, then the other. Sephiroth pulled them up and Cloud made an unimpressed face at the sensation of the pad.

"Feels like a diaper," he whispered as the towel fell from his hands.

"I'm sorry," Sephiroth said genuinely. "I know it's uncomfortable and weird, but it's probably the best option for now." He got Cloud into the pants Zack had left for him, but Zack had apparently forgotten the binder. He wrapped the towel around Cloud's shoulders for modesty. "Cloud, let's go back to your room to get your tops on in there, okay?"

"Okay." Cloud took one step before looking down in horror. "I can't—I can't do this. I can feel it. I—"

Sephiroth cut him off by picking him up again. "You'll be okay. You can get used to it," he said as he carried Cloud back to his room.

Zack was in there making the bed, and Sephiroth noticed the pile of dirty sheets by the door. If Cloud had started bleeding during the night, there was probably a stain on the bed. He silently thanked Zack for having thought to change the sheets before Cloud saw them.

"Something wrong?" Zack asked as they came in.

"No. Cloud just needs a binder before he can put on his shirt." Sephiroth set Cloud down on the small stool and rummaged through the drawer that held them.

"Ah man, sorry, I totally forgot about that."

"No problem," Sephiroth said, keeping his voice light. "Is this one okay, Cloud?" He held up a black mid-length binder.

Cloud nodded. "Just...not too tight. They—they're kind of sore today."

Sephiroth paused, concerned. Were sore breasts normal for people when they got their periods? He knew about cramps and bloating, which was why he had gone for the mid-length, but sore breasts were new. This was also the first time that Cloud had ever asked for less compression; Sephiroth always had to make sure he wasn't wearing them too tightly. "Would you rather go without, today? Nobody minds if you do." Sometimes he wondered if Cloud believed that he and Zack would start thinking of him as a girl if he didn't bind.

"No," Cloud said adamantly. "I want, just—just not too tight."

"How about one of your compression shirts? That would be more comfortable."

"O—okay." Cloud nodded reluctantly and held out his hand for the shirt Sephiroth offered him. The athletic shirts didn't do a _great_ job of hiding his breasts; Cloud usually only ever wore them at night, and often only upon Sephiroth's insistence that he shouldn't wear the binders all the time. But they helped a little and were significantly more comfortable than the proper binders. Cloud shoved his arms through and pulled the tight shirt down, and Sephiroth helped him get adjusted so his chest looked as flat as possible. When it was as good as it was going to get, Sephiroth held out the regular shirt for him. "Thanks."

"No problem. Feeling a bit better?"

"I—yeah, I guess. A bit."

"How about we go watch some TV for a while to take our minds off things," Sephiroth suggested, holding out his arms. When Cloud nodded, he bent and picked him up again. At Zack's raised eyebrow, he merely shrugged and said, "It's weird walking with the pad."

Zack nodded his understanding and followed them to the living room. "Hey, it's getting to be close to lunchtime, guys. How about I make you some of my Grandma's mac 'n' cheese? It's the perfect comfort food for an epically shitty day."

"That sounds great, Zack," Sephiroth said as he set Cloud down on the couch and turned on the TV. "I'll be back right away, Cloud. Find something you want to watch or think of a movie." Sephiroth ushered Zack into the kitchen. "Hey, while you're cooking, can you do a little research? Find out if breast pain is normal. I've never heard of that, and he's never asked for less compression before. It's got to be bad. And also...how often are we going to have to change the pads?"

"Sure, I can do that. I'm not sure about the pad changing. That's a regular flow pad with wings that he's got on now, and, if his flow is regular, it should be good for four to six hours or so, but the girl said to check on it every once in a while until he gets used to it, so it doesn't leak."

"Wings? Zack, I—"

"Maybe check him in three hours?" Zack shrugged helplessly. "And she sold me some naproxen for if he gets cramps. I put it in the medicine cabinet in the main bathroom. The pads he's using now are on the counter and all the other stuff is in the cupboard by the sink."

"Got it, thanks. I should get back to him."

"No worries. We can try and figure it out better after he falls asleep or something. I'm sure he will; that freakout had to have used up a lot of energy."

Sephiroth headed back to his room and quickly changed into some dry clothes before going back to Cloud. The channel hadn't been changed and Cloud was staring blankly at the TV. "Anything you want to watch?" he asked, crouching down next to Cloud.

"I dunno."

"All right." Sephiroth patted Cloud's knee and pushed himself up. He popped in a movie that Cloud had watched over and over again, figuring it was something he liked, but wouldn't require concentration to enjoy. He grabbed a throw blanket off the back of the chair and sat down next to Cloud, tossing the blanket over him and pulling him close. "You're going to be all right, Cloud," he murmured, stroking Cloud's hair. "We can get through this." Maybe if he repeated it often enough, one of them might start to believe it.

Cloud hadn't moved at all in the hour it took for Zack to arrive in the living room with two steaming bowls of macaroni fresh from the oven. If it hadn't been for the steady rise and fall of his chest, Sephiroth might have thought he had died. But he shifted a little, though he was still leaning against Sephiroth, and sat up far enough so he could eat his lunch without spilling. To be honest, Sephiroth had been worried that Cloud might have refused to eat, but he ate slowly and steadily, only leaving a bit in the bottom of the bowl.

"How're you feeling?" Zack asked as he took their empty bowls back, finishing up the bit that was left in Cloud's.

"Been better." Cloud pulled his blanket up under his chin and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"It's just, periods can cause cramping, which is unpleasant, so I've got some medicine to help with that. If you need it."

"This isn't cramping," Cloud muttered, "I've had cramps. This is someone tying my organs in knots and jabbing at my crotch with a hot poker."

"So...I'll go get you some of that medicine." Zack dumped the bowls in the kitchen and came back a couple minutes later with a glass of water and two white pills. "He can have another dose every four to six hours," Zack said, setting the bottle on the side table before leaning in a little closer so that only Sephiroth could hear. "The sore breasts just come with the territory."

"Got it. Thanks."

"I should get back to work..." Zack shot Sephiroth a worried look. "I'll make up something to tell Lazard about why you left."

Sephiroth nodded. "We'll be fine, thanks for your help. If you can bring back any paperwork for me, I can at least do that from here."

"Sure thing. There are instructions on the packaging for the pads and some overnight ones in the cupboard if I'm not back before Cloud wants to go to bed. And the rest of the mac 'n' cheese is in the fridge if you're hungry later. And call if you need anything."

"We'll be _fine_ , Zack. But take Cloud's keycard with you so you can let yourself back in."

"Sounds good. All right then, I'm outta here. Take care, Spike, okay?" Zack crouched down and ruffled Cloud's hair.

The apartment felt unnaturally silent after Zack left, and Sephiroth allowed his mind to drift away. When he realized that they had been watching the menu animation for the movie for at least half an hour after it had ended, Sephiroth gave his head a small shake and switched over to the TV. Cloud appeared to be sleeping and Sephiroth didn't want to bother him by getting up to change the movie; he supposed he have to, though, soon enough. It was getting close to the three hour mark.

He dreaded having to force Cloud to go through that again, but the minutes kept moving forward on the clock and eventually he couldn't put it off any longer. "Cloud," Sephiroth said, shaking his shoulder gently, "Wake up."

Cloud stirred and rubbed his eyes.

"Hey, there," he said, trying not to betray his nervousness, "It's been three hours and we need to check to see if your pad needs changing."

Cloud went from sleepy to panicking in an instant. He pushed himself up, fighting against Sephiroth's hold and shaking his head as if he could will it into non-existence. "I can't—I can't—I don't want to—I can't. Please, _please_ , I can't do it, Sephiroth. I _can't_."

"Calm down, Cloud, calm. You don't have to do anything. Okay?" It wasn't difficult, physically, to hold onto Cloud, but it was a struggle to force himself to do it when Cloud so clearly wanted to get away. "I just need you to come with me to the bathroom. I'll do everything else. You don't have to look or touch, just please, don't fight me on this."

"I can't..." Cloud whimpered, giving up on his struggle to get away.

"I know you can't, Cloud. I know. And I understand. You don't have to learn to do this on your own; it's too much. I understand." Sephiroth pulled Cloud closer so he could pick him up as he spoke. "Just think of something else, anything else. What was your favourite thing to do as a kid?"

Cloud clung to him, shaking, as Sephiroth carried him to the bathroom. The pads were there on the counter, like Zack had said, complete with diagrams showing how to attach them, and what to do with the used ones. "Come on, Cloud," Sephiroth said as he studied the pictures, "What did you like to do?"

"I—I used to go camping...My—my dad would take me. Up the mountain near our town."

"That sounds like fun." Sephiroth took out a square green package—at least it wasn't pink—and opened it. He could do this. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

"No."

"Okay, look up at the ceiling now. What sort of stuff did you do when you were camping?" he asked as he set Cloud down and tugged his pants and underwear down.

"We—we went fishing, and Dad taught me how to survive in the wild and stuff..." Cloud's voice trailed off and he clutched at Sephiroth's shoulder.

Sephiroth pulled off the used pad and set it on the edge of the tub where Cloud wouldn't see it. "Keep going, we're almost done. What else did you do?" He hurriedly tried to set the new pad in place; it was hard to tell where exactly it was supposed to go according to the diagram.

"I—I don't know," Cloud moaned as he fought back a sob.

"Shh, shh, it's okay." Sephiroth got the wings figured out and squashed each side down so it was firmly attached. He pulled Cloud's pants back up and pulled him into a hug. "There, all done. You did great, Cloud." He planted a kiss on the top of Cloud's head before he had even realized he was doing it. "You did great."

Cloud clung to him desperately, sobbing again. "I'm sorry, I just—"

"It's okay, Cloud. You did far better than I might have expected." Sephiroth reached behind Cloud with one arm and wrapped up the used pad using the wrapper from the new one, then tossed it in the trash. Then he swung Cloud around so that he could still hang onto him while Sephiroth washed his hands. "Come on, ordeal's over. I'll make you some tea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tea solves everything. Just ask Cid.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for missing the post last week, but I climbed two mountains. It was hard, and I was tired.

By the time the late afternoon rolled around, Sephiroth was thoroughly bored of watching daytime TV. Cloud hadn't handled the second pad changing any better; it was worse actually, due to the fact that he had also had to go to the bathroom. It had been a good twenty minutes before he stopped crying afterwards. Sephiroth had felt absolutely useless as he had held him and tried to reassure him that it wouldn't last forever. But still, five days? A week? Seemed pretty much like forever.

The third time was easier, but Sephiroth resigned himself to the fact that there was no way that Cloud was going to be doing this on his own. It was just too much to ask of him. However, Sephiroth was getting the hang of positioning the pads in the right place, and he was getting faster at it. Every three hours was a pain though. He couldn't believe women did this every month for almost their entire lives. Although, hadn't he heard something about some types of birth control that could stop periods? That would be worth looking into...

Cloud said that the pills Zack had left helped, but not for long enough, and Sephiroth refused to give him more before he was allowed. So he was also in pain, which didn't help matters at all. Sephiroth was wishing for nothing more than to be able to curl up in his bed and pretend this wasn't happening when someone knocked on the front door again. He brought Cloud with him, his brain absently coming up with a magazine headline stating that Cloud accessories were all the rage this fashion season, and looked out the peephole.

"Fuck." Sephiroth banged his head against the door. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!"

"Just open the door," Tseng said from the other side. "You owe me an explanation."

Cloud brought his head up, looking alarmed despite his puffy, bloodshot eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you no matter what," Sephiroth said as he unlocked the door. "You don't have to say anything to him." He stepped aside as he opened the door, keeping Cloud out of sight of anyone else who might have been in the hall and motioned for Tseng to come in. "Shut the door behind you."

Tseng followed him into the living room, not saying a word as Sephiroth sat down, still holding on to Cloud. It took him a moment to realize that Cloud's squirming was him trying to cover his not very well hidden chest and grabbed the throw blanket to cover him. Tseng sat in the chair opposite the couch and raised an eyebrow.

"New girlfriend?" he finally said. "She's cute, but tears don't really suit her."

Sephiroth snarled, wishing he could send Cloud somewhere else so he didn't have to hear this. "This is Cloud. _He_ is not my _boy_ friend."

Tseng's eyebrow rose a little higher. "Just...explain. What's going on? I take it _he_ is your personal business."

Sephiroth sighed heavily and adjusted Cloud in his arms. Tseng would see through any lies he came up with, and the truth was his best bet anyway for getting the Turk on his side. "Cloud was with the Cadet Program. I found him in labs about a month ago." He glanced down at Cloud to see if hearing the truth out loud upset him, but Cloud's eyes were staring straight ahead, glazed over and seeing nothing. "Hojo somehow made him female."

"Why?"

Sephiroth shook his head minutely, knowing that Tseng would notice. "I don't know."

Tseng blinked slowly in response to his unspoken message. "And you've been keeping him here since then? I take it he's the escaped sample that was never found." It was hard to tell if Tseng was just employing his poker face, or if he really wasn't surprised by the information.

"Yes."

"You know that I should report you." Tseng looked Sephiroth straight in the eyes.

Sephiroth glared back fiercely. "I'll kill you before you get a chance."

The tension in the air hung heavily, and several minutes of threatening silence passed before Tseng leaned back in the chair, shrugging his shoulders. "So, what are you planning to do with him? Is he always like this?"

Sephiroth fought to not let the relief show in his face. "No, he's not always like this. Today's just been a really bad day. As for what we're planning, well, I want to figure out how to change him back. So far, it's proved difficult." He glanced over at the clock; Cloud could have another couple pills now. Not wanting to make him wait until Tseng left, he reached over and grabbed the bottle off the side table. He got Cloud into a sitting position, then handed him two pills followed by the glass of water.

Tseng waited until Cloud was lying down again before he spoke. "Naproxen. That's for menstrual pain."

"Yes," Sephiroth said with a wary eye on Cloud. Cloud rarely reacted well to anything specifically female being connected to him. He didn't want to come right out and tell someone Cloud didn't even know that he had started his period.

"Explains the bad day," was all Tseng said, however. "He's quite the screamer. You'll have some explaining to do when you go back into the office."

"They'll have a while to forget about it," Sephiroth said. "I'm not going back until it's finished."

"Lazard's going to be angry that you're missing more work."

"Lazard can go fuck himself."

"And Hojo?"

"Hojo can go fuck himself too."

"Your loyalty is overwhelming," Tseng said dryly.

"I don't owe Shin-Ra anything, especially not my loyalty." Sephiroth concentrated on running his fingers through Cloud's hair, trying to keep calm.

Tseng sighed loudly and stood. "I'm just saying you should probably come up with a good excuse if you don't want people prying into your affairs. Hojo's not an idiot. He wasn't at the meeting today, but word will get around. Don't bother yourself; I'll let myself out. And hey, glad you weren't using your apartment as a torture chamber."

"Tseng," Sephiroth called his name sharply and then paused. "Thank you," he added quietly.

"I'm not going to cover for you," Tseng warned, "and if he gets caught, I'm not helping. My life is worth more than some cadet's."

"Understood. Still, thank you."

The door swung closed with a bang and Sephiroth squeezed Cloud's shoulders. "Well, that went better than expected."

"It did?" Cloud asked softly.

"Sure, there's no blood on the carpet, is there?"

"I'm causing too much trouble, aren't I? You're missing work and now more people are getting involved..."

"Yes, it's awful that Shin-Ra is being inconvenienced by their policy of using humans as lab rats. You should feel terrible." Sephiroth sighed and leaned his head down, resting it on Cloud's. "This isn't your fault, Cloud. Tseng can take care of himself, and I'd like to see Shin-Ra try and fire me. Besides, I kind of like hanging out with you; you're way more interesting than paperwork and less painful than missions."

Sephiroth swore he saw the faintest hint of a smile on Cloud's face. "Liar. You never get hurt on missions."

"Do too. A strand of my hair got caught in the truck door last week. Hurt like a bitch."

Cloud actually smiled at that. "If you didn't have such stu—" A knocking sound caused Cloud to cut himself off abruptly; it hadn't come from the front door. Sephiroth slid away from Cloud and cautiously walked across the room to retrieve Masamune, ready to spring into action at any moment. The knock came again, from the door to the exercise room, and he mouthed at Cloud not to move.

Holding Masamune ready to strike, he unlocked the door and then yanked it open.

Tseng stood there, blinking at him, unamused. "Who the hell did you think it was?" he asked. "Never mind. Here." he held out a small cloth thing that looked a bit like a pillow. "For those muscles you strained jumping down the stairs. Toss it in the microwave for a couple minutes; works wonders on cramps."

Sephiroth took the oddly heavy bag; it felt like it was full of beans or something. "I thought you said you weren't helping us."

"Yeah, well, the kid looked so damn miserable; I'm not completely heartless...Still, that's for _your_ muscle cramps."

"Got it. Thank you."

Tseng gave a sharp nod and turned away. Sephiroth watched him leave the exercise room without looking back once. Sometimes Tseng was difficult to figure out. Sephiroth had never heard of him feeling sorry for anyone; at least not enough to do anything about it. He shoved the thought to the back of his mind and shut the door.

"Cloud, I'm just going to the kitchen for a minute. Will you be all right? And do you need anything?"

"I'm okay."

Sephiroth put the bag in the microwave and turned on the oven, putting the leftover macaroni in to heat up for dinner. Not the healthiest of meals, he supposed, but like Zack had said, it was comfort food. It was also easy. When the microwave beeped, he took the bag back out to the living room and sat down next to Cloud. Cloud immediately scooted closer and Sephiroth almost commented, but felt the trembling in his body and held his tongue. Cloud was scared of being alone right now; he couldn't cope with his own body by himself, and that scared him.

He got Cloud arranged so he was leaning back against him and then held out the heating pad. "Here, put it on your stomach," he said, tugging Cloud's top shirt up a bit. "It'll help with the cramps."

"Is this what Tseng gave you?" Cloud asked as he shut his eyes, looking relieved at the warm feeling.

"Yeah. See? I told you it went well."

"Yeah...can you tell him thanks for me? It's nice."

"I don't think he wants your thanks, but I'll let him know anyway." Sephiroth flipped to the news channel as Cloud drifted off again, at peace until the next pad-changing ordeal.

***

Cloud was still sleeping when Zack came in, looking exhausted. "How's he doing?"

"About as well as can be expected, I suppose," Sephiroth answered quietly. "Tseng lent us a heating pad...want to go toss it in the microwave again? And take the macaroni out of the oven while you're at it?"

Zack gave him an unimpressed look, but took the bag. "Your day better've been miserable," he grumbled. "And did you say Tseng?"

"Yeah, I guess he finally had enough evidence that he felt he could confront me about it."

"Things are cool, though? Well—I guess they must be if he's giving you things."

"His official stance is that he knows nothing."

"Fair enough. I wouldn't have expected more than that. How long do I put this in for?"

"A couple minutes on high." Sephiroth listened to the sound of the microwave and Zack taking the macaroni out, and then putting it back in.

"Give it another half hour," Zack said when he came back in. "It's always slow to heat up from cold—especially when you don't stir it." He handed back the heating pad and Sephiroth set it gently on Cloud's stomach, causing him to stir slightly and snuggle his face into the crook of Sephiroth's arm. "He's so cute like that," Zack said with a fond smile.

"I doubt he'd appreciate you saying that." Sephiroth stared hard at Cloud for a few seconds to make sure he was really asleep. "Even if it's true."

"Aww, that's so sweet. You think Cloud's adorable," Zack cooed at him.

"Are you quite certain you're an adult?" Sephiroth glared. "I said no such thing. So, what did you tell them? About why I left."

"Ah, well, I said that you had been feeling lonely lately, so you got some fancy schmancy dog to keep you company," Zack said, looking quite proud of himself.

"You said I got a _dog_?"

"Yup. And so, since you can't leave your precious doggy by itself all day, you had a petsitter take care of it. Only the dog was doing something dog-like and hurt itself, and the petsitter freaked out and thought it was dead and called you screaming. And you rushed home to save the day. Now you have to tend to your poor wounded doggy, so you're going to be working from home for a while."

"You said I got a _dog_."

"Yup!"

"You don't think that people will catch on when it becomes obvious that I _don't_ have a dog?"

"Tell them it died from its injuries. If you don't like the story I came up with, you should have thought of something yourself. It was the best I could do! Everyone was surrounding me, demanding that I tell them what happened, and I panicked!"

"You couldn't have gone with a cat? Cats are at least tolerable."

"You realize that both the cat and the dog would still be imaginary, right?"

"But a cat would be more logical! A dog has to be taken outside for walks; I live on the twentieth floor and _someone_ would have seen me take a dog out."

"Oh. Good point. Well, the damage is done now, so we'll just have to kill off Rover before anyone gets suspicious."

Sephiroth sighed and absently ran his fingers through Cloud's hair; he wished he could sleep, too. "Can you explain the pads a bit more?" he asked. "I don't think his flow is regular; I've been changing them every three hours and the last one had leaked a bit. I haven't had a chance to look at what else you got, though. It's pretty upsetting for him, so I've just been trying to get it done as quickly as possible."

"Sure." Zack ran to the bathroom and came back with four packages. "This is the light days one; the girl said that the last couple days are fairly light for most people. Then there are the regulars, which he's been using. These are..." Zack peered at the label. "Supers. For heavy flow. Maybe that's what he should be using now. And these ones are for overnight; they're supposed to be good for six to eight hours."

Sephiroth opened the package of supers and felt one of them; it was significantly thicker than the regular pads. "And he says the ones he's using now feel like a diaper...he's not going to be happy."

"It'd probably be better than having to change it so often."

"Probably; I can carry him if he doesn't like the way walking with it on feels."

Cloud suddenly shifted against him and yawned widely, so Zack hastily gathered up the pads and ran back to the bathroom with them. He came back as Cloud was blinking tiredly.

"Hey, bud, how's it going?"

"Can I have more drugs yet?" 

"That good, huh?"

"I'm all right, I guess. This helps," Cloud said as he flipped the heating pad over. "Are you in trouble, Sephiroth?"

"With Shin-Ra? Nah, Zack made up an idiotic story –"

"It's a good story!" Zack protested.

"An idiotic story about a dog that's going to die in the next few days. Along with my 2IC."

"Hey!"

Sephiroth shrugged. "I'll have to take some time off to mourn, of course. I'll miss my dog terribly."

Cloud stifled a giggle. "You appreciate Zack and you know it."

"That's true, who else will go bring us dinner?" he said, looking at Zack expectantly.

Zack crossed his arms and pouted. "Now seems like as good a time as any to find out."

"You'd really let Cloud starve?" Sephiroth asked with a raised eyebrow.

Zack let out a disgruntled noise, but pushed himself out of the chair. " _Fine_."

"Cloud, how about we go to the bathroom first," Sephiroth suggested.

Cloud tensed and the smile that had been there disappeared in a flash. "I—Do we have to?"

"We should. But Zack explained things to me a bit more thoroughly; we'll use a different pad that won't need to be changed as often. This will be the last one before you go to bed."

Cloud nodded resolutely and wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's neck, shaking again. Sephiroth rubbed his back as he picked him up and attempted to murmur comforting things. Zack had left all of the choices on the counter, and Sephiroth kept Cloud looking away from them; the less he had to see, the better. 

"Zack makes pretty good macaroni, doesn't he?" Sephiroth said as he one-handedly fished out one of the super-absorbency pads and opened it up.

"Yeah, I like it."

Sephiroth set Cloud down with Cloud staring determinedly at the ceiling. This was becoming pretty routine: make an attempt at distracting him, pull his pants down, make another attempt while changing the pad, pull them back up. "Good, because that's what we're having for dinner again." It was, undoubtedly, a pathetic attempt, and did absolutely nothing to help when Cloud noticed the different thickness in the pads.

"Why is it so different?" Cloud asked, his breath hitching.

Sephiroth quickly stood and gathered Cloud into his arms, trying to calm him before full-on panic set in. "It's just more absorbent. That way we don't have to change it as often. That's a good thing. I know it feels even weirder, but try to get used to it. You don't have to walk anywhere."

It was a bit difficult to wash his hands without letting go of Cloud, but he managed, and then carried Cloud out to the kitchen. "Want to eat at the table? The couch is going to have a permanent groove in the shape of my ass if I don't give it a bit of a break."

"Y—yeah okay. I—I guess..." Cloud's arms tightened minutely, but he didn't say anything more.

"We're eating at the table?" Zack asked as he poured a glass of milk for everyone.

"Yes." Sephiroth took one of the glasses so Zack wouldn't have to balance three, then pushed the two chairs on the long side of the table so they were right next to each other. "You don't have to sit alone," he said softly.

Cloud just ducked his head in embarrassment, and Sephiroth thought he heard a muffled 'thank you', but he wasn't quite sure. He waited until Zack had dished out the macaroni so he could take one of the bowls over to the table as well. Then he got Cloud settled in one chair and went around to the other side, pulling Cloud closer to him when he sat down. Zack followed shortly with the other two bowls and a salad balanced on his arm. He set them down and dragged another chair over next to Cloud.

"If we all squish together we can just eat from the salad bowl and I won't have to do more dishes." He ruffled Cloud's hair as he sat down.

"You don't have to—"

"Oh, you _know_ Seph'll make me do the dishes, Cloud. Don't even try to deny it."

"That wasn't—"

"So do you guys want to watch a movie after dinner? Or maybe play a board game?"

Sephiroth sighed and squeezed Cloud's shoulder. "Whatever you'd like, Zack. I think he's feeling lonely," he added as an aside to Cloud.

"He can take my place anytime he wants," Cloud said quietly, poking at his food.

"You know I'd do it in a heartbeat it I could, Spiky."

"I—I'm hungry." Cloud was beet red as he devoted his whole attention to eating.

A few hours later, both Sephiroth and Cloud were nodding off as the end credits for the movie rolled. Zack nudged Sephiroth on the arm. "I'm going to head out now; the paperwork I brought you is by the front door. Do you mind if I take Cloud's keycard again? Just in case?"

"Go ahead." Sephiroth sat up, yawning. "Have a good night."

"Thanks, you too."

Sephiroth slid out from underneath Cloud. "I'll be right back," he whispered. He went and put the heating pad in the microwave again, then got a clean pair of pyjamas and underwear from Cloud's room and set them in the bathroom. He opened up one of the overnight pads and left it on the counter, then went to fetch Cloud.

"Come on, bedtime."

Cloud just nodded and wrapped his arms around Sephiroth as he was carried to the bathroom. It probably wasn't healthy that Cloud was sleeping so much, but if it helped him get through this, well...maybe it wasn't so bad. It certainly made getting him changed easier. Cloud's movements were almost robotic as he responded to Sephiroth's instructions, and he didn't protest when Sephiroth only put a t-shirt on him as a top.

Sephiroth scooped him up again and retrieved the pad from the microwave, then went to his room. Cloud looked around, confused, as he was set down on the bed.

"Your?"

"I figured you'd be happier sleeping in here tonight, since you aren't really in any shape to be left alone. Would you rather sleep in your room?" Sephiroth regretted not asking him first; it was probably a rather rude assumption that Cloud would be okay with being in his bed.

"I..." Cloud fiddled with the bedspread under him. "I don't want to be alone."

"Then stay here, Cloud. You'll feel a lot better. I don't snore, I promise." Sephiroth held Cloud's hand and skated his thumb across his knuckles, as Cloud appeared to consider it.

"All right. You don't mind?"

"No, Cloud. I don't mind." Sephiroth pulled the covers back on the other side of the bed and moved Cloud over to that side, tucking him in with the heating pad. "I'm just going to go get changed and brush my teeth. Holler if you need anything."

When he returned to the room and crawled into his side of the bed, Cloud stirred slightly and reached out with his hand. Sephiroth took it and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You'll be all right. That's one day done."

Sephiroth kept holding Cloud's hand until he drifted off. The sound of crying woke him up a couple hours later. Cloud was awake and curled up in a small ball, trying not to make any noise.

"I'm sorry," Cloud whispered when Sephiroth turned to look at him. "I didn't mean to wake you. I should go back to my room."

"So you can be miserable alone?" Sephiroth rolled over completely and patted the bed directly beside him. "Come here. You were leaning on me all day; it doesn't make a difference what piece of furniture we're on."

Cloud seemed to hesitate for a moment, but Sephiroth just patted the bed again and held open his arms. That was all it took for Cloud to slide closer for a hug. "Thank you."

"Shh, go to sleep now. You'll be all right." Sephiroth pulled Cloud in close so he was fitted snugly against Sephiroth's chest. He had never had anyone quite like Cloud in his bed before; his policy of not sleeping with women where Hojo might be able to find out made it difficult to bring them back to his apartment. And the SOLDIERs he slept with were all significantly larger and more muscular than Cloud. It was nice to be able to hold someone like this, and Sephiroth kissed the top of his head again without thinking about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems the boys don't know about chocolate. You'd think Tseng would, but I suspect he didn't want to give it away. He's got good chocolate.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there's no schedule at all for posting this. I don't even know how days work anymore. I'll be computerless in Disneyland next week.

Sephiroth heard the door alarm beep and was instantly awake, instinctively pulling Cloud closer to him and listening hard. Whoever it was paused to take off their shoes, and Sephiroth allowed himself to relax a fraction; people who didn't belong rarely bothered with niceties. He heard footsteps coming down the hall and relaxed even further; it was definitely Zack out there. He loosened his hold on Cloud a little and lay his head back down.

"Seph, you up yet?" Zack knocked on the door and peeked in. "What the hell?" Zack froze in the doorway, eyes wide and staring.

"Yeah, I'm up." Sephiroth carefully slid out of bed so he wouldn't disturb Cloud, wondering what Zack's problem was. He barely got his bathrobe on before Zack had grabbed onto his arm and was pulling him towards the door.

"He slept in your _bed_?" Zack hissed, dragging Sephiroth towards the living room and out of Cloud's earshot. "Are you crazy? That's...that's so _creepy!_ "

"It wasn't creepy," Sephiroth protested and glanced back at the bedroom, worried that the noise had woken Cloud. "He had been afraid of being alone all day; I couldn't make him sleep by himself, so I let him sleep with me. What's wrong with that?"

"So he asked if he could sleep with you?" Zack asked, sounding relieved.

"Well, no, not exactly..."

"What do you mean?" Zack furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Sephiroth questioningly.

"I just took him to my room; I figured he wouldn't want to be alone. But he agreed to it."

"Seph—Seph, that's not cool." Zack seemed to be struggling to find the right words. "You can't—you can't just do stuff like that."

"I know I probably should have asked him first, but I didn't think of that until after. He was fine." Why the hell was Zack looking at him like that? He had only been trying to help Cloud.

"You don't think it's creepy to take someone to your bed and—Seph, I _saw_ you guys. You were holding him like a lover."

"Zack, no! No, I was just holding him. He woke me up in the night, and he had been crying, so I held him to comfort him. That's all, I swear."

"I believe you, Sephiroth, I do. I know you weren't intentionally being a creeper, it's just...never mind. Look, I've been wanting to talk to you about something. Yesterday...and now this..." Zack hesitated and poked at the carpet with his foot. "Seph, you're babying him too much. This isn't healthy for either one of you."

"I'm not babying him!" Sephiroth hissed, trying to keep his voice down. "Cloud needs help, that's all."

"No, Cloud _thinks_ he needs help because you let him get away with it. He's not coping because he doesn't have to. Why should he if you do everything for him? You don't even make him _walk_ , Seph. How is he supposed to do anything when you're not around?"

"I'll just stay around, then. He shouldn't have to deal with this, Zack, it's not fair to him."

"No, it's not fair, and it never should have happened. But it did, and now he's got to deal with it. Cloud is strong, Sephiroth. He's a very strong kid who didn't give up even when he was trailing the pack in every class. He can handle this if you give him a chance. He's not a doll, and he's not going to break."

"Like hell he's not. You're not around, Zack. You don't know what it's like for him. You don't wake up to the sound of him crying at night or see how hard it is for him to do something simple like take a shower. And I don't treat him like a doll!"

"I know. I know it's hard for him, I do understand that. And I know you're not treating him like this on purpose; you just want to help him, right?"

"Right," Sephiroth said cautiously, not wanting to commit to anything just yet.

"And I'm guilty of babying him too. It's really hard not to want to help him out when he looks so upset. I noticed that last night; it's kind of a cycle, you know? You do one thing for him, because hey, that's really hard. And then something else comes up and well, you can do that too. And then why not do this for him as well? Next thing we know, we're just dressing him up and playing with him like a toy. We can't let ourselves fall into that trap, Seph. I mean, you don't want him relying on you for everything, do you?"

Sephiroth frowned and glanced back down the hall again. He wasn't playing with Cloud. Cloud _needed_ him. No one had ever needed him before for anything other than killing.

Zack sighed and continued. "The Cloud that's asleep in your bed right now? That's not the Cloud I know. At first, it was understandable; it was a huge shock for him, and he needed all the help he could get while he got used to things. But it's been a month, Sephiroth, and he hasn't gotten any better at coping."

"He has!" Sephiroth protested. "He's gotten a lot better!"

"So that conversation you had yesterday when Cloud asked for his binder to not be too tight, and you arranged his breasts for him...you don't normally help him with that? Because that's what it looked like to me."

"He doesn't like doing it! Why should he have to?"

"He should have to because fully functional adults can get dressed on their own. Whether they like it or not. Tell me you don't always help him shower. I know he was in a bad way yesterday, but—hang on, Cloud washed himself, right? You were pretty wet, but you were just there lending moral support, right?"

When Sephiroth didn't say anything, Zack buried his face in his hands, looking upset.

"Sephiroth, this needs to stop. It's not appropriate. The only reason I'm not saying to hell with security and dragging Cloud out of here right now is because I really believe that you don't mean to be so damn creepy."

"So, what am I supposed to do? Kick him out, and let him fend for himself?" Not that he'd do it even if Zack said yes, but Sephiroth was feeling indignant. He wasn't some pervert.

"Now you're just being dramatic. You don't have to leave him to the wolves. Just...just start encouraging him to do things on his own. Tell him that he can handle it because he _can_. He just needs the confidence to believe it. Cloud's not the timid little shrinking violet he's turned into, but you need to give him a chance to remember that."

"But he gets so upset, I can't just ignore him."

"I know it's hard, and I'm not saying that you need to ignore his needs completely. Just stop and think about what those needs really are. Please? For him?"

Sephiroth pursed his lips and crossed his arms. "I'll try, but...what if this just breaks him completely?"

"If he needs a hug or some encouragement, by all means, give it to him, but he's a lot stronger than you're giving him credit for. That's what I mean when I say you're treating him like a doll. He's not some delicate thing, and he's not going to break." Zack paused for a moment before speaking again. "Hey, how about you go into work today and I'll stay with Cloud? You'll be able to see for yourself that he'll survive without having to see him struggle."

"No," Sephiroth said flatly. "I told him I wouldn't leave him during the period."

"All right, it was just a suggestion. I wouldn't let him have a panic attack or anything, just so you know. But try a little. Maybe take the used pads off for him, but show him how to attach the new ones. It won't hurt him, I promise. Let him shower on his own. It won't be easy for him, but it'll be so much better for him, mentally, in the long run. And for Gaia's sake, let him walk on his own."

"Fine, I'll try. I'm not guaranteeing anything, though."

"Thanks, Seph." Zack stood and stretched his arms above his head. "I should get going then. I'll check in again in the evening. Okay?"

"Sure," Sephiroth said moodily. He didn't like this at all, but Zack seemed so sure of himself...maybe he had a point. He supposed he should start by waking Cloud up. Zack had said that the overnight pads were good for up to eight hours; it was probably a little over that, by now.

When he found himself standing next to the bed, however, it seemed like the world's most difficult task to reach down and shake Cloud's shoulder. He was prepared to change Cloud's pads for him and help him in the shower, but he didn't think he'd be capable of forcing Cloud to do it on his own. Not after promising him that he wouldn't have to. What was he supposed to say? 'Sorry, but Zack says...' didn't seem very effective. Who was he to take orders from Zack?

Cloud stirred while he was trying to figure it out, and Sephiroth quickly pretended like he had just walked in and hadn't been standing there staring at him. "Good morning, Cloud. Did you sleep all right?"

"I—yeah, I guess. I don't—I—shit." Cloud rubbed at his eyes and then pulled the blankets up so they were covering his chest. "Sorry for bothering you last night."

"You weren't a bother." Sephiroth thought carefully for a moment before speaking. "Cloud, you need to change your pad. Do you need help with it?"

Cloud went pale and his eyes flashed angrily for a moment. "You—you said—"

"I know I did, and I'm not saying I won't. I just wanted to make sure that you do need it." He offered Cloud his hand to help him out of the bed, but forced himself to stop short of picking him up. "Let's go to the bathroom."

He felt Cloud hesitate, but tugged on his arm until he followed with a slight whimper. They were both silent while he got the pad changed with minimal fuss, though he wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, or if Cloud really was glaring at him. By the time they were at the table with their cereal, Sephiroth had to say something.

"Cloud?"

"Yeah?" Cloud didn't look up and instead continued to aimlessly stir his Cheerios.

"I—" He paused, wondering if it would maybe it would be better after all to let Zack take the fall for what he apparently had to say. It hadn't been his idea, and if someone was going to get flak for it, Sephiroth preferred it to be the instigator. "Zack says that you need to start doing more things on your own."

Cloud paused mid-stir. "Oh."

"Are you all right with that?" He lowered his head, trying to see past Cloud's hair and maybe catch an expression.

"Of course, sir. I should have expected you'd—Sorry. When?"

Sephiroth frowned; Cloud had only called him 'sir' a few times since he moved in. And he should have expected he'd what? "It can be gradual, I think. It's just that Zack says you're not—well, I think it's bull, but he says you're not coping because I help you too much."

"I _am_ coping!" Cloud dropped his spoon and stood with his hands clenched into fists. "You think I'm not? I get out of bed every fucking day and I _cope!_ If you're sick of having me around, just say so, but—"

"I'm not sick of you," Sephiroth matched Cloud's volume as he stood as well. "Fuck, Cloud, I never said I didn't want you around. I _like_ having you here. Zack just thinks—"

"Thinks what?" Cloud angrily wiped at a few tears that were running down his cheeks as his voice suddenly got softer. "If he's got such a problem with me, why didn't _he_ say something to me?"

"It's not you, Cloud. It's not you he's got the problem with. He thinks—" This was hard to phrase; it didn't help that he still didn't understand what the problem really was. "He thinks I'm hurting you, or something, by helping you so much. He said I'm being creepy and treating you like a doll. I don't think I am, and, if I am, I don't meant to, but..."

"What does he know?" More tears spilled over, and Cloud let them fall. "He doesn't know what it's like."

"I know." Sephiroth stopped holding himself back and went to Cloud's side. "I tried to tell him. I see how hard it is for you, and I just want to make it a little bit easier, if I can. But...I don't know, Cloud. Can't you see? I've always relied on Zack to tell me when I'm doing something that isn't acceptable; he's always been right before. I just...what if he's right, Cloud? I don't want to hurt you." He gently stroked Cloud's cheek to brush the tears aside. "I'm not going to abandon you, and I'm definitely not going to kick you out, but maybe we could both try, just a little bit, and see how it goes."

"You're not hurting me," Cloud said quietly. "I can't do this."

"Maybe you can; I think that's all Zack's saying. Just that maybe you don't need quite as much help as we think you do. Can you try? For me?"

Cloud's lower lip trembled, and he sniffled loudly, but nodded in a defeated sort of way. "What do I have to do?"

"We'll take it gradually. Just small things, at first. Maybe...how about I show you the pads and explain the different ones and how to use them. Does that sound like a good start? It's not actually _doing_ anything, just listening."

"Yeah, all right." Cloud still looked very defeated, but he had stopped crying, at least.

"Let's finish up our breakfast first. We might as well put it off as long as we can." Sephiroth had the feeling that if _he_ wanted to put it off, Cloud would want to even more.

***

Sitting with Cloud one the couch had somehow been raised to an extremely awkward level. Sephiroth wanted to sit next to him and hold him, and it looked to him like Cloud wanted that too, but now he had Zack's voice in the back of his mind telling him that it was creepy and inappropriate. So he had sat much further towards the middle of the couch than he would have preferred, but not so far as to make Cloud feel like he was being rejected.

"Are you feeling any better?" Sephiroth asked cautiously. Cloud had been rather explosive since he got out of the shower, and his bad mood combined with the awkwardness made sitting next to him feel rather like sitting next to Dark Nation; he had never been quite sure of how tame the creature was.

"No," Cloud bit out the word and then sighed. "Well, a little, I guess."

"Was it too much to handle?"

Cloud pulled his knees up to his chest and scowled. "It was fucking disgusting."

"Don't say that. Women deal with that all the time, and they're not disgusting, are they?"

"Do you know any women who jump for joy when their monthly crotch bleeding comes around?"

Sephiroth laughed, "Okay, maybe they're a minority, but while I doubt many people think it's pleasant, it is natural, not disgusting. However, I took the opportunity while you were in the shower to look up some unnatural ways of preventing periods, so I'll get you on something for that as soon as I can."

"You can prevent? How? Can we stop it now?" Cloud's face lit up with excitement.

"Yes. Hormonal birth control. And no. Sorry, but you're going to have to ride this one out. I'm hoping to get you changed back before another month goes by, but just in case I can't, I don't want you to have to go through this again."

"Birth control?" Cloud blanched and looked down for a moment. "I—"

"Cloud? What's wrong? If you don't want to take it, I'm not going to force you; I just assumed that you wouldn't want to do this again."

"It's not that."

"Then what?"

Cloud turned and looked at him with wide eyes. "I can get pregnant?"

Sephiroth froze. He absolutely could not tell Cloud about Project S-2 and the purpose behind what had been done to him. "I...assume so."

Cloud began shaking his head slowly from side to side. "No. No, I can't. Sephiroth, no. I—"

"Hey, hey, calm down. Breathe, Cloud. It's physically possible, but you're not going to get pregnant. Come on, you had sex ed., didn't you? Pregnancy doesn't just manifest."

"It doesn't—" Relief flooded Cloud's face. "Right. I knew that. I didn't have sex ed., but I knew that. Just—"

"Panicked." Sephiroth leaned over and ruffled Cloud's hair. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You're not going to get pregnant."

"That's good. I really don't think I could handle that. My mom's favourite pastime was to tell me horror stories about when she was pregnant with me." Cloud snorted suddenly. "Imagine if I did and had to call and tell her the news. Guess what, ma, I'm knocked up!"

Sephiroth forced himself to laugh with Cloud; he had had so little to laugh about lately, but his heart wasn't in it. The joke may have seemed ridiculous to Cloud, but Sephiroth couldn't stop thinking about how it would have been different if he hadn't let his curiosity get the better of him. He very much wanted to think that N hadn't been raped, and that Hojo used artificial insemination like he had suggested to Zack, but somehow he just couldn't see Hojo doing that if the final experiment was going to involve actual intercourse. Even if he had, though, like Zack said, that wouldn't have made it much better. Forcing a pregnancy on someone was just—

"Are you okay?" Cloud asked, wiping a few tears from his eyes.

"I think that's the first time I've ever seen you cry because you were laughing. Yes, I'm okay."

"You just seemed, I dunno, sad or distracted maybe."

"No." Sephiroth shut his eyes and rested his forehead on top of Cloud's head with a sigh. "It was just a random thought. Nothing to worry about. So do you think your mom would be excited about the idea of a little Cloud?" he asked with a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, you guys, I went to Disneyland! Can you guess the first ride I went on? Can you? Can you? Can you? (Hint: It was my first time ever in Disneyland so I had to go on an epic ride.) I also drove in LA and it was the scariest thing ever and I can't believe I survived! There were so many lanes! I get confused on this section of highway between Red Deer and Calgary where there're three southbound lanes. I mean, driving lane, passing lane, what more do you need? Three is madness, but LA has even more lanes than that!
> 
> Um, so this is the smutty chapter. Don't read it at work.

Sephiroth waited in front of Tseng's door, armed with the heating pad and the Project S-2 file. When it finally opened, he held out the heating pad. "Thank you. That helped a lot with my muscle cramps."

"So you're feeling better, then?"

"Yeah, we're hopeful it won't happen again. Have you got a minute?"

Tseng sighed and nodded, opening his door wider. "Would you like a drink?"

"Tea, if it's not too much trouble."

Tseng nodded and gestured for him to go sit down in the living room. "So, did he survive?" he asked from the kitchen.

"Yes. It was...trying. I started him on birth control; if he takes it continually, he shouldn't get a period. He's got his alarm clock set so he doesn't forget."

"That is so fucked up," he heard Tseng mutter as the kettle began to boil.

"It is, isn't it? It seems so pointlessly cruel. I know we've both got to ignore a lot of the stuff this company does, but every once in a while I find there's something I just can't ignore."

"Like forcing a sex-change on an innocent cadet?" Tseng asked as he came in with the tea.

"Like forcing sex-changes on innocent cadets, then raping them until they get pregnant." Sephiroth tossed the file down on the coffee table in front of Tseng. "Just to test it out, of course."

Tseng picked up the file and scanned it while Sephiroth sipped his tea, hoping that Tseng wasn't so jaded that something like that wouldn't affect him. At least he had reason to hope; the heating pad may have seemed like a small gesture to anyone else, but for Tseng to even care that much was significant to Sephiroth.

"You want the materia," Tseng said after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yes. I don't know how I'd be able to change him back without it. At least not without taking years to figure something out."

"Security's tight around the materia vault. You'll need the passcodes, and there are security cameras inside and out."

"I suppose I could just fight my way in and out, then run for it with Cloud. If Hojo gets killed in the confusion, all the better."

Tseng snorted and tossed the file back on the table. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? So, you're leaving Shin-Ra?"

"I'd rather not. This job pays well, and it's really all I'm cut out for. Though I suppose I've developed some skills in dealing with feminine hygiene crises."

"I don't know that there's much call for that." Tseng sighed and appeared to be thinking for a moment. "I'll see what I can do, but if I get caught, you're taking me with you when you break out."

"Will do." Sephiroth picked the file back up and stood. "Thank you."

"I'll let you know. I'll have to monitor their security procedures for a while and get footage for a loop; I don't normally have much to do with the storage area, so I'll need time."

"We've got time. Cloud's still coping as best he can."

"Good. Give him my regards. I don't know what I'd do...and he's just a child. I'll try to arrange something as soon as possible."

***

Sephiroth thought Cloud was still in bed when he came back from Tseng's, but as he tiptoed down the hall, he called out.

"Sephiroth?"

"What is it?" Sephiroth entered Cloud's room and found him sitting up in bed, holding his knees. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I just wondered where you went."

"Sorry, I thought you were sleeping and didn't want to bother you." Sephiroth sat down on the edge of the bed and smoothed back Cloud's hair. "I went to go return that heating pad to Tseng."

"Oh." Cloud shifted until he was hesitantly leaning against Sephiroth, and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Had you wanted me to hang on to it for a while longer?"

"No, I don't need it anymore."

"Okay, I can find out where to buy one if you still do." Sephiroth continued to stroke Cloud's hair and leaned him back on the bed. He was fairly sure that lying next to him like this wasn't appropriate according to Zack, but it felt so right. And Cloud had done really well with doing stuff on his own recently. They both deserved this. "Cloud, I also talked to Tseng a little bit."

"Yeah?"

Sephiroth nodded. "About you. Your...situation." He felt Cloud tense in his arms and quickly shushed him. "He's going to try to help us. I needed someone to take care of the security systems for me, and Tseng's the best person for that."

"Will he—I mean, he's not going to turn me in, is he?"

"No." Sephiroth kissed him chastely on the forehead. "If he was going to, he would have by now. I think he feels sorry for you."

"I guess I am pretty pitiable. Do you know, then? How to change me back?"

"You're not pitiable. He said that he didn't know what he'd do if he were in your shoes, but he's impressed with how well you're doing. I found the name of the materia that was used on you. I should be able to retrieve it from the vault and figure out how to reverse it from there. But, Cloud..."

"Yeah?"

"I told you this because I wanted you to know that I'm working on it. It's still going to be a while. Tseng said he'd need time to study the security systems. So, at least a couple weeks."

Cloud squirmed closer and pressed his face into Sephiroth's chest. "Okay. I can wait."

"Good. That's good. You've been so brave." He didn't want Cloud to expect a miracle the next day, but it was nice to be able to give him some hope. He squeezed Cloud tightly and held him until he fell asleep, then tucked him in and headed to his own room.

***

Sephiroth woke to sounds coming from Cloud's room. It wasn't crying, surprisingly enough, but rather what had sounded like a muffled moan. And there it was again. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Sephiroth rolled out of bed to go see what the problem was. He knew he wasn't supposed to rush to Cloud's side all the time, but it was still hard to leave him alone when he was upset at night. And after their discussion earlier, well...he didn't want to ignore him when he might have been the cause of him getting upset.

Sephiroth opened Cloud's door in time to see him slam a small fist into his pillow. The bedclothes were bunched up all around him, and he jumped when he heard Sephiroth at the door.

"Sorry," Cloud said quietly, "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You know there's no need to apologize, Cloud. What's wrong?" Sephiroth came and sat down on the bed next to him, pulling Cloud into his arms.

"I—it's nothing..."

Sephiroth blinked in the dim light coming from the hall; Cloud's face was awfully red. "Do you have a fever? Are you feeling sick?"

"No, it was just a dream. I'm fine."

"What sort of dream? Was it a nightmare?" Sephiroth held Cloud against him and rubbed his back.

Cloud shook his head. "No...it was a good dream."

"What about?"

"I—I was normal again. I—" Cloud ducked his head, trying to hide his blush. "It was, you know, a _good_ dream."

"I see...You had a sex dream?"

Cloud moaned and grabbed a pillow to cover his face. "Yes," came the muffled answer.

"Don't be embarrassed, Cloud" Sephiroth said, continuing to rub Cloud's back without pause so he'd know he wasn't bothered by it. "Everyone has them. Are you upset because of it?"

"N—no, not really. It's just...it's..."

"Frustrating?" Sephiroth filled in the blanks.

Cloud nodded sadly. "I—I don't—I mean, normally I'd—but I don't know and it's weird and—Can girls even—?"

"I understand, Cloud," Sephiroth said, stroking Cloud's hair. "And yes, they can. You really didn't have sex ed., did you?" He sighed, wondering what else Cloud didn't know. If he didn't know that girls _could_ get off, he certainly wouldn't know _how_. "Do you...do you _want_ to deal with it? Or do you want to just wait it out?"

"I—I want, but..."

Sephiroth sighed. He could do this; he helped Cloud get through everything else. Masturbation was just another natural thing that needed to be dealt with. "Do you want me to talk you through it? I can show you how, if you don't know."

Cloud's head snapped up and he looked at Sephiroth with wide eyes. He didn't respond, however.

"It might be easier for you that way. Just like when you first started showering, remember?" Of course, it had taken quite a long time for Cloud to begin showering on his own, but this would just be a one-time thing. He could hardly expect Cloud to be willing to experiment with his body; he just needed to be shown once.

Cloud slowly nodded. "I—I—Wouldn't it be weird for you?"

"No, Cloud. It doesn't bother me." Sephiroth adjusted Cloud's position in his arms so that Cloud was leaning back against him. "We'll take it nice and slow, all right? And tell me if it's too weird, and you want to stop, or if you want me to go."

"Okay." Cloud sounded nervous, but there was relief in his tone as well.

"Have you touched yourself at all before now?"

"Not except for when I have to in order to wash or something," Cloud answered.

"Okay." He reached up to brush some hair out of Cloud's eyes and paused to stroke his cheek. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "Do you want to try and get it over with quickly? Or would you rather spend some time? Women generally take longer than men to climax, but we can try to just jump to the finish. That could be difficult, though, if you're nervous."

"I..." Cloud shifted nervously in Sephiroth's arms and didn't say anything more.

"Let's just start slowly and see how you feel. Why don't you start by touching your chest?" Sephiroth crept one hand down and slowly pulled up Cloud's shirt, exposing his stomach and the lower half of his ribcage. Cloud had gotten used to the sight of his body by now, and Sephiroth thought he had too, but this situation was a little different from the other times and Sephiroth felt himself begin to harden. He shut his eyes briefly; he needed to focus on the task at hand. Cloud just needed his help. That was all he was doing.

Cloud's hand was trembling as he slowly inched it across his stomach. He hesitated when he got to the hem of his shirt, however.

"It's okay, Cloud. Just like this." Sephiroth laid his left hand over Cloud's and moved them both up underneath the shirt. He used his other hand to pull the tight shirt up the rest of the way, exposing Cloud's breasts so he could see what he was doing and move his hand more easily. He moved Cloud's hand so they were cupping his right breast and squeezed gently before moving it across the soft skin. There was a soft gasp as they brushed across his nipple. "Does it feel good, Cloud?"

"Ye—yeah...it's weird, though."

"I know. Try not to think about how it's weird or different. Just focus on feeling good."

Cloud nodded and caught his breath as Sephiroth manoeuvred Cloud's fingers in a small circle around his areola. He continued his manipulation of Cloud's hand, eliciting small gasps of surprise and occasionally touching Cloud himself, then encouraged him to move over to his other breast. He cupped it with Cloud's hand, then moved his own hand away.

"Try it on your own," he murmured, trying not to let his arousal show in his voice.

Slender fingers cautiously moved over the skin and Cloud began to play on his own, exploring the sensations. He gasped his loudest yet when he gathered the courage to pinch his hardened nipple between two fingers. Sephiroth buried his nose in Cloud's hair, hoping that the scent of his shampoo would distract him from the scent of Cloud himself. He reached out again and laid his hand over Cloud's right this time, then traced their fingers in a light trail across Cloud's abs, causing the muscles to jump a little.

"You're doing great," he whispered as he manoeuvred Cloud's hand along the waistband of his sleep pants, and Cloud paused what he was doing with his left hand. "Are you still okay?"

"Y—yes."

"Are you okay if we take them off?"

"It—that would be easier, wouldn't it?" Cloud's voice trembled, and Sephiroth ran his fingers soothingly through Cloud's hair.

"Quite a bit, but—"

"I'll be okay. I think."

Sephiroth nodded and let go of Cloud's hand to hook his thumbs in the waistband and push the pants down. "Raise your hips a bit," he instructed, leaning forwards so he could reach. Cloud did so and Sephiroth pushed them down as far as he could. Cloud pushed them off the rest of the way, setting them to the side near Sephiroth.

The sight of Cloud nearly-naked and aroused on the bed came close to being too much for Sephiroth's self-restraint and he squeezed his eyes shut, taking several deep breaths and thinking of ordinary, non-sexy things. The upcoming game between the Carp and the Tigers. Everyone said that the Carp were sure to win, but the Tigers had that new pitcher from Wutai that Sephiroth thought might turn the tides. Not that he watched baseball, or cared, but he had seen enough to know that the kid had a unique style and that the Carp's batters would have trouble against him. Any idiot could see that.

The sensation of Cloud shifting against him forced Sephiroth to open his eyes again. Cloud had his legs squeezed together and was looking scared.

"It's okay, Cloud. Nothing you haven't seen before," Sephiroth murmured in Cloud's ear. He reached down and rubbed Cloud's thigh. "Just close your eyes and focus on feeling good. That's it. Good. Now spread your legs a little and bend your knees...good. Just like that. You're doing great."

Sephiroth continued to murmur encouragement as he placed his hand over Cloud's once again and guided it between his thighs. Cloud whimpered softly and then gave a small moan as Sephiroth moved their fingers downwards, then parted his pubic hair and stroked back up across the labia. Cloud was wet and Sephiroth found himself longing to be doing this himself. His fingers slipped as they rubbed between Cloud's labia, spreading the moisture around and, for a moment, he was touching Cloud on his own. It took a great strength of will to move his hand back to where it had been.

He positioned Cloud's hand over his clit and pressed down gently with his middle finger, drawing a few small circles around the bud. Cloud gasped and his hips rocked up inadvertently.

"Is that good?" Sephiroth asked.

"Uh-huh," Cloud moaned as Sephiroth pressed down on Cloud's finger a little more firmly.

"Good," Sephiroth said, "Try touching your chest again."

Cloud moved his free hand up, touching hesitantly, but gradually gaining confidence. Fondling his breasts while Sephiroth manipulated his other hand between his legs soon had Cloud's heart racing; Sephiroth could feel it pounding against his ribcage. Cloud was going to climax like this, Sephiroth was sure. There was no need for anything further. But...he wanted to go further. He allowed his hand to slip off Cloud's and pressed one finger against his slick entrance. He wanted to touch him more, to feel inside...

Cloud was touching himself on his own now, and Sephiroth reluctantly pulled his hand away. "Sephiroth, it feels strange...I think I'm..." Cloud got out the words between gasping breaths.

"Good, keep going," Sephiroth said, not caring how inappropriate it was. He wanted to see Cloud come. "Just keep breathing and stay relaxed."

Cloud let out a strangled moan and Sephiroth didn't bother stopping himself from lifting a hand to gently pinch Cloud's nipples while Cloud raised his hips to meet the sensations. His eyes were screwed shut and his mouth was slightly open as his left hand fell to his side. After a few seconds, Cloud straightened out his legs and squeezed them together with his hand still moving slowly between them, drawing out his orgasm. He rolled over slightly onto his side and pressed his face into Sephiroth's chest as his body jerked and twitched. Eventually, Cloud slowed to a halt and withdrew his hand from between his legs. He lay gasping in Sephiroth's arms while Sephiroth rubbed his back.

"There you go, Cloud. Are you feeling all right?" Sephiroth managed to say with a steady voice.

"I...I think so." Cloud was trembling slightly. "It felt...really weird."

"I know," Sephiroth said as he attempted to soothe the tremors. He pulled the bed sheet over Cloud's waist and tugged his shirt down. He didn't need any more temptations right now. "You handled it really well." He continued to rub Cloud's back until he seemed to calm down and then reached down for the discarded pants. The movement didn't help take his mind off his pressing erection, but he continued to do his best to ignore it. "Do you want to put these back on?" he asked.

"Yeah." Cloud reached for the pyjamas and hastily pulled them on underneath the sheet. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Do you think you're going to be able to get back to sleep?"

"Yeah, I will. I...feel a lot better now," Cloud added quietly, "Thank you."

"It's no problem, Cloud, you know that." Sephiroth leaned down and gave Cloud a chaste kiss on the forehead. "Close your eyes now." He stayed there for quite a while, wanting to make sure that Cloud was really okay, before he went back to his own room.

"Fuck..." Sephiroth shut the door behind him and flopped down on his bed. He had almost given Hojo what he wanted back there. He thought he'd be able to handle anything after the period, but he had been so tempted to fuck Cloud..."You didn't," he said in a whisper, "You didn't give in." But he wanted to so badly.

Sephiroth rolled over onto his back and pushed his sleep pants off. He hadn't crossed the line, but he needed some relief. His erection had gone down, but it only took a few mental images of Cloud splayed out on the bed, of the scent of arousal, and way he felt, before he was ready to go again. He grabbed some lube out of the nightstand and spread it over his erection. He wanted this to last and to feel good. When he finally allowed himself to come, he bit down on his arm to muffle the sound Cloud's name being shouted. 

Gasping, Sephiroth lay back on the bed, absently reaching for some tissues. He hadn't come that hard in a long time. Definitely not by himself, at least. That...that would be wank material for months to come. There was a slight stirring of guilt in the bottom of his gut; Cloud was relying on him for help and he had gotten off on it. And would again, he was certain. And Zack would probably say that Cloud hadn't even needed the help...Gaia, Zack. Zack would serve up his liver with a glass of red wine. He could _never_ find out. And it couldn't happen again; Sephiroth wouldn't allow it. That was a lesson, and there was nothing wrong with teaching Cloud, but now he would have to do it on his own. And it wasn't like he had encouraged Cloud to do it for his own entertainment, or asked for any reciprocation. Once he cleaned himself up, Sephiroth pulled his pants back on just in case Cloud needed him again, then rolled over, trying not to dwell on it any further.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody correctly guessed the ride I went on :( Probably because my very first Disney ride in my entire life was the Davey Fucking Crockett Explorer Canoes and no one would ever guess that. Canoes, yo.
> 
> Anyway, we're on the home stretch. In the interest of not being accused of accidentally cutting the chapter in half, this one is a bit long and the next one is a bit short, but it seemed like a better place to cut it. Enjoy!

Sephiroth showered and dressed before he cautiously poked his head out the bedroom door in the morning. If he was lucky, Cloud would still be asleep and he could go to work and put off the inevitable awkwardness. Cloud's door was depressingly open, however, and as he walked quietly down the hall, he heard the sound of the coffee maker.

Cloud was also dressed, which was unusual for this time of day, and Sephiroth wished he could think of some reason to skip breakfast entirely. He couldn't do that, though, without hurting Cloud's feelings, so he shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed a mug out of the cupboard.

"Morning."

"Good morning. I've got stuff cut up for omelets, if you'd like."

Cloud's voice sounded strained, Sephiroth decided, but he didn't have a clue what to do about it. He probably should have restrained himself last night; Cloud wouldn't have been harmed from not being able to figure it out on his own, but what was done was done. "I'd like that, thanks."

"I—I'm sorry. About last night," Cloud said quietly as he broke eggs into a bowl.

"No, Cloud, don't say that. If anyone should be sorry it should be me." Even though he wasn't. He knew he ought to be, but despite the current awkwardness, and the fact that Zack would kill him if he ever found out, he didn't regret it.

Cloud cooked in silence after that, and Sephiroth found himself with little appetite while Cloud merely picked at his food.

"Cloud," Sephiroth finally said, "how about we just forget it ever happened? Things can go back to exactly how they were, unless you're uncomfortable with that, and we'll just never speak of it again." He didn't want to forget, and he definitely didn't want to pretend it never happened, but he hated seeing Cloud so upset.

"Sephiroth," Cloud started, then dropped his hands to his lap and stared at them.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Let's just forget it, like you said." Cloud stood and began gathering up the dishes. "You're going to be late for work."

"All right. I'm not going to mention it, but if you need or want to talk about it, tell me. I'm not going to be upset."

"'Kay." Cloud turned away and didn't say anything more while Sephiroth got ready to leave. Sephiroth struggled for a few moments to come up with something else he could say, but gave it up and left without saying anything.

***

"Fair, I need you to come to my apartment," Sephiroth said as he passed Zack, hurrying through the halls like the piece of paper in his hand was about to explode and he needed to get it carefully out of range.

"Sure thing, boss. Crisis?" Zack hopped up and began following him.

"I'll explain when we get there."

When they reached the apartment, they managed to startle Cloud, who had been lying on the couch in a set of workout clothes. He ran back to his room and came out zipping up a hoodie over his short binder. 

"Is everything okay?" Cloud asked. 

"It's fine, Cloud. Don't worry. Were you exercising?"

"Yeah. I'd just finished." Cloud shuffled closer to him, and Sephiroth laid a hand on the small of his back. He had been acting a bit strangely the past couple weeks, always standing closer than strictly necessary, and seemingly looking for physical contact. Sephiroth didn't mind, however. If anything, it made him wonder if Cloud was hoping for a repeat of the masturbation lesson. It was getting harder and harder to not make some sort of move, but he really didn't think that Cloud was prepared to handle sex in his current body. It felt like he would be taking advantage if he acted on his current feelings, especially since he hadn't had an opportunity to really figure out what those feelings were. He liked taking care of Cloud, and was attracted to him, but he wasn't sure what other feelings that entailed.

"That's good. I'm glad you've been using that. Zack, I've got the passcodes I need to get into the materia vault, and Tseng will take care of the other security measures for me for a few minutes. I need you to stay with him, but be prepared to run if things go badly. There's a place in the slums you can go." Sephiroth handed him the piece of paper with an address written on it. "It belongs to Rufus; Tseng says it's safe, but if I don't meet up with you within an hour, take him somewhere else, out of the city if you have to. I'll either find you again or I won't, but I want you to protect him."

"Got it. He'll be safe with me."

"Sephiroth, are you—" Cloud began speaking, but Sephiroth cut him off.

"It's going to be fine, Cloud. This is just a precaution."

"If—When you change me back, what—"

"Don't worry about that for now." Sephiroth bent and kissed Cloud on the forehead, cradling his head gently. "We'll work it all out; I'm not going to do anything to you before you're ready, understood?"

"Yeah. Good luck."

"Thank you." Sephiroth resisted the urge to kiss him again; Zack was already looking daggers at him for the first one. "If there's any sign of trouble, you need to go with Zack. Don't worry about me; I can handle anything Hojo throws at me. And that's only if I get caught."

"Okay." Cloud suddenly lunged and hugged him tightly. "Don't get caught."

"I won't." Sephiroth pried Cloud off of him and passed him over to Zack. "I'll be back shortly."

He left before Zack could say anything and wondered if Cloud would be getting a lecture on inappropriate behaviour too. He returned to the main building and took the elevator to the 59th floor, then crossed to the second set of elevators just as he felt his PHS buzz in his pocket. The message simply read "elevator clear." He glanced at the back of the keycard that Tseng had acquired for him so he wouldn't have to use his own and snorted. Mayor Domino had a rough enough time as it was, and apparently it was going to get rougher. Shrugging, he swiped the card and hit the button for the 63rd floor.

The two guards on duty were unprepared for Sephiroth to immediately hit them with Sleep, and they went down easily before they had a chance to turn around and see him. The rest of the security system, according to Tseng, was entirely automated. He went north and then west, following the map that Tseng had given him, and punched in the first code in the door he came to. To his great relief, the light on it flashed green and it slid open. The second door on the left opened with the next code, but the one after that remained stubbornly red.

Not wanting to waste time trying an incorrect code repeatedly, Sephiroth sent a message to Tseng. The, "Shit. Wait," he got back was not encouraging. He waited anxiously for what felt like hours, though it was probably only a minute at the most, before he got another message. "Unlocked door to the north. Enter room and climb up air vent. You should fit. Go south as far as you can. Should take you to room in SW corner. Unlocked door to the east. Go through. Locked doors north, south, and east. East door leads to materia vault. Will double check on code, but think the one you have should work."

"Fucking air vents," Sephiroth muttered to himself as he turned around and found the door Tseng was talking about. He had to leave Masamune at the entrance to the air vent, but he had brought a long knife just in case and got it out. The vent was cramped, and he was certain he was making enough noise to alert the entire building, but he made it to the other end and gracefully rolled out in a cloud of dust. "Unlocked door to the east..."

He got his bearings and tried the only door in the room, which opened into an extremely short hall with three additional doors. The one straight ahead had to lead to the vault. Sending out a small prayer to whatever gods happened to be listening, he punched in the code and breathed a sigh of relief when the door slid open.

The vault was dimly lit with strip lighting along the floor and the faint glow of materia, but Sephiroth didn't bother looking for a light switch. He could see just fine and didn't want to draw any more attention than necessary. He listened carefully for a moment, then, after hearing nothing, set off between the narrow stacks, looking for the materia labelled GS-M.

He found it on the bottom shelf of the Mastered-Experimental section; Sephiroth pondered it as he picked up the little green ball. For such a tiny thing, it had caused so much pain. He replaced it with a nearly identical looking one from the selection that he had brought with him in the hopes that it would delay finding out what had been taken.

His PHS buzzing again caused him to jump, and Sephiroth hastily shoved the materia in his pocket. "On my way out," was his reply to Tseng's demand to know where he was. He hurried back to the room with the vent and hoisted himself up, retracing his steps through the area and grabbing Masamune on his way out. He sent Tseng an update once he got in the elevator, and again when he was in the regular elevator heading for the ground floor.

"No alerts have been triggered yet. I think you're clear. Lie low at your place for a while, and I'll keep an eye on things."

***

He caught a glimpse of Cloud sitting bolt upright on the couch with a mug clutched in both his hands when he opened the door, but Cloud dropped it and was rushing over to him a fraction of a second later.

"You're back! Are you okay? I was worried." Cloud gripped him tightly around the waist and Sephiroth carefully manoeuvred him all the way through the door so he could close it.

"I'm fine, Cloud. It's okay. I got the materia, and so far I'm in the clear." Sephiroth picked him up and held his shaking body tightly. He hadn't expected Cloud to be so afraid; he wondered if it was _him_ Cloud was worried about, or his chances for being changed back. Although...Cloud hadn't asked about the materia...

"I told you he'd be fine," Zack said as he picked up the dropped mug. "When you put Sephiroth and Tseng on a team, there's not much that can go wrong. So, you're probably going to need some time to study that thing and figure out how to reverse it. Want me to keep Cloud out of your hair? My roommate's gone for a few days, so he can hang with me."

Sephiroth started back and reflexively tightened his hold on Cloud. "No. He's fine here." Cloud wasn't a child who would bother him while he was trying to work; he didn't need a babysitter. But Zack was looking at him disapprovingly again. He sighed and set Cloud down. "It is going to take me a day or two. I want to make sure that it's safe before I start testing it out on you."

Cloud nodded. "I understand. I can wait."

"Good, thank you."

"And I'd rather wait here," he added. "All my stuff's here. It'd be a pain to move it just for a couple days."

***

Sephiroth took a break from staring at the materia—really, staring at it more than he already had been wasn't going to help—and laid his eyes on Cloud instead. He was curled up on the couch, eating popcorn and watching a new movie. It had taken a while to realize, but Sephiroth didn't want Cloud to leave when he was changed back. He had grown used to the constant presence of another person, and the thought of being alone again was rather depressing. Besides, if Cloud left, that dismissed the possibility of furthering their relationship, and he had come to the conclusion that that was something he wanted to do. It definitely wouldn't work if Cloud reenlisted with Shin-Ra. There were far too many regulations about things like that to be worth it.

He didn't think Cloud would reenlist, though. He had said right from the start that he didn't want to work for the company that had done this to him. That, of course, left the question of what Cloud would want to do. Maybe he wouldn't want to do anything. Sephiroth rather liked that idea. Zack would probably disapprove, but Sephiroth enjoyed the fact that Cloud was entirely dependent on him. In fact—Sephiroth rolled the materia around in his palms—he had complete control over Cloud's life. If Zack hadn't been aware of Cloud's presence, chances were good that no one would have noticed or cared about what had happened to him. Not that he would harm him, or do anything other than care for him, of course; he would never hurt Cloud, but it was nice having that much power over one person. Just like a puppet.

Changing Cloud back would mean giving up a lot of that power, he realized. Did he really want to do that? He could tell Cloud that he couldn't figure the materia out, or that it wasn't possible to use it to reverse the effect. Cloud would get used to it, in time. Things would stop being so difficult for him; he may even grow comfortable enough to be willing to have sex...Sephiroth shook his head. He couldn't do that; it would be as cruel as what Hojo did to him in the first place. Cloud would never forgive him if he found out the truth. Still, if he could keep Cloud here, that would let him maintain some of his control. That would be for the best; he would still need protection from Shin-Ra once he was changed back, after all.

He continued to watch Cloud until the movie finished, then moved over to the couch beside him.

"Hey," he said softly, "can we talk?"

"Um, sure." Cloud shut off the TV and drew his knees up to his chest nervously.

"It's nothing bad." Sephiroth slid closer and touched Cloud's shoulder. "I think I've done pretty much all I can do to figure out the materia. It'll either work, or it won't, but I don't think it will hurt you if it doesn't."

Cloud's eyes lit up as he smiled. "Really?"

"Really. So I wanted to talk to you about what you want to do. After you've been changed back, that is."

"Um, I don't—I don't really know. I guess I'll look for a job. I've still got some money in the bank from before all this—you never made me pay for anything—so I can look for a place..."

"That would work, if you want. Or, I was thinking that maybe you could stay here. Hojo is still out there, so you'd be in danger on your own, but even after he's dead..."

"Won't you mind?"

Sephiroth smiled. "No, I've grown quite used to having you here. I'd miss you if you weren't around all the time."

Cloud nodded, smiling slightly. "I'll get a job and help you out with the rent and stuff."

"You don't have to; it's not like I'm struggling to make payments, and you could use some time to recover. I know these past couple months have been an ordeal. A bit of rest would be good for you, I think."

Cloud frowned momentarily, but nodded slowly. Sephiroth could almost see him processing it. "I—I was wondering...what I'd do. If I didn't have to find something right away, that would be good, I think."

"Of course it would. You've been practically locked up for two months. Getting back out there will take time. You know I'll be there to support you." Sephiroth carded his fingers through Cloud's hair and pulled him close. "I'll be there for you."

"Thanks." Cloud pressed his face into Sephiroth's shoulder, and he held him there for several moments. "So, um, when do you think...?"

He let go of Cloud's head so his voice wouldn't be quite so muffled. "Tomorrow. I want to think on it overnight to make sure I haven't overlooked anything important, then there are a couple errands I've got to run in the morning. When I get back."

"'Kay. Quick errands?"

"Quick errands," Sephiroth assured him.

"Hey, you never told me what happened after you took the materia. Is everyone searching for it?"

Sephiroth laughed, "No, the guards didn't report that they fell asleep on the job."

Cloud gaped at him. "Really? So they don't know about..."

"Tseng wants to fire them, but I think he's decided to wait a while on that. Knowing him, he's probably scouring their records as we speak, looking for another reason to get them fired."

"But...they helped, I mean, they didn't mean to, but..."

"But they didn't report a security breach," Sephiroth said, ruffling Cloud's hair. "That can't be tolerated, even if we were the breach."

"Gaia, you guys are assholes. You magicked them, broke into their station, and now you're going to fire them for it?" Cloud shook his head in disbelief.

" _I'm_ not going to," Sephiroth protested. "Think of it as a test that they failed. Shin-Ra can't have people like that working security for them."

***

Sephiroth set his shopping bags inside the door, then poked his head into the living room to see if Cloud was there. He wasn't, but he heard the sounds of the stationary bike in the exercise room.

"Good morning," Sephiroth said when he opened the door.

"Oh! You're back!" Cloud stopped pedalling and stumbled in his haste to get off the bike. "Did you do everything you needed to? Are you ready to—I mean, will you? Did you think about what you needed to think about?"

"Calm down, I'm ready," Sephiroth said. It really would be cruel to put it off any longer. Cloud would still be Cloud with a male body. At least, that's what he had told himself. "I didn't think that you'd be exercising this morning."

"I needed _something_ to do while I waited. It was like that weird feeling you get in your stomach when you're waiting for your birthday party. Half sick, half feeling like you're going to explode, maybe a little bit of wanting to scream sprinkled on top. Besides," Cloud grinned, "last chance to wear a sports bra. Who would pass that up?"

Sephiroth glanced down at the binder Cloud was wearing. "Who indeed? What could be more fun than working out while compressing your lungs? Can you even move in that?"

Cloud rolled his eyes. "It's not that tight. And I wear the short ones specifically for working out so I can breathe and move easier."

Sephiroth frowned, but decided not to argue about the obvious lie; there wouldn't be a reason to wear them soon enough. "Take it off."

Cloud turned bright pink at his words, and his mouth fell open.

"I mean go get changed. I bought you some new clothes; they're by the door. You don't want to be wearing that binder when I change you back."

"Right. That would hurt. New clothes?"

"Men's clothes. You've grown a little bit since you first came, so I assume you'll be bigger than what your file said you were. I wanted to make sure you had stuff that would fit."

"Oh. Thanks, I hadn't even thought about that."

"You're welcome. So, go get changed, and I'll grab the materia."

Cloud ran off, made a short stop at the door to grab the bags, then disappeared into his room. Sephiroth took the materia out of the safe where he had stored it, and placed it into his bracer. He had just gotten it placed when Cloud came out again, dressed in clothes that were a fair bit too big for him, but would hopefully fit soon.

"I'm ready." Cloud was practically vibrating; Sephiroth could feel his excitement from across the room.

"Okay, maybe..." Sephiroth paused; he wasn't quite sure how to go about this. "Do you want to be lying down? Hojo probably had you on an exam table."

Cloud nodded. "I was strapped down."

"Well, I'm not going to strap you down, but if you fall or lose consciousness, I don't want you hurting yourself."

Cloud nodded again, suddenly looking nervous. "On the couch?"

"That will be fine, I think. Do you remember if it was painful?"

"I—I remember screaming. I don't remember if it was because it hurt or if I was just scared, though." Cloud sat on the couch and clutched his hands together.

"Okay, it's okay." Sephiroth sat down next to Cloud and rubbed his back. "Do you want me to Sleep you? You weren't in pain when I found you, so if just the change while it's happening is painful, it might be best if you sleep through it."

"Can you do that?" Cloud looked immensely relieved at the thought of not having to be awake.

"Sure, spells don't wake up someone who's under a magical sleep, so it will work. Just give me a moment to go get it." Sephiroth went back to his safe and took out his Seal materia. It would be better that way, he thought. Even if it didn't hurt, it would almost certainly be an unpleasant sensation. It would be far easier for Cloud to just wake up when it was done.

When he came back into the living room, Cloud was lying on the couch with his head propped up on a pillow. He was back to looking more excited than nervous, which was a relief.

"Am I okay like this?" he asked.

"That should be fine. I'm going to sit next to you, so shuffle over just a little. There." Sephiroth sat down half on and half off the couch. "I honestly don't know what the change will be like; I can't imagine that you'd flail around or anything, but I'd like to be close so I can hold you down, just in case."

Cloud nodded his understanding and reached for his hand. "Thank you for doing this."

"I told you I would, didn't I? Though I wouldn't blame you if you were starting to doubt it. I'm sorry I made you wait so long."

Cloud shook his head. "No, you got it as fast as you could. I didn't doubt."

Sephiroth smiled and squeezed his hand tightly before letting go and preparing to cast. "Ready?"

"Ready."

"Sleepel."

Cloud's head dropped immediately as his muscles relaxed and his eyes slid shut.

"Cloud?" Sephiroth reached out and touched Cloud's face to check that he was fully asleep. "Well," he said to Cloud's unconscious body, "I guess this is it." He stroked Cloud's cheek gently, wondering if this was the last time he'd ever be able to do so. His eyes shifted downwards; Cloud wasn't wearing a binder, or even a bra underneath his shirt and his breasts stood out in a way that Cloud had never allowed before. Would it be wrong to touch them one last time?

"Zack's right, you are a pervert," he said to himself. Some of it could be blamed on his upbringing, but he knew full well that molesting someone while they were unconscious was wrong. "And that _would_ be molestation," he said it out loud, just to drive the point home. He wouldn't molest Cloud.

He brought his eyes back up to Cloud's face and reached inside himself to find the core of his magic. He didn't know what, if any words he should use to cast the spell, so he had to use his baser magic power to call on the knowledge of the ancients.

The magic flowed from his fingers, a strange green light the likes of which Sephiroth had never seen before. It spread over his target until Cloud was completely enveloped in the weird, shifting light. It grew brighter, so bright that Sephiroth was forced to look away, but when he glanced back through squinted eyes, he could tell that Cloud's body was changing. His shoulders widened, his chest grew flatter, and his hips became less pronounced.

When the light finally faded, he found himself looking at the physically male version of Cloud. His face still had the same qualities that Sephiroth liked about it, but his features were slightly squarer and more masculine. The change wasn't harsh, however. There was still a touch of androgyny to him. He ran his hand over Cloud's shoulder and arm, feeling the differences there. Again, it wasn't huge; Cloud would probably never be a stereotypical example of masculinity, but Sephiroth quite liked it. His chest was smooth except for the bumps caused by his ribcage and some muscles. He paused in his exploration of Cloud's body with a sudden realization: this probably wasn't the most appropriate thing, either.

"I suppose you'll want to check out further south on your own," he said, feeling slightly disappointed. "Wake up." He pinched Cloud's arm hard enough to leave a bruise, and Cloud sat up with a yelp.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, it had to hurt to wake you up. But it worked, as far as I can tell."

Cloud scrambled up, shoving Sephiroth out of the way. He ran, stumbling, to the bathroom and smacked the light switch. "I can't—It really—"

Sephiroth followed Cloud to the bathroom where he found him staring in the mirror and touching himself all over. "Everything back the way it should be?"

Cloud nodded feverishly and ran for Sephiroth, practically tackling him with his hug and squeezing like he'd never let go. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you."

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to thank me." Sephiroth hugged him back, feeling confident that he had made the right decision. He wouldn't lose Cloud, and even if he did, it would be worth it to have made him this happy.

"I'm me again. I'm me."

Sephiroth saw Cloud blinking away tears when he looked in the mirror again, unable to keep his eyes off his reflection for long, it seemed. "You were always you, you just match a little better now."

Cloud laughed and nodded. "Yeah. I match."

"Want me to give you some time alone to get reacquainted with yourself? You seem enamoured."

Cloud laughed so hard that he snorted. "I—well, I'm not saying the thought didn't cross my mind last night, but I'm good for now. Though a few minutes alone would be nice. I just want to see."

"Of course. I'll just go listen to some loud music, so take as much time as you need."

"Sephiroth!"

Sephiroth simply laughed and left, shutting the door behind him. It really was only a couple minutes before Cloud came out again, still beaming.

"Can...can we go out? For lunch or a walk or anything, really. Just outside."

Sephiroth thought for a moment; he hadn't imagined that Cloud would want to leave the apartment so quickly. It might not be as easy as he had thought to keep him. But he had asked for permission and wanted them to go together, so that was all right. "Yes," he answered, "we can go out, but we still need to be careful. If Hojo sees you, he'll most certainly recognize you."

Cloud's face fell. "Right, I understand. If it's too dangerous, it's okay. I just thought it would be nice to go outside."

"No, we'll go." Sephiroth didn't like the disappointed look on Cloud's face. Of course he would want to go outside after all this time. "I just wanted you to know that we need to be careful. Lunch and a walk?"

Cloud's face lit up again as he nodded. "I'll be careful and do whatever you say."

"Good, that's all I wanted. Give me a minute to put the materia away, then we'll go out." Sephiroth took the materia out of his bracer and returned it to his safe. "I hope you don't mind the stairs," he called.

Cloud laughed, "No, not at all!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking air vents. Sephiroth should have grabbed some coupons while he was crawling around in there.
> 
> p.s. Does anyone have any Escaflowne fic recs?


	11. Chapter 11

Sephiroth stared around the silent apartment with a frown. The lock hadn't been tampered with, and there was no sign of a struggle, so where was Cloud? He called Cloud's PHS, and it went immediately to voicemail.

"Cloud, it's Sephiroth. Where are you? Call me as soon as you get this." He hung up and tried Zack's number, which also went straight to voicemail. He hung up without leaving a message and pondered the situation.

Cloud had apparently gone out and turned off his phone. Zack had the afternoon off, and his phone was also off. They were friends, so it was possible that they were together, but he couldn't rule out interference from Hojo. Sighing, he put his boots back on and went to make sure.

The lab was quiet, with the only noise coming from the humming of a few machines. A few assistants were cleaning up the day's experiments, and they jumped when Sephiroth approached.

"What can we do for you, sir? Professor Hojo isn't here."

"Has he left for the evening?" Sephiroth asked.

"No, sir. He's gone for the week. Had to take a trip out to one of his remote experiments. He'll be back in two days."

"I see." It was highly unlikely that Cloud's disappearance had anything to do with Hojo, in that case, but he decided to look anyway. "I believe I left some papers here the last time I was in. Do you mind if I take a look around for them?"

"Go ahead, though if it's been a while, they've probably been destroyed."

"Understood." Sephiroth dismissed the workers with a wave of his hand. "I'll just take a quick look."

He quickly pretended to look through the main lab area, and then made his way over to the sample containment area. Most of the cells were empty, and the only remotely interesting one held a strange lion-like creature that looked at him with surprising intelligence. He stared at it for a few moments before moving on. One rescued creature from the lab was plenty. 

When he had determined that Cloud wasn't anywhere in the lab, he checked Zack's apartment, and upon finding it locked and apparently vacant, returned to his own. Cloud still wasn't there, so he tried calling again and left another message, then settled in to wait.

"And when he punched the guy, and he went flying through the wall? So cool!" The alarm beeped and Sephiroth heard Cloud's footsteps in the entryway.

"I know! But the car chase was the best scene, you've got to admit." It didn't sound like Zack had actually entered the apartment.

"Yeah, it was pretty awesome. Hey, thanks for taking me with you."

"No problem, Spiky. You don't get out enough, you know. You need to start living a little."

Cloud laughed. "Yeah, I know, it's just..."

"Just what?"

"Nothing. Have a good night."

"You too. Say hi to Sephiroth for me."

"Will do."

Sephiroth heard the door close and waited impatiently for Cloud to get his shoes off and come in.

"Holy—" Cloud came around the corner and jumped. "Sephiroth? Shit, you scared me! Why didn't you say anything? And what are you doing sitting in the dark like that?"

"I was waiting for you, Cloud," Sephiroth said in a level tone. "Where have you been?"

"Zack took me out. We went to a movie and grabbed some dinner. I've got leftover fries, want some?" He held out a cardboard container and smiled.

"No, Cloud, I don't want fries. I want to know why you didn't tell me you were going out, and why you didn't return any of my calls. I was worried about you."

"Your calls? Oh shit! I never turned my PHS back on." Cloud rummaged through his pockets and pulled out his PHS, pressing the button on the top. "I had to turn it off in the theatre, see?"

"I had to go up to the lab," Sephiroth said, and Cloud paused, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"The lab?"

"To look for you. I had no idea where you had gone. I thought Hojo might have found you."

"Shit...Sephiroth, I'm so sorry. I didn't think. I—Zack just came by and said we should go—I'm so sorry. I should have left you a note." Cloud hurried over to his side and sat down on the edge of the couch, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"You should have called me. Zack probably didn't even check on Hojo's location before taking you out. It was incredibly selfish and stupid. Do you want to end up in the lab again?"

"No! No. I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"I could have lost you, Cloud," Sephiroth softened his tone and reached out to touch Cloud's cheek. "I couldn't stand that."

"I know," Cloud said softly, leaning into his touch. "I couldn't either."

"Please don't go out again without telling me first. Zack..." Zack interfered far too much. "Zack just doesn't understand how careful you need to be."

"I won't, I promise."

Sephiroth continued to stroke Cloud's cheek, happy to have him back where he belonged. He had been taking care of Cloud for months now; he was everything to him. He couldn't risk letting him get hurt or taken by Hojo again. If Zack had decided that he could just take Cloud out whenever he wanted...that was unacceptable. He would perhaps have to start limiting the amount of time Cloud spent with Zack. It wasn't worth the risk. Cloud was his most precious thing, after all.

***

"Sephiroth?" Cloud said quietly, as though he were hesitant about interrupting.

"What is it?" He leaned back in his chair, looking away from the report he had to finish. He could use a break.

"I—" Cloud came further into the office and curled up in his favourite reading chair. He held his knees in a position that seemed to Sephiroth like it was meant to protect his vital organs from harm. Sephiroth frowned at the odd behaviour, but waited for Cloud to continue. "I got a job. At the chocobo stable on the outskirts of Sector Four."

"What?" Sephiroth had heard correctly, he was certain, but surely Cloud didn't mean that he had gone behind his back and left the apartment without permission.

"Zack—he took me this afternoon. He said—" Cloud paled and looked away from him.

"He said?" Sephiroth prompted, adding a layer of ice to his voice that he had, up until now, avoided using with Cloud. He had given Zack a mission for the afternoon. Could he have traded it with someone else in order to see Cloud without Sephiroth around?

Oddly enough, the threatening tone didn't work. If anything, it made Cloud sit up straighter, and he looked him in the eyes. "He said he'd take me down there and pick me up from my shifts. It's just part time, but I'm going crazy stuck in this damn apartment all day."

"You're stuck here for a reason, Cloud," Sephiroth attempted to be patient while he explained, yet again. "I thought you understood that. It's not safe."

"Bullshit!" Cloud slammed a small fist into the arm of the chair. "Zack said it'd be fine. Tseng said Hojo's not looking for me anymore, and he doubts he'd even recognize me if he were. You keep holding Hojo over my head like some sort of bogeyman, and sorry, but I'm beginning to not give a shit about the monsters under the bed. What's the point if my entire life consists of an apartment and occasional walks with my owner? I'm not your fucking pet!"

"Pet?" Sephiroth balked at the descriptor. "I don't think of you that way." He cared for Cloud and provided for him, but he didn't consider him a _pet_.

"I just..." Cloud sighed tiredly, like his outburst had taken all his energy. "It's been two months since you changed me back, but nothing's changed. I thought I'd get my life back with my body."

"Cloud..." Sephiroth crossed over to the chair and knelt in front of it, cupping Cloud's face in his hand. He leaned in and kissed Cloud softly on the lips, prompting a startled, slightly frightened noise, but he held him there and continued to kiss him until he relaxed.

"I—I thought you—I know when I was a girl—" Cloud stammered when Sephiroth finally pulled back slightly.

"I liked _you_ , Cloud. And I still do. Though it might be best if you didn't mention anything to Zack. You'll be happy at this job you've found?"

Cloud nodded, looking slightly dazed.

"Then I'm happy for you. I'll do my best to keep you safe while you're out, and I'm sure Zack won't mind helping."

"You mean...I can?"

"Of course you can." Sephiroth kissed him again and brushed some hair out of his face. This was just a small concession—Cloud wasn't leaving him. He simply had to learn what the appropriate amount of slack was to prevent Cloud from getting restless. If he balanced it correctly, Cloud would never even know. "I just want you to be happy."

"Thank you."

Sephiroth inched his way onto the chair, encouraging Cloud onto his lap bit by bit as he continued to kiss him and let his hands explore. He was careful not to push too much, however. Cloud would be completely his in time, and Sephiroth was willing to wait until he came to him. It seemed to please Cloud to be able to make his own decisions.

***

Sephiroth tapped his foot on the floor as the helicopter made its painfully slow approach to Midgar. Cloud's first shift at the stable had been today, but Sephiroth had been called out on a mission at the last minute. It infuriated him that he hadn't been able to at least accompany Cloud to and from. He had known from the moment he opened his mouth that attempting to convince Cloud to postpone until he got back was out of the question. Instead, he had been forced to rely on Zack to see him there and back safely. 

When they finally landed, Sephiroth ignored the office completely and went straight home. Cloud had agreed to return immediately with Zack—no going out for dinner or dawdling in the slums—so he was going to be waiting for him. He resisted the temptation to call while he made his way to the apartment building. The last thing he wanted was for Cloud to feel like he was checking up on or smothering him.

The shower was on when he let himself into the apartment—that was a bit of a disappointment, but he supposed that if Cloud had been working hard all day, he'd want to freshen up. And he could smell something in the oven. He took a peek and discovered a roast and potatoes cooking. There was still plenty of time left on the timer, so when he heard the shower shut off, he went and knocked on the bathroom door.

Cloud yelped and hastily wrapped a towel around his waist—Sephiroth hadn't given him a chance to answer before opening the door and he caught a nice glimpse before Cloud hid himself behind the towel.

"Se—Sephiroth! Shit, give me a heart attack, why don't you?"

"Sorry," Sephiroth said with a smirk. "Just wanted to let you know that I'm home. How was your first day on the job?"

"Really great, but, uh...can I put some clothes on first?" Cloud was beet red and seemed entirely unwilling to move his towel, even though his hair was dripping all over the floor.

"If you insist." Sephiroth took a couple steps forward and caught Cloud's chin. He stroked his thumb over the damp skin on his face before kissing him passionately. He grinned when Cloud tried to follow him when he pulled away. "Clothes, remember? Unless you've decided you don't need them."

Cloud yelped and grabbed at his towel, which had dropped dangerously low. "I'll be right out. Dinner's in the oven. Will you set the table?"

"Of course."

Sephiroth was just finishing slicing the roast out when Cloud emerged from his room, fully clothed. "Cloud, I wanted to apologize to you."

Cloud stopped and stared at him. "Oh? For what?"

"For not realizing sooner that you needed something like this. I should have known that you wouldn't be happy sitting around all day doing nothing. I let my concerns for your safety override your happiness."

"No," Cloud said as he took the dishes over to the table and sat down. "You were worried about me. Are worried about me. I just got so frustrated. I didn't mean to—I mean, you've done so much to help me. I don't want you to think that I'm ungrateful."

"I know you're not." Sephiroth gave Cloud's shoulder a squeeze before sitting down. "And you were right; you need to go out and live your life. I'm going to see what can be done about Hojo, but in the meantime, I'll just have to do my best to look out for you, okay?"

Cloud smiled brightly and nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

Sephiroth smiled in return and passed the potatoes over to Cloud. That would do nicely. Cloud was happy again, and Sephiroth was back in his good books.

***

"Good news, Cloud," Sephiroth said as he slammed the door and began pulling off his boots.

"What is it?" Cloud came out of the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's waist.

Sephiroth spent a moment kissing Cloud before he finished getting his things off. The change in Cloud's attitude towards him over the past few weeks since he had begun working was remarkable; he had been right in thinking that he just needed to work out the right balance. "Hojo has scheduled a test for me in the training room in three weeks, and he'll be there to observe in person."

"That's good news?"

"It is for us. He's testing my combat abilities. Unfortunately, the training room's been seeing a lot of use lately. People get slammed into the viewing panes all the time, and the glass is probably quite weak. There could be an accident."

Cloud's face lit up as he processed the information. "You mean—?"

"It would be most unfortunate if that glass were to break while Hojo is standing on the other side of it," Sephiroth said with a grin. "He could get hurt...even killed."

Cloud laughed and hugged him tightly, but Sephiroth tilted his head up for a kiss.

"Supper can wait a while, right?" Sephiroth asked when he pulled away. At Cloud's nod, he kissed him deeply again and began working Cloud's shirt off. For news like this, he thought as he trailed his hands over Cloud's chest and plucked at his hardened nipples, he deserved a show of appreciation. Cloud would give it to him.

***

He trailed his hand over Cloud's nude form as he lay resting against him, taking in the smooth skin that he had held off from touching for so long. "Sleep here tonight, okay?"

Cloud's eyes opened, blinking in the soft light. "I can stay?"

"You've always been welcome in my bed, Cloud."

"Oh..." Cloud blushed and shifted slightly closer.

Satisfied that Cloud wasn't going anywhere, at least not tonight, Sephiroth changed the subject. "Zack and I are being sent on a mission that will take the next two weeks."

"You're going away?"

"Tseng is arranging for a fake ID and transportation for you. Civilians often use Shin-Ra ships, and then once we're in Costa del Sol it will be easier to just have you travel with us. He says he doesn't have time to watch over you while I'm gone, but truth be told, I'd rather have you with me." Sephiroth rubbed his thumb over Cloud's lower lip and pressed it into his mouth slightly, letting Cloud suck on the tip. "Do you mind coming with me?"

"No," Cloud whispered. "I—I'll tell them at the stable. Two weeks?"

"Yes. We'll be back in plenty of time for my session with Hojo."

"Where are we going?"

"Your hometown."

***

"Cloud? Cloud, is that you? What's wrong?"

His head bobbed and the motion made his stomach turn. He tightened his grip on the thing in his hand and looked around for the source of the voice, willing his stomach to settle. Green clouded his vision for a moment and he shut his eyes again.

"Cloud? Are you okay?"

He forced his eyes open and blinked in the harsh light. A woman's face came into focus. She was standing over him, looking concerned. Cloud...his name was Cloud. He turned and looked at what was in his hand. A sword. A big sword, like what a SOLDIER would use. That was right. His name was Cloud, and he was a SOLDIER.

"Come with me, Cloud." The woman pulled him to his feet and supported him as he staggered a few steps. "Can you walk? Here, lean against me. I can't believe you're here after all this time. What happened to you?"

"Sephiroth..." Cloud mumbled. Where was Sephiroth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: He went to see his mother.
> 
> There's a smutty scene that I cut out (with girl parts Cloud) that I'll post at some point. Probably after I move and have internet again. Thank you for reading!


	12. deleted scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, so much hate for the last chapter :( I agree it was rushed, but surely you all know by now that I suck at endings. (And I did warn that it wasn't a happy fic.) I might fix it someday, I might not. Until then, I suggest doing what I do when authors disappoint me and pretend it doesn't exist.
> 
> So this "chapter" is a deleted scene that got deleted because there was no way Cloud would have gone for it, but it was fun to write anyway. It's smutty smut with girl parts Cloud. Beware.

Sephiroth's eyes flew open at the sound of a door creaking and he tensed, preparing to move at the first sign of a threat.

"Sephiroth?"

Cloud's voice instantly calmed him, and he sat up. "What is it? You can come in."

Cloud crept quietly into the room, as though he were still trying not to disturb him, which Sephiroth found oddly sweet. He patted the bed next to him and held up the covers for Cloud to crawl under. It was a bit chilly, after all.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Cloud said, blushing, "I was just—I know you meant it just to show me how, but do you think—"

"Do I think what, Cloud?" Sephiroth was certain he knew where Cloud was going with this—he could smell it—and he stroked Cloud's hair and pulled him a bit closer.

"Touching... It's still—it's still scary. On my own. If you could just—"

"Do you want me to help you again?" Sephiroth ran his hand down Cloud's side, his fingers brushing over the small bump that marked Cloud's breast under his binder.

"Y—yes. If—if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't. I know it's frightening." He slowly rolled Cloud so he was lying on his back and brushed the pad of his thumb over his lips. "Was it too much for you last time? Would you rather I just..." His sentence trailed off as he traced his finger along his jaw line.

"Please..." Cloud moved into his touch and didn't even flinch when Sephiroth lifted his top shirt. He raised his arms for Sephiroth to pull it over his head, and the shirt landed in a heap towards the foot of the bed.

"Don't be scared. If you're uncomfortable with anything, tell me." He brushed his lips over Cloud's, then moved back to them when he felt them move against his. "I just want to make you feel good," he murmured against them.

He felt Cloud nod, and moved his hands to the binder. It was a pullover style one, he noticed to his relief—no velcro to make a loud sound and disturb things. He carefully eased it up, taking care not to pinch. Cloud took a deep breath when he pulled it off; they really were too tight to be wearing all the time.

"Deep breaths. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

Sephiroth gave him a few moments to catch his breath, then lowered his mouth to a slightly reddened nipple, prompting a gasp. He sucked gently before moving over to the other one; the temptation to bite was there, but Sephiroth knew he had to take care and be gentle. Cloud had given him permission, but it wouldn't do to frighten him. This was scary enough as it was.

"That—that feels really nice," Cloud murmured. His hands gripped fitfully at the sheets as Sephiroth licked and sucked, drawing out occasional quiet gasps and causing Cloud's hips to rock.

He traced his fingers up Cloud's thigh and across his stomach, stopping to cup his breast and give it a gentle squeeze. They were perfectly sized, in his opinion. Any larger and Cloud would have a difficult time concealing them, but they fit so nicely in the palm of his hand; he was glad they weren't smaller.

He wanted to encourage Cloud to touch him back, but didn't want to push him too far. Besides, just being able to touch... to make Cloud moan... that was pleasure enough. He moved his hands downward again and delicately tugged at the waistband of his pants.

"Lift your hips," he paused in teasing Cloud's nipple long enough to say, then went back to nibbling gently with his lips.

Cloud complied and Sephiroth slid both his pants and underwear off, not wanting to make it a two-step process. He shoved the blankets aside—he could keep Cloud warm enough—and leaned back for a moment. She—he was absolutely beautiful. He must have been frustrated. It had been over two weeks since Sephiroth had helped him masturbate; if he hadn't touched himself since then... he might have been fantasizing and trying to work up the courage. It would have taken a combination of a lot of courage and a lot of frustration to approach him and ask for him to do this.

"You're doing wonderfully," he said, bringing his hand up to stroke Cloud's cheek. "I'm going to touch you, is that all right?"

"Yes. Please..." Cloud rocked his hips and spread his legs just a fraction, clearly trying to hold himself back.

"It's okay, sweetheart, just react however you want. I know you've been needing this." He slid his hand from Cloud's knee up his leg, cupping his ass for a moment before pressing it between his thighs. He gently eased them apart while returning his attention to Cloud's breasts to keep him from panicking. At his first touch, Cloud let out a loud moan, then immediately covered his mouth, turning the moan into a muffled whimper. "Just react, Cloud. Don't be embarrassed. All you're doing is letting me know what feels good."

He rubbed his fingers over Cloud's warm folds, spreading the moisture that was already there around, and pushing his legs a little further apart at the same time. Sliding his fingers slightly further down, he pressed his thumb against the side of Cloud's clit and rubbed, alternating from side to side, but never pressing directly on it.

"Does it feel good?" he asked, wanting to hear Cloud say it.

"Y—yeah, it's good."

He looked up to see Cloud worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and smirked at the sight. He kissed his way down Cloud's chest and stomach, pausing to dip his tongue into his belly button, before pressing carefully against Cloud's entrance with his middle finger. He eased it into the tight warmth, moving slowly so that Cloud would have an opportunity to push him away if he didn't like it.

"Good," he murmured and moved his head further down, planting kisses on his hip, then continuing closer to his pubic region. He shifted subtly while continuing to massage gently around Cloud's clit, moving between Cloud's legs and using his free hand to lift them one at a time, bending them at the knee. It was a struggle to move so slowly, but Sephiroth held himself back; Cloud needed slow. And waiting would make his final reward all the sweeter.

He withdrew his finger, though he hadn't done anything more than insert it yet, and spread Cloud's labia apart, granting himself easy access with his mouth. Cloud cried out loud and made no attempts at muffling it when he licked from her entrance up to her—his clit, then licked a slow, lazy circle around it.

Cloud gasped and fumbled around blindly with his hands alternating between gripping the sheets and looking for something else to grab onto. Sephiroth pushed his own pants off as quickly as he could without Cloud noticing, then caught one of Cloud's hands in his own. He squeezed it tightly and continued to work him with his tongue and lips; the noises Cloud was making was the sweetest sort of music, and his taste was everything Sephiroth had imagined it would be.

He kept his focus off of Cloud's clit, wanting to make this last for as long as he could. Instead, he pressed his tongue as far as he could inside, and licked all around, but only teased him with the occasional flick of his tongue directly on the sensitive bundle of nerves. Eventually, however, Cloud's cries grew more desperate, and Sephiroth shifted his attention. He sucked his clit between his lips and pressed them together, flicking it with his tongue as he did so. At the same time, he slid two fingers into Cloud and thrust gently. Cloud's scream was loud enough to nearly make him lose his concentration, but he kept going, pressing Cloud's clit firmly against the bone beneath with his tongue until he felt Cloud shudder with the start of his orgasm.

Sephiroth continued to work him until Cloud lay gasping with his knees dropped to either side, then stopped before the sensations became too much and Cloud thought to push him away.

He moved his hand away and pushed himself up, intentionally letting his erection brush against Cloud's inner thigh as he did so. He leaned down to murmur in Cloud's ear, "Good, you did really well. Did you enjoy that?"

"Mmm hmm." Cloud's dazed look faded slightly as Sephiroth allowed his erection to rest against him.

"Good," Sephiroth repeated, rolling his hips ever so slightly. "I'll make you feel good again." He rolled his hips again, hoping that Cloud would get the hint. Jerking off just wasn't going to cut it. Even just rubbing on Cloud like this would at least be slightly better.

Cloud's eyes widened, but he didn't pull away. "You want...Will it—will it hurt?"

"No, sweetheart, I'll be gentle. I'll make sure it's good for you." He brushed some hair out of Cloud's face and kissed him softly. "You know I won't hurt you or do anything you don't like."

"I know..."

Sephiroth reached for his nightstand without taking his eyes off of Cloud, and pulled a condom and a bottle of lube out of the drawer. He had purchased the condoms on a whim, not actually expecting that he'd get the opportunity to use them. He made a mental note to follow through on his whims more often; they seemed to pay off.

Cloud trembled slightly underneath him, so Sephiroth set the condom aside for the moment and stroked his hair again. "Are you frightened?" he asked, then nibbled on the shell of Cloud's ear.

"A—a little."

"Of me?" He licked Cloud's neck, prompting a quiet gasp.

"No... I trust you. It's just..."

"A frightening notion?"

Cloud nodded, chewing on his bottom lip again.

"Would you rather not?" Sephiroth shifted slightly, making sure that Cloud could feel his erection, just as a reminder. He would stop, if that was what Cloud wanted, he just wanted to make sure that Cloud knew how much he wanted it.

"No. No, I want it," Cloud said, almost firmly. "Just... go slow."

"Of course." Sephiroth kissed him almost chastely for a moment, lingering with their lips simply pressed together. Then he ran his tongue over Cloud's slightly swollen bottom lip and pressed it in; Cloud opened his mouth and let him deepen their kiss with a soft sigh. When he pulled back, leaving Cloud breathless, he felt rather out of breath himself, but he reached for the condom and tore open the packet.

He placed a small dot of lubricant on the inside of the condom and rolled it on quickly, then spread a little bit more lube over himself. "Still okay?" he asked before he took Cloud's nipple into his mouth again and squeezed his other breast, rolling his nipple between his index finger and thumb.

"I—I'm good," Cloud gasped.

Sephiroth barely stopped himself from jerking back in surprise when he felt a hesitant hand in his hair. "That's it," he murmured. He held himself over Cloud's chest and just let him touch while he casually moved his legs into a better position. Cloud clutched suddenly at his hair when he felt Sephiroth press his cock against him, but again, he made no indication that he wanted to stop. "You can touch me all you want. And tell me if I'm going too fast."

Cloud shifted his hands and cautiously touched Sephiroth's arms, then moved on to his chest. He seemed slightly afraid, as though Sephiroth might suddenly decide that this was an affront to his person and start yelling. But he remained still while Cloud explored, realizing that this was a very new thing for him. Sephiroth had seen and touched Cloud countless times, but this was Cloud's first time doing more than hug him. Eventually, Cloud seemed to grow a little bolder and even slid his hands down far enough to cautiously squeeze his ass.

He shifted slightly and blinked up at Sephiroth. "You can. I'm ready."

Sephiroth nodded and lifted Cloud's legs one at a time so they were resting on his hips, then reached down to ease himself in. He let out a low groan as he was encased in the heat of Cloud's body and had to fight his urge to just slam into him. "You feel so good, Cloud," he whispered.

Cloud was trembling again and clutching at his shoulders like he was trying to hold on.

"Does it hurt?" Sephiroth asked, silently begging Cloud not to say 'yes'.

"N—no, not really. It's weird."

Sephiroth lifted his hips enough so he could fit his hand between their bodies and gently rubbed Cloud's clit. "It's okay, I understand. You were okay before, right, when I was using my fingers?"

Cloud nodded, easing up on his grip slightly.

"This is the same, just a little bit bigger." He began moving slowly, making sure not lose his focus on Cloud's pleasure. "I'll make you feel just as good, just relax."

He pushed himself up on one arm so he would have a little more freedom to move his hand and gradually increased the speed of his thrusts. He watched Cloud's expression change slowly from uncertainty to pleasure. He groaned again when Cloud's muscles suddenly contracted in a short spasm, and he thrust in a bit harder, feeling his balls slap against the backs of Cloud's thighs.

Cloud cried out in pleasure with each thrust, tightening his grip on Sephiroth's hips with his legs. His face was bright pink, and he was worrying his lip again; Sephiroth quickly ducked down to kiss him, then pushed up again, moving his fingers faster.

"Se—Sephiroth—"

Cloud's inner walls tightened and loosened around him as his whole body shuddered, and Sephiroth dropped down onto his elbow. He moved his hand away and angled his thrusts so they would carry Cloud through his climax, and brought it up to Cloud's lips. Cloud automatically opened his mouth to suck his fingers into it, tasting himself on them.

Sephiroth felt his gut tighten as Cloud's muscle spasms died off and he slammed in harder, trusting that the recent orgasm was enough to stave off any discomfort Cloud might feel. He cried out in satisfaction as he came, curling his toes and twisting his free fingers through Cloud's hair.

Breathing heavily, Sephiroth reached down again to ease his softening cock out of Cloud's body, making sure the condom didn't slip. His hands shook as he grabbed a tissue to wrap around the used condom. He got it off and tossed it in the trash, then turned back to Cloud.

His eyes were shut and his mouth was partially open; Sephiroth could feel his heart pounding as he eased him into his arms and kissed his ear. "Are you okay?"

Cloud nodded and pressed himself closer to Sephiroth's chest. "Do I have to go back to my room?" he asked quietly.

"No, of course not." Sephiroth hugged him tightly and rubbed his back. "Stay here. I've got you."

Cloud nodded again and snaked an arm around Sephiroth's waist, twining his hand through his hair. "Thank you."


End file.
